The Visitor
by Billiebee3
Summary: Edward is going through the motions of living his new life as a vampire with Carlisle in Biloxi, but when he overhears a certain mental patient's thoughts as he passes by one day, he ends up in an unlikely relationship. AU. Formerly titled Alice's Angel. Edward/Alice
1. The mind he couldn't ignore

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyers is the owner all of the characters that I am borrowing here, no copyright infringement is intended.

_**Biloxi, Mississippi 1920**_

Carlisle was working the night shift again and I was so bored I felt like I was going crazy. I had only been a vampire for a few years, but we had already moved several times...and this place was the worst. It was just too sunny and I had to stay inside almost all the time. It was around eight p.m. on October 14th- I remember exactly- when I decided to go out for a walk to nowhere in particular. I ended up walking towards the hospital where Carlisle worked, however, because there was just no other place I knew of to go. I walked for about twenty minutes before I neared the parking lot.

That was when I first heard it. Beside the hospital was a rather old, run down looking asylum. I had never been inside one, or really even near one before, but I wasn't stupid. Screaming was to be expected coming from a place like that. I could hear a lot of screaming, actually. All of it could be ignored. I was used to ignoring.

Except there was one mind I couldn't shut out.

It belonged to a girl...that much was obvious. What wasn't obvious was why I found myself scaling the fence outside of the building and breaking the lock on a back door just to find the owner of that mind. That was something that I had no idea about. Most of the other patients I could hear in the building were very obviously mentally troubled. It was evident in their inner thoughts, but this voice I was hearing was different somehow. It did sound insane. But it had something the rest did not...a picture of me coming into the building.

And I had no idea how that could be. My curiosity took over, and I went looking for the owner of the mind that knew I was coming before they possibly could have seen me. As I walked along the hallway the voice grew stronger…louder. The girl was screaming.

_Please, please don't come back! But he will, of course he will, that's what happens I can see. But I don't…can't…please not again. Not another treatment! I'm not crazy…I know what he did! Why won't-_

And then the mental dialog abruptly stopped. I could see something in her head. It was the sound of foot prints behind where she lay and someone putting a hand on her shoulder. She screamed. She turned to see him looking pale and unnatural and…just like me.

_Huh… How did she know what I look like to place me inside her thoughts?_

I could hear her thinking again. _Crazy, crazy loon. That's what the doctor says before he does all of those things. I want to be left alone! But that man wasn't the doctor. Who was that? No one new ever comes in here. Maybe he's here to save me? No…no one would know or bother to do that. No one no one. That wasn't a real man. He was too beautiful. An angel maybe? The angel of death come to take me away from here? _

When I reached the twenty second door on the left side of the hall way I immediately knew the cell belonged to the voice I heard. _She thought that I was an angel? Ironic considering. _I tried the door. It was locked, but unnatural strength had many advantages and I managed to break the lock and quietly open the door without it splintering or giving too much fuss. The room was dark…pitch dark to anyone with less than vampire quality vision. I looked to the far corner of the small 8 x 8 room.

Long ebony hair twisted and strayed over the pillow where the little girl's head laid. I could tell that she was not asleep…but only because of the way she clutched to keep her knees together to her chest with her arms wrapped around them and her fists digging into her knee caps. Blood had dried around where her nails had cut into her skin. No one asleep could keep that rigid of a position. I had never seen her before, but from her size I would have guessed her to be around ten or eleven…I couldn't see her face, as it was turned away from me. I could not distinguish how mature her features were.

I could smell her blood and it was almost enough to have me turn around and run the other way to avoid killing her. I had never smelled another human's blood before anywhere near that sweet. I paused to pull myself together, and then finally just decided to hold my breath. It's not like I strictly needed to breathe anyway.

She didn't move or turn around when I entered the room, but began to shake in a strange way as I came closer, as if out of fear. The room was dark. I could just make out some small pictures drawn into the unpainted cinder block wall where she faced. I walked over to the wooden chair beside her bed and sat down. The room was very small and I noticed that there were no windows. Pitch dark. I began to feel a little upset for the sight of this little shaking girl in this dark room. She seemed so fragile and scared. What had she done to deserve punishment like this?

I couldn't help but place my hand on the girl's shoulder as I had in the vision. Something about her seemed to draw me closer than where I sat. I needed to see the face of whoever it was screaming in her head for my help. She screamed, though not as loud as she had in her mind a moment ago.

"Are you okay, miss?" I tried to keep my tone soft so I would not scare her any worse than I already had.

She turned around to see me and I was surprised to find that her facial features seemed more like someone my age (or the age that I was supposed to play) than the small child I had guessed. I took a moment to look at her facial features. Her eyes were full of red cracks, as if several blood vessels had burst within her eyeballs and the area around them was dark black. It looked as if someone had punched her, but it seemed more likely that the dark circles were just the result of a lack of sleep and proper care. I thought it odd that she could suffer a lack of sleep in a place like this where there could be nothing else to do.

I could not tell if I would think her pretty under normal circumstances or not. She was quite small, if not abnormally so, and I wondered if that too was from a lack of proper care. It worried me, although I wasn't sure why I cared exactly. And then she smiled at me, as if this whole thing had been a joke.

"Are you coming to take me to heaven?"

I frowned, wondering what was wrong with her. "Why, are you dying?"

_That would be nice. No more here, no more treatments, no more doctors touching...touching...always touching. Why did everyone touch-grab-hurt? _She hummed in her head as if trying to block something out, like she knew that I was reading her every thought. She never responded to my question. _Pale faced, pale like the moon...wait was the moon pale? I can't remember. Is it still? Of course it would be. The moon doesn't change just because I haven't seen it in...however long I've been here. No point in counting. No way to anyway. The boy, the boy...he's new. New nurse? No...too young...I think. I wish I would die. Too bad. Maybe the shock will do it next time. _

I listened to her mental response carefully, as she did not verbally say anything. _So she wasn't dying… physically anyways. No point in asking why she's in here though, obviously a mental patient. Poor thing._

"My name is Edward Cullen. What is yours, if you don't mind me asking miss?"

I tried to keep up with her thoughts and saw that her head was cloudy...too cloudy. I realized that she was probably heavily medicated. I waited patiently as she searched through her foggy mind for the answer.

"Mary…Alice?" She said, making it sound more like a question than an answer. Her voice was high pitched, but sweet sounding...though it was evident that her throat was very dry and also cracking.

"That is a very nice name." I smiled, trying to give her a complement. It was obvious that she didn't have people in here talking to her often. I could see in her mind that she was trying to block out a lot of pain in her head from...shock treatments? _What were they doing to this girl? _

I heard someone coming towards us from down the hall and decided it was time to leave. I would listen in to hear what is going on from outside.

I smiled down at her again. "Well, I need to go, I hope you'll excuse my rudeness. It was nice meeting you, Alice." I rose from my chair beside her bed to leave.


	2. pitch dark

It didn't take me long to get back outside. I walked around the back of the building few minutes, trying to get within listening range. It took me another minute or two to hear her, but once I did, I realized that Alice was screaming even louder…this time vocally, as if she had just been dropped into the very pit of hell. I had never heard such anguish in a scream before, but just as soon as it had started, it stopped. I listened in intently for her thoughts, but there was only silence. I began pacing as I waited, but there was nothing.

_Is she asleep…knocked out…unconscious…dead? What did they do to her? _I wondered. I began to get so concerned that I very nearly went back inside to look for her, before I finally picked up on a few seconds of very hazy thoughts. It was something about cold metal and a foul smell. _Were they hurting her?_

Frankly, I had no idea why on earth I even cared. It's not as if I knew the girl and, between the hospital and asylum, I could hear plenty of agony all around me. Why did this one girl bother me so much? I wanted to go back inside to check on her, to make sure she wasn't hurt, to help her, but I knew that I couldn't do any of the above.

It wasn't my place to look in on a stranger. It was inappropriate to go into the young lady's room and even more so to see her in such a thin little night dress as I had before. But, more importantly, even if I were to go back in, what was I to do about her situation? She was a mental patient and probably needed to be in that asylum. Whatever treatments…however painful…surely they were done with good reason to help her in the long run. I shook my head and walked home moping.

But the next morning, after Carlilse came back from work to our small two bedroom house (surrounded with woods so no one would see me if I chose to go outside during the day), I still couldn't shake the encounter and decided to talk to him about it. I sat down on the couch across from the one where he sat in our living room.

"Carlisle, I went for a walk over near your hospital last night, and I was wondering about the asylum about a quarter of a mile behind it?"

He looked at me strangely from across the living room. "What about the asylum interests you?" He asked, obviously unsure of what I wanted exactly.

"Well, I heard inside the mind of this girl in there. She seemed…ill cared for. I think they were doing some sort of shock therapy on her." I carefully phrased, beating around the bush as best as I could. I did not think Carlisle would approve of my actions.

Carlisle nodded. "Yes, it's a new treatment doctors are trying on the insane. They are hoping it will correct distortions in the brain. Personally, I don't take much stock in it. Frying an already unstable brain with electric volts would be extremely painful for the patient and it hasn't yet been proven to help." He said with a twinge of dismay.

"So, they're hurting her?" I asked timidly.

He glanced down and stayed silent for a moment before looking back up into my eyes and responding. "What did you hear in this girl's mind, Edward, that has you so concerned and interested with her?"

"I'm not sure. She seemed to see within her mind that I was coming. I'm really just not sure…"

"Does she know what we are?" He asked, with rather urgent tone. His eyes were becoming as black as mine. We would need to hunt soon.

"No. I don't think so. I kind of broke in-" I saw Carlisle look at me with an astonished face at my admission "just to see the person who already knew that I would! She was this tiny little girl around my age. Her blood- her blood smelled so sweet Carlisle-you'll be proud of me for not hurting her. I held my breath. She was dirty and looked pretty beat up…she sounded crazy…" I knew that my mind was a million miles away from our living room by now (or really only about four miles to be exact), but I continued on anyways "but I don't think she is. I don't know why. It was really hard to see…and then when I left she was screaming and I wanted to go back, but I knew I shouldn't."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't hurt the girl." He paused, reflecting on how to phrase his answer. "Not everyone placed in those asylums is necessarily insane…though you said she sounded as if she is. People are sometimes placed there by their families for deformities, or bad relationships, or plenty of other reasons. I suspect, however, that if the girl really has visions as you seem to think- that is probably your reason right there." He shook his head and looked down. "People don't take well to others who are different. Now it's mental asylums, back when I was young, they would burn them as witches."

I didn't know what to say to that.

That night, as soon as Carlisle left for work I returned to the asylum. I had no idea what I intended to do when I saw Alice; I just knew that I had to see her.

She was sitting on the edge of her bed with her knees bent up to her chest and her arms wound tightly around them. When I came into the room she simply stared at me.

"I knew you were coming." She said quietly. I simply nodded

I sat down in the chair as I had before and she eyed me suspiciously. "Are you a new orderly?" She inquired in her high little bell like voice, still sitting balled up.

"No." I replied. I didn't know what I should tell her. She seemed afraid of me. "I just thought you would like a visitor." I said, finally.

Her brows furrowed and she seemed confused. "I don't get visitors."

"Your family doesn't visit?" I couldn't help but asking, though I knew it was rude and somewhat out of line as I was a stranger to her.

She looked down at her knees and shook her head slowly. "My mother...thinks I have a demon in me. She told me that I would go to hell for selling my soul to the devil for the power to see the future. I guess my father agrees. They didn't want me around my little sister...they said I was corrupting her. They said they couldn't have me in their home."

By the time she finished the admission she had tears running down her cheeks and I was glad that I didn't have the ability to cry anymore.

_How could anyone be so cruel? _I thought, looking at the girl. I didn't know her, but I could already tell that she couldn't be a threat to anyone if she tried. She began to shake as she cried and I wished I hadn't asked. I had never seen such a pathetic sight before in my existence as this tiny, malnutritioned girl who had been thrown into a mental asylum just because she was different.

"How long have you been here?" I asked...not very sure I wanted to know the answer. By the looks of her it had been a long time.

She slowly began to regain control of herself, wiping away the tears, and looked up at me as if what I said was something astonishing. "I don't know." She had obviously just realized this fact and I was afraid that I had asked her something that was going make her cry again. But she didn't cry...she just looked at me emotionlessly. "What is today's date?" She asked slowly.

"October 15th, 1920" I replied, hoping that it wouldn't be a shock to her.

Alice let out her breath as if she wasn't too surprised, then looked down toward the floor, not that she could probably make out any details in this darkness- to anyone with less than vampire vision it must be almost pitch dark. "About four years then...I was fourteen when...so I suppose I look quite grown now." She grabbed hold of one of her long ebony locks, as if examining how much it had grown. Her hair looked greasy and tangled to me.

I didn't reply, thinking about how much she did not look grown, considering her size. But I realized why she probably sounded so crazy before if she had been left here alone for that long. I shook my head, unable to imagine something so horrible. Anyone who could commit such a girl to a place like this was the one with the demon, not Alice. It seemed more surprising that she still seemed to have any of her right mind at all.

"So, you're not going to give me a treatment?" She asked timedly, like she was terrified I might say yes.

"I told you I'm just a visitor." I replied. "Only doctors can give treatments."

She balled back up tighter. "No. Lots of the workers do. I hate it when they do that." Her voice became very quiet by the end of her answer and I became more concerned over the quality of care she was receiving in a place like this. Were other workers really qualified to give treatments like shock therapy? I heard someone approaching and decided that I better leave quickly.

"I have to go Alice, don't tell anyone that I was here, alright?"

Her eyes boared into me, silently begging me not to go, but I knew I had to. I was gone before she could see me stand up.


	3. There were no words

I ran straight home without stopping or looking back. I knew that if I hung around to listen in or even watch from hiding whatever they were going to do to her I would probably end up killing someone and I couldn't do that to Carlisle. It was extremely obvious to me that she needed help, but I just had no idea how to do it. I did not want to change her into a vampire and condemn her soul as Carlisle's and mine were. I also knew that I couldn't just steal her anyway and hide her as a human either…or could I? She would have to stay inside and we would have to move…but that was no big deal and, even if she could never leave the house, she would be infinity better cared for there.

It was tempting. Stealing her away from that horrible place would be so easy for me. I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind though. To do something like that would require her to know what I am and if I didn't tell her she would probably figure it out quickly enough. She would be terrified of me. Plus, it would not be a good idea to have such sweet smelling human blood around twenty four seven to tempt me.

It was just so unfair for that fragile looking girl to be rotting away in that horrible place alone over something she couldn't control. After observing her mind a few times when it happened yesterday, I knew that it wasn't something she could turn off or on. And she seemed so thin and malnourished and dirty. Four years of her short little human life wasted like that alone in the dark. Well, no more. If I couldn't kidnap her out of there I could certainly make a vow to visit her every night so that she at least wouldn't be alone.

Carlisle would understand, with his great compassion for humans. He wouldn't stop me from going. I began to think if there was anything else I could do to further help the situation and decided to also bring her some food the next time I went. Human food. I could still easily remember what I liked and disliked and what types of things went together…even if the memories were foggy and dim. That idea made me feel much better, actually. Part of what made her so hard to look at without becoming strangely upset was how sickly thin she was. Maybe they just weren't feeding her well there and it was something that could be corrected by bringing her extra food.

I wanted to go by a store right then and pick out some things, but it was late and everything was closed. I would have to wait until the next day on my way to see her.

The rest of the night and day passed by slowly. Carlisle barely made it home before dawn. I decided to sit in the living room and think about what would be best to bring her. I had no idea what the girl liked, so I just tried to think about the things I liked best as a human and what would be the most practical to bring. Finally, I decided to stay with something simple and just bring some tea, bread, and ham. Everyone eats bread and it would be easy to carry, she would need the tea to drink with the food- humans need liquid to wash down all the horrific solids they eat- and ham simply because she desperately needed some meat on her bones and pork is fattening.

When the sun finally set the next day I rushed off as quickly as possible to buy the food before all of the stores closed again. I made it just in time and bought what I needed from the general store plus a chocolate chip cookie from the bakery across the street. I returned back to the house just long enough to prepare everything and pack it in a small basket and then rushed off to the asylum to see her again.

She wasn't there when I got to her room so I waited in a dark corner so no one else would see me when she came back in. You would think that after waiting all night and day to come and see her again another thirty minutes would be nothing, but it felt like forever to me.

Finally, the door was opened and she stumbled in after being pushed by someone. As soon as she was inside the door was slammed shut and she fell to the floor, skinning her knees and bleeding a little. That didn't make things easier on me as I was still having a difficult time not attacking her when I was holding my breath and there wasn't blood in sight. I tried to remain calm and collect myself.

After a moment when I saw that she didn't stand up I went over to her. She didn't notice me coming, though, and began to scream as soon as I touched her shoulder. All I was trying to do was help her up, but it obviously frightened her. I bent down to her level and raised her chin with my hand so she would look at me.

"It's okay, it's just me, Edward. Are you alright?"

Her eyes connected with mine and she seemed to calm down a bit. I was just noticing the color of them in this dark room. They were a dark and very pretty gray/bluish color. She didn't say anything, but instead tried to catch her breath- she hadn't quite yet, and then managed a small smile.

"Hello visitor."

I smiled a little bit too wide in response to that and accidentally showed some teeth. She didn't seem to be bothered by it however, and just kept her position on the floor. I placed a hand at her side and hoisted her up onto her feet only to feel her legs buckle underneath her, so I put my other hand under her knees and just picked her up instead- placing her on her usual spot atop her small bed.

"There you go." I said quietly as I put her down and she settled herself. I quickly backed away to my usual chair. Any doubts I had before about her health were confirmed with that move. I grew angrier at the asylum's staff for taking such bad care of her. Her health was obviously very ill. I also realized in the brief moment that she was standing up exactly how tiny she was. I guessed her height to be about 4'10.

"Thank you." Alice said, smiling.

I smiled back. "Whatever for?" I asked. I hadn't done anything.

_For not touching me. For not hurting me. You really are some sort of angel. Maybe I'm hallucinating all of this…stupid medication. At least it is finally doing me some good other than just knocking me out all the time. I really am crazy…imaginary friends…oh well. He's so sweet he would have to be imaginary. _She only gave a warm smile, saying nothing.

I tried not to think too hard on her remark about touching her. I was beginning to get the feeling that some of the staff in this place were being extremely un professional. I hoped that no of them had done anything serious.

"I hope you don't mind, but I thought I would bring you a snack when I came tonight." I picked up the basket from the floor beside me and reached out to hand it to her. She seemed very surprised when she grabbed hold of it and put it down in front of her…like she didn't really think that it was there. I hoped that she liked it and became more and more worried as I waited for her to take the food out from the basket that she wouldn't somehow. _What if it was all wrong and she didn't care for tea or bread or ham? What if I screwed the whole thing up?_

She took everything out slowly and eyed each thing as if it were something she had never seen.

"Umm…I just got all of it on the way here…it should be fresh. If you don't like it I could go get something else…" I tried, unsure of myself.

"You brought me food?" She asked, beaming, as she unwrapped the cloth around the bread.

I nodded, happy to have done something right, and reached over to pour the tea from the closed container pot into the cup from the basket and handed it to her.

For how small she was, I wasn't expecting her to eat much of what I brought...but by the time she was done eating (if you could call it eating-I'm not at all sure she even tasted any of it she gobbled it up so quickly) there was only about a third of the bread loaf left. It made me happy to see her enjoy herself.

"Would it be alright if I saved this for later?" She asked, referring to the left over bread. Her hands wrapped around her stomach as if she were hurting...maybe she had over eaten.

I nodded and saw that she quickly tucked it away underneath her pillow as if to hide it. She turned back to face me and suddenly I saw something from inside her mind.

_I was handing her a basket as she sat on the edge of her bed. She smiles and puts it down beside her. I lean down and kiss her on the forehead and she runs her hand down the side of my face affectionately. I sit down on her bed beside her and begin to help her unpack her food. She scoots over closer to me and I lift her up and place her to sit in my lap and she begins eating while I run my hand up and down her back._

Then the vision abruptly stopped and I was taken completely aback. What she saw…I was being monstrously inappropriate. If anyone had seen us it would be grounds for immediate marriage! I couldn't believe how forward and overtly affectionate I was being with her…as if I were in love with the girl or something! I had no idea what I should do. I looked at her only to find her staring at me in shock. I felt like I should run out…but I just couldn't bring myself to leave her yet. So was that to happen? Was I doomed to fall in love with her? A sickly girl in an insane asylum and a vampire…could it get any more inappropriate than that?

She stared at me for a long moment and then smiled slowly just very slightly. "you're going to love me."

I had no words for that.

_If you want me to update, don't forget to review. I already have the next chapter, but I never post without at least a couple of reviews from each chapter. If you care enough to read this far, that should be enough to write a five second review, if not, then I can write just as easily for myself without posting it up for others to read. The reviews are important to all authors to let us know whether we are going in the right direction or not...plus writing all of this is a good deal of work and it is very discouraging to get no feedback on it...whether it is constructive, suggesting something specific, or to just express your interest in reading the rest of the story_


	4. his worst fears

That vision scared me more than anything I had encountered since my parents died and I had been changed into a vampire. _How was I to fall in love with a human? _I was very worried that I would end up killing her…though, compared to the fate she seemed to be currently suffering here, even that might be a better option. So many thoughts raced through my mind at the same time that I could barely think at all. I was just dumbfounded.

She reached her thin little arm out to touch my hand. I thought about pulling back, worried that she would notice how cold it was, but then realized that she probably wouldn't know the difference. Her fingers touched the top of my hand with their jagged fingernails and pale skin. I looked down to see that her skin was just as pale as my own. But four years without sunlight would probably do that to anyone. I turned my hand over so that I could hold her hand back in response, though I knew I shouldn't.

"Where are you from?" She asked.

"Chicago." I tried to keep my voice even. I was surprised at the honest answer I gave her. Most of me wanted to run out of the room and never return, but the look in her large grey-blue eyes kept me. There was just something about her that made it impossible for me to leave just then. The simple, conversation starting questions she asked me seemed easy enough to answer and I had so many questions burning in my mind to ask her as well. I never noticed the time going by, but we talked for several hours until I could tell that she was having a very hard time staying awake. I just couldn't bring myself to leave yet.

I would have tucked her in as she finally lay down in her small, uneven bed, but there was no blanket to cover her with. Her hand still grasped mine, more firmly than I would have thought her capable of, even in her sleep. I had moved the chair up a bit closer to her earlier to make her reach easier and sat there, watching with fascination as the girl slept. It was very difficult to bring myself to leave her…even when I knew I had to or I would not be able to walk home for the sunlight.

Finally I did, of course. I trailed home and just barely made it. Carlisle was already there and sitting up as if to wait for me when I came in. I could tell right away that I had made him worry and felt badly for it.

"What is wrong, Edward?" He asked me as soon as I came in.

I put the basket down that I had brought with me and shook my head. "Something has to be done, Carlisle, and I don't know what to do."

Carlisle motioned for me to come and sit down by him. "What is it, my son?"

"That girl I told you about- Alice. I went to see her again last night. I know that it was stupid and I shouldn't have, but I just can't seem to stay away from her."

Carlisle listened patiently and I continued to explain to him the extent of my troubles because of the girl. It took me quite some time to explain everything adequately enough.

"And you are sure no one will be coming for the girl? Perhaps some other family or friends?"

"I doubt it. She's been there for four years without a soul ever visiting."

His facial expression became furrowed a bit, and I knew he was beginning to share my frustration. "My, my...that is quite a predicament."

"What should I do, Carlisle?"

He placed a hand on my shoulder and gazed into my eyes intently. "I'm sure you'll do right thing. Whatever you feel that is."

I swallowed hard at that idea. "What if I accidentally hurt her...or drain her blood?"

He smiled a little at me then. "I don't think you will, fragile as humans are. If you love the girl, I believe you'll find the strength."

I stared at him incredulously. "Love her? I've only known her for-"

The blond man cracked a larger smile and shook his head- "That makes absolutely no difference. Do you believe the girl's visions?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Then what does it matter if you love her yet or not if you're sure you will...unless you think you were acting only out of lust in the vision?"

"No! Of course not! You know me better than that, Carlisle. I would never..."

"I know." He responded quietly.

The next couple of weeks passed by slowly. Every night I spent in the asylum with Alice and every day I spent thinking of what I should do that would be best for her. We became closer and closer, and the vision became fact after a while. Inappropriate as it may be, we both desired very much to be close to one another. When I allowed her to sit in my lap was the only time her rigid little body ever seemed to relax. There is no point, really, in recounting exactly when or how I fell in love. Anyone that ever knew Alice would understand that it was inevitable by just being near her. How anyone could ever manage not to love her was always the real question in my mind.

The weather began to turn colder and Alice started to cough. At first it was only occasional and slight, but it kept getting worse. She started eating less of the food that I brought for her every night. I thought that maybe it was only because she grew tired of eating the same thing. I began bring her meals in the basket that I bought prepared at restaurants, to give her more of a variety as my cooking skills were nil and she desperately needed to eat as much as I could get her to in order to gain weight. That helped a little, but she still was not eating as much as I wished she would. I even thought that she was beginning to look a little better...but maybe that was only wishful thinking. Her cheeks seemed rosier, anyway, even if she was still much too thin. But the weight was something that would have to be fixed over time, another few weeks of her eating my food and she might get to be a healthy looking weight.

Honestly it wasn't the weight that I was most concerned about. She never said it straight out- not even inside her mind- but the more I stayed around her the more I got the feeling that someone had done something to her...something that she didn't want.

Then, one day, all of my worst fears were confirmed.

It happened on the first day of November. I had decided, for the first time, that just the night wasn't long enough and that I would stay there all day in hiding. It was cloudy and supposed to rain, so I took a chance and stayed. The one thing that she would never talk about was whatever they did to her when they took her from her room and I just had to know for sure. I had prayed that I was wrong about my suspicions.

We had stayed up all night talking about whatever either of us could come up with. I told her about my parents and growing up and a very edited version of my life with Carlisle. She told me all about her life growing up on a farm and her beloved little sister, Cynthia. She was snuggled up on my lap with her head on my shoulder when she finally fell asleep.

I carefully laid her down on her bed- if you could call it that- it was a metal frame with a cheap roll out cotton mattress that was so old, dirty, and lumpy it is quite possible that my stone hard figure may have been more comfortable. She was dead asleep when I put her down and still managed to ball up as soon as I backed away, so if to protect herself from something. I wasn't sure if this was an unconscious effort to get warm or just a sleeping habit. Even so, she was adorable when she slept.

A tall, thin man came around nine a.m. to take her from her room. She wasn't awake when he came and, instead of tapping her shoulder polity or something of that sort, he slapped her hard across her cheek. Not even conscious for more than half a second, she was dragged roughly from her bed out to the hallway. I could see that his upper lip had a cleft palate defect and he looked more like what I imagined of a mental patient than any kind of doctor or staff. Enraged as I was at seeing Alice slapped and dragged, I hid in a dark corner and then followed them out silently. She didn't want to go with him. That much was very obvious to me.

The man led her through the long, narrow corridor past the other twenty one rooms I had passed on the way in my first time there to a room with a metal slab. Another man with a dark beard was already in there and began strapping her into leather restraints to hold her against the metal while the first man held her there forcefully. When the man with the beard went to strap her ankles, he placed a hand below her nightdress up at her knee. I could see the silent tears that were already beginning to run down Alice's disturbed face as the thin man went over to turn on the machine. The expression on her face looked totally hopeless. The bearded man began hooking wires up around Alice's head and that is when I saw it.

After he finished hooking the wires and was walking past, the bearded man dared to touch my Alice's breast over her nightgown in a way that made his intentions very clear. I could no longer stand to just hide there and watch. I was not about to let them give her another shock treatment or any other sort of "treatment" that they were obviously intending. I'm sure I must have looked very frightening as I charged into the room, but that was fine by me. I was murderously angry.


	5. What are you?

At first the two men only stared at me in shock, but when the bearded man tried to come at me I sprang at him with all of my force, knocking him into the wall and unconsciousness. The thin defected man, however, did nothing but stare at me.

I growled and showed my teeth, crouched down and ready to attack. "What are you?" The man asked, obviously terrified and looking as though he were facing the devil.

I reached out to him and grabbed him by the neck, holding him up off the floor and letting him strangle. "Did you touch her?"

His eyes filled with terror, though he could not respond without oxygen. I knew that if I didn't put him down soon he would die. Part of me (most of me, actually) wanted to kill both of them in as painful of a way as I could think of, but I had Carlisle and Alice to think about. I looked over to her fear filled eyes and knew that if I killed them she would never be able trust me again. I didn't want her to fear me as she obviously did these two workers.

"If I ever, EVER, find out that you or anyone else here has touched any patient like that again, so help me, I will come back and kill you all!" I screamed in his face and shook him hard before dropping him down to the floor and kicking him once hard between his legs. He let out a scream and I growled at him again before I went over to Alice and began unhooking the various wires and restraints on her little body and picked her up. As I turned to leave I looked back to the both of them. The bearded man was just beginning to wake up.

"I'll know if you tell anyone about this, or if you hurt anyone else." I warned in as taunting of a voice as I could muster. I carried her out through the back door of the asylum without looking back. Luckily for me, I was smart enough to wait for a rainy day so that I could leave before dark, if needed. The rain was pouring as I carried her slowly for the first few steps we were outside, looking down at her face and trying hard to listen so that I knew whether I had frightened her.

She was frightened of me...but she didn't seem to fear for her own safety. After only a millisecond of being outside, she was too fascinated with looking at everything around her. She hadn't been outside in years and now she was eagerly drinking in everything about it- the smell of the rain, the sight of the sky and trees and grass, how many colors there were that she had forgotten about, the whole world seemed a wonder to her. All of that seemed to trump any fear she had over me and even what had just happened inside.

I smiled as I watched her take it all in. But I realized that I couldn't let her just enjoy it like I wanted to for long. It was cold outside and she began to cough. I looked down at the rest of her to notice that her thin old dirty night dress was already soaked through, and I feared that the chill might kill her in her already fragile condition.

"Alice?" I asked, in as soft and nonthreatening of a voice as I could.

She looked up at my face for the first time since I brought her outside. "Yes?"

"I'm going to take you to my home. It's cold out here so I'm going to run you there very fast, will you be able to handle that?"

She nodded. "You got me out." She stated, and I could tell that her mind hadn't been able to fully process that yet.

I smiled down at her and clutched her closer as I began to run at full speed. I was careful that no one saw me and I didn't stop until I got to the door of the house. I turned the knob and carried her in, shutting the door behind us. We were both dripping wet and Carlisle saw us immediately.

Without a word, I placed her on the couch and he quickly retrieved a blanket for her. She seemed a little dizzy from the run and kept her eyes closed for a long moment after I put her on the couch and Carlisle wrapped the blanket around her. He turned to look at me in astonishment.

"May I have a word with you, Edward?" His tone did not seem angry, but all the same I worried. He made no move to walk to another room but instead simply addressed me mentally.

_You've decide to take her then? What are we to do?_

"I had to, there were men there Carlisle that-" He seemed to grasp the idea without me having to finish and his features seemed to become disgusted about it.

_Oh, my, you didn't hurt anyone though...did you?_

"I didn't kill anyone, but I hurt them, yes. And they deserved so much worse. I'm sorry, but-"

_It's alright, I understand. I'll make preparations for us to move immediately. _

Alice finally opened her pretty eyes and we both turned to her. I keeled down in front of the couch to become level with her as I spoke. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, smiling patiently, and turned to Carlisle to wait for the introduction.

"This is my..." I looked at him to try to come up with the right description "adoptive father, Carlisle. He's a doctor." I heard her scream in her mind as soon as I said the word and instantly regretted saying it- knowing what she must associate them with "He won't hurt you." I quickly amended. She seemed to calm down then and let out a cough.

"It's nice to meet to you. I'm sorry about all the water we let in."

"That's alright." He laughed. "I like rainy days."

Alice smiled. "Good, because it's going to rain tomorrow and the next day as well and you are going to forget your raincoat at the hospital tomorrow."

Carlisle beamed down at her. _She's so dirty. How often did they allow her to bathe?_

I shook my head, thinking never probably.

_Well, that nightdress is absolutely see through. It isn't appropriate. I'll go into town and get her a new one. Maybe you should suggest a hot bath for her? She's already soaked and I bet she'll feel much better clean. The hot water will warm her._

I nodded to him, but Alice didn't notice our exchange. She was too busy coughing hard and looking about the room.

"It is very nice to meet you, miss." She smiled at him warmly and Carlisle couldn't help but continue to smile. "I know how much you mean to Edward. I'm going to go into town to pick up some things. I'll be back in just a little while."

I was standing at my place kneeling in front of her on the floor and fiddled with the blanket Carlisle had her wrapped in, making sure there were no little nooks or crannies cold air could permeate through. I felt a hand come from underneath the covers and touch my cheek gently.

"What are you, my Edward?" She asked seriously, but unafraid.

I covered her hand with my own and gazed at her fondly. "I'll tell you, but now isn't the time. Do you trust me?" I was terrified of the answer she might give.

"Yes, I trust you. You are going to take care of me and I'm going to love you." She replied and then blushed. "I already love you."

I could only smile in response to that. I stroked her hand with my fingers and then placed her hand back beneath the covers. "I'll go get a bath ready for you. The hot water will do you good." The house we lived in didn't have a new water system installed yet as was all the rage that year, so I had to bring in the hot water to the tub the old fashioned way. It took awhile, but I was very excited at the prospect of seeing her without the twenty layers of dirt and grime. Once the tub was full I helped her into the house's one bathroom. She stared at the hot bathtub as if it were the most glorious thing she had ever seen and, from her thoughts, it just about was.

She was still in the bathroom when Carlisle returned with a bag full of clothes for her.

"I described her to one of the sales girls and she picked out two sizes. I'm sure one of them will do." He handed me the bag and I took out each article of clothing. There were two dress in different sizes and two nightdresses in those sizes, plus the appropriate under things for girls. Carlisle and I both became embarrassed when I removed those and both of us probably would have been blushing hard, if we still had the ability. All of the clothes were modest for the current styles and for that I was thankful. I didn't want Alice to draw any attention, especially until we could get away from this town. Who knows how many people might recognize her here. She had already been in the bathroom for over an hour at this point, and while I was beginning to worry about the water becoming too cold and chilling her, I did not want her to rush. I placed everything back inside the bag after folding each thing and then went over to knock at the bathroom door.

"Yes?" She called through the door.

"Carlisle brought you some clean clothes. Would it be alright if I placed them just inside the door?"

She didn't respond for a moment and I became worried at how rude and inappropriate what I asked could have been taken. I merely was going to crack the door enough to squeeze the bag through, of course, without looking in at all.

"Yes, but there is a bit of a problem."


	6. tell me all about it

_Wow, I wasn't expecting so many reviews so fast! To thank you guys I'm going to go ahead and put up this next chapter! Hope you like it!_

"What is it, Alice?" I asked, my worries seeping into my voice accidentally.

"The water is too dirty and I'm not quite clean yet." She called back, obviously very embarrassed at the admission.

"That's alright." Carlisle called from behind me. "Just put one of the dresses on that doesn't fit and come out and we'll change out the water for you."

"Okay." Alice replied.

I cracked the door just enough to squeeze the bag through it, looking at Carlisle who was standing on the opposite side of the room the entire time.

"Thank you." She replied, after the door had been shut. She emerged a few minutes later in an olive colored dress that was too big for her, but covered her up well. I could still smell a lot of the grime on her, along with her tantalizingly sweet blood, but she did look much better. Without so much dirt I could see that she really was just as pale as Carlisle and I. I worried about her soaking wet hair. She was already sick and I feared all the cold water and chill might kill her.

Carlisle went into the bathroom and, while I did not, I could see from where I stood that Alice had not been exaggerating. The water in the tub was a very odd dark reddish brown color that looked positively disgusting. I decided to take her into the kitchen while Carlisle replaced the water and find her something to eat. By this time it was around one o'clock, and time for Alice to eat lunch. I went over to the other bag Carlisle had brought home to see that it was filled with enough food for several days. I began to get very excited about the prospect of seeing that Alice eat three good meals a day here and gain the necessary weight to begin looking healthy.

She managed to make it over to the table by herself and sat down and I picked out the ingredients for a sandwich for her. The process was silent, but the silence was comfortable between us and I did not mind, mostly because her mind was not silent. I could hear her thinking many good things about me and Carlisle and the small house. Her head was excited about the present and future and overjoyed to be out of the asylum. Her only reoccurring fear that I could pick up on was that I might take her back to that dreadful place and leave her there. Still, she thanked me for the sandwich and ate happily, finishing everything on her plate, but declining when I offered her more. Once Carlisle finished replacing the water for the bath she stood up to go to the bathroom to finish up but fell after only a few steps. I caught her, but the action didn't go by without getting Carlisle's attention and my deep concern once again for her ill health.

She smiled when I caught her and laughed it off "Oh well." was all she said about it. I carried her the rest of the way, knowing how long of a day this must have already been for her. When I got her to the bathroom I wasn't quite sure what to do with her. I was afraid to put her on her feet that she might fall down, or on the side of the tub that she might fall in fully clothed. But there was nothing else to do, so I ended up just standing there awkwardly with her in my arms for a moment.

"I'll manage." She finally just said and I placed her very carefully down on the floor next to the tub. For the first time, I wished that maybe Carlisle had a mate so that there would be a woman in the house to help with these situations. Shutting the door behind me, I walked back out to Carlisle.

He wore a strained look. "I know you care a lot for the girl. But I'm concerned. She's in very ill health, I think. I would like to examine her, if you don't mind, when she's through."

"Do you suspect something, Carlisle?" I asked, visibly beginning to become upset.

He frowned. "I've heard that cough before, along with the weakness...anyone would be that way after everything that she has been through, but I'll still need to examine her." He just repeated.

Alice stayed inside the bathroom washing again for another hour, before finally emerging squeaky clean…in fact, her skin looked as if she had scrubbed it so hard that it was actually somewhat raw. She wore a dark blue cotton dress that fit her well...and had short hair. _Well, _I thought, _at least it will dry a lot faster. _Her nails had also been clipped, I noticed, and overall she looked much more presentable.

She saw the way both of us stared in shock at her new hair cut. "I saw that it's the new fashion nowadays. All of the well dressed girls will have their hair bobbed above their shoulders when you take me to Ashland."

I laughed. Only Alice would do something like that. But it did look admittedly very cute on her. Her dress complemented her as well...it brought out her eye color, although I'm sure that was an accident on Carlisle's part. I quickly went over to where she was holding onto the door frame for support and scooped her up. She was absolutely adorable.

Carlisle motioned for me to place her unto the couch opposite from where she had sat before...we would have to throw that couch away. As soon as she was sitting he went straight down to business.

"How long has that cough persisted, Alice?"

"Two weeks" I quickly replied for her. "It's been getting worse."

"How long have you been feeling weak?"

Alice just stared at him. She obviously didn't know how to answer the question. "I don't...there was no room to walk. I used to have trouble sometimes before, though, with my family. The doctor said that I had a cold when I went to the asylum."

_And her family had just thrown her into that place to die anyways- while she was sick! _I raged inwardly. I hoped that I never accidentally met those people. I don't think I could have restrained myself from killing them.

"Uh huh." Was all Carlisle replied, looking down into his medical bag he had already brought in and set up. He took out a stethoscope. "I'm just going to listen to your lungs for a moment..."

I walked away, not wanting to hear anymore of the exam. It was upsetting me too much. I was afraid that I had fallen for a girl that wasn't going to live and it was all my fault. _I should have gotten her out of that place weeks ago on the first night that I had met her! _I felt furious at myself for waiting too long to take action; it might cost Alice her life, if she is already too sick for Carlisle to do anything. _What would I do without the tiny little girl? _

I busied myself making my room ready for her and clearing out any of my more personal things- putting them into a bag and bringing them to the living room where I would "sleep". I opened one of the dresser drawers that I had cleared out for her and placed her new night dress and extra under things inside. Then I went to the bathroom and gathered up the dirty towels, oversized dress, and her disgusting old night dress and threw it all away before draining the tub. This time the water wasn't as dirty, though it still had a clear brown tint to it.

Carlisle motioned me over when he was finished and I plastered a smile on my face for her sake. "Well, we're just going to have to be very mindful of that cough and see how it goes. I want you to get plenty of rest, alright? I'll get some serum from the hospital tomorrow to try to help things along." He smiled at her pleasantly.

I tried to talk her into going to bed after that but she would have none of it, instead just wanting to sit around with us. She was beaming from ear to ear and much too excited to go to sleep. I decided I would allow it...for a little while. We all sat in the living room, Alice leaning on my right side and covered with a clean blanket. I wrapped an arm loosely around her shoulder.

"So, I still want to know what the two of you are." She said in an optimistic voice. "For the record, I already know, but I want to hear you say it."

I looked down at her in surprised. I hadn't caught that thought wave in her mind. She must of had the vision about me telling her in the bathroom. I had purposely not allowed myself to hear her thoughts while she had been in there.

"It's okay." She reassured both me and Carlisle. "I know you're vegetarians. I'm not afraid of either one of you." She coughed.

I cleared my throat and watched Carlisle stare at her in amazement. "I suppose, with your talent, not many things come as a surprise to you?"

She nodded and smiled. "Go on Edward, tell me all about it."

_Author's note: I know that, according to Stephanie Meyers, Alice's hair is short because it had been shaved off at the asylum and was just beginning to grow back… but with all of the suffering she's had in this story I wanted to let her keep some form of dignity and decide to cut it herself. Plus, we all know how fashionable Alice is, and I think it would be something she would have done with the flapper style ragging the way it was back then. _


	7. Visitor

This was one of those times I was very glad that my Alice had her little talent. She took everything I said- the whole vampire explanation in stride, though I could easily tell that she would have freaked out a lot more had she not been able to expect it. She already knew though, that we were not going to hurt her…that me taking her away was a positive thing, even if I was a monster. I was a monster that would rather kill myself (however difficult that might be) than put so much as a scratch on her body.

She asked a lot of questions and rarely let me get through a thought without having something to say about it, but I could not detect any fear in her voice or mind for her own safety. When she was finally out of questions and I out of explanations she just snuggled her tiny body up to me under her blanket and coughed deeply a couple times before falling fast asleep. By that time Carlisle had left for work and I couldn't resist running my fingers through her short spiky hair. Now that it was actually clean and dry I just wanted to touch it all the time.

But who was I kidding? Her hair wasn't the only part of her I wanted to touch. She had been beautiful before simply because I cared for her so much, but now that I finally had gotten to see what she really looked like underneath all that grime, oil, and dirt I saw that she was gorgeous physically. Not so much by traditional standards…but in a way that was all her own that I loved so much more. She was completely unique.

I waited until I was completely sure she was deep asleep and then gently lifted her up and carried her into my room. I pulled back the covers and then carefully placed her on the bed. I felt a bit awkward for letting her sleep in her only dress rather than her new nightgown, but I didn't want to wake her just so she could change and could think of no alternatives except for changing her myself.

In those days half of the things I had already done with her- sitting her in my lap for instance, were already considered pretty bad and inappropriate before marriage. Therefore, the idea of doing something like changing her clothes would have been completely unspeakable. I sighed to myself, longing to be closer to her, to see what was underneath her dress, to touch her.

But, of course, I did none of those things. Besides, I told myself, it isn't as if I hadn't already gotten a pretty good idea of what her body looked like when I was carrying her home in that soaking wet white practically see through old night dress. I already knew that she was beautiful, what need did I have to look further?

I covered her little body up with the sheet and covers on the bed and then retrieved the other blanket she had been covered in on the couch and added that as well to make sure she wouldn't be chilled in the night. Tucking her in, I smiled at her cute face and beautiful figure and allowed myself to kiss her forehead before backing away to stand at the foot of the wooden bed and watch her sleep.

For awhile, an hour maybe, she seemed peaceful other than the occasional cough… but over time I noticed how she eventually became balled up with her arms hugging her knees as I had seen her do before all the time in the asylum. It had been a gradual process, making me think that it was just a habit…until I started hearing her thoughts.

She was dreaming…no that was the wrong word, I realized as I listened on, she was having a nightmare. I tried to follow exactly what was happening. I saw that there were a lot of men- one of the ones I had seen and then several that I had not. It was as if they were mobbing her somehow in her room at the asylum and some were holding her down to her bed.

I pulled myself out of her dream for a moment to see that she was crying and beginning to groan in her sleep. Her newly cut fingernails clawed at her knees and scratched up the skin, drawing blood and making it more difficult for me to control myself. I wanted to wake her, but also wanted to know more about what was tormenting her so much.

When I concentrated on her mind again I could see that she was getting forcefully removed from a horse drawn buggy with two adults in the front staring at her. There was another girl in the back of the buggy that was screaming for Alice and the two were desperately trying to keep a failing grip on each others' hands. The man pulling her roughly away was the bearded man I had knocked out earlier. She scratched the man and he hit her hard across the face. Alice watched as the people I assumed were her parents held the young girl back in the buggy- she was struggling hard to break away from them and get to Alice.

Alice started to shake in her sleep and I pressed the covers over where she had knocked them away earlier. I decided that was enough. I didn't like to see her suffer so. I lightly shook her by her shoulders to wake her.

"Alice? Alice? It's okay. It's okay. Wake up sweetheart, it was just a dream." She stopped groaning and flittered her eyes open sleepily, tears still running down her cheeks. I stroked the side of her face and wiped them away with the back of my hand.

"Visitor?" She asked, as if she were surprised to see me and then very surprised at her surroundings.

I couldn't help but laugh at being called that. I nodded. "Yes. Are you alright?" I asked, concerned.

It took her a moment to fully wake up and adjust, but once she had she managed a very fake smile for my sake. She was still shaking, so I wrapped her up tighter in all of the covers before sitting down above them beside her, so that she could snuggle up to me. One more gentlemanly point deducted…in a bed with a girl while she is sleeping- I thought. I had always been so good in that department until now and was actually getting a bit disappointed in myself, afraid that I was taking advantage of her frail condition and past.

She quickly scooted herself closer to me and even went so far as to put her head in my lap, using it like a pillow. I ran her hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her, but she was still silently crying. I took her face very gently in my hands so that she could look at me.

"What's wrong?"

"Please, Edward" She seemed very afraid and desperate then, climbing up further on me to get closer. "You must promise me that you will never take me back to that dreadful place! Please, I can't go back there! Don't-"

"Shh! Shh. I would never ever let you go back to that place. Okay? You'll never have to see those people or be locked up there again." I soothed, still rubbing her back up and down rhythmatically. I tried to put her back down at my side and off my lap, becoming worried about our proximity.

But she wouldn't have it and refused to move from where she was-which was very, very close to me. I silently was thanking God at that moment that I had hunted just the day before yesterday. As hard as it was for me to keep control over myself, I didn't want to force her. She had already been forced around more than enough in her life.

"Edward, you must promise me. Please promise me!" Her voice was still frantic.

I nodded vigorously. "I promise, Alice. You're with me now and I'm going to keep you safe. I'll make sure no one ever hurts you like that again. I'm only sorry that I didn't get you out earlier."

Only then did her rigid little body even begin to relax. I looked at her, rubbing her back with one hand and fresh tears away with the other, just managing to smile for her. Really I didn't feel at all like smiling. I felt like going back to that asylum and massacring every worker there before going to kill her parents. But I knew that it wouldn't make anyone but me feel better and Alice needed me to stay here.

"I love you." She said, straight out and serious as could be for the first real time.

I did feel like smiling then, all of the sudden. She leaned forward as if to kiss me but I wouldn't let her. It was just too dangerous and tempting and I knew that as soon as I allowed myself to kiss her lips I would only want more.

"Do you love me too, Edward? Or is this just…" I could feel hear her thoughts become uncertain until she got a quick vision of me telling her what I was about to.

"You're my whole world Alice. I would do anything for you. Of course, I love you."

She managed to get herself closer to me. "You will kiss me." She said confidently. "I've seen it." She smiled like a jackrabbit.

I rolled my eyes at her. How could the same talent be so useful and annoying at the same time? "Alice, look at us." I motioned to our proximity together on the bed. "Think about how improper…"

She cut me off "Do you really think that I care one way or another about proper when I've just spent the last four years of my life in the same dark damp room without ever even a bath? Society turned its back on me, why should I go by it's silly rules?"

I had to admit, she had pretty good point. But that still didn't change anything. "Alice, I'm a vampire, I can't…"

"What? You can't do this?" Before I had time to do anything she leaned up and pressed her soft lips to mine, placing a hand at my chest. I was too shocked and was enjoying it too much to break away from her until she tried to deepen the kiss and I knew I had to. French kissing really isn't a good idea when you have a mouth full of venom.

I tried to stay calm and collect myself. She had felt so good. I had never wanted anyone for their blood or body or soul so much in my existence.

That had been my first real kiss…and she had kissed me. _Huh._

I stared at her while she beamed up at me, obviously very satisfied with herself.

I couldn't help but grin.


	8. first everything

The next few weeks passed by in a blur. Carlisle had taken another job in Ashland, and we moved there after Alice only been with us for a week. Until we were far away out of town I never allowed her to be seen by a soul...which meant she couldn't leave the house. I saw to it that she took the cough serum Carlisle had prescribed for her religiously, but I was still worried about the stubborn cough that lingered. She was showing real signs of improvement, though.

By the end of our first week in Ashland she no longer needed any help standing or walking around and I began to notice her more natural grace that was there any time she moved. She kind of reminded me of a ballerina dancing around…only I never saw Alice dance. I could certainly tell that she was beginning to feel much better. It amazed me what just regular bathing, food, and company could do for a human's health.

Carlisle had made sure that our new house was a three bedroom this time- not that I really needed a room except for appearances, but neither of us thought it appropriate for Alice to been sharing one with me, even just a hypothetical one. Unlike our previous houses, it was very clear that a girl lived in this one in the way that it was organized throughout. Her room had Alice's personality stamped all over it…even though she had no belongings except the few things that Carlisle and I had given her.

Being a mind reader has several perks and one of those is that there are plenty of ways to make money, so I had more than enough for anything I thought Alice needed. Often that led to me getting a little carried away, admittedly, as her room was by then always overflowing with bright, cheerful flowers. The third day we were in Ashland, the sky was over cast and I was free to go anywhere I pleased during the day. Alice was gitty about the vision she'd had of me taking her out on the town shopping and practically dragged me out of the house at the crack of dawn to go. It was the first time I had the opportunity to take her anywhere since we had moved and she finally became well enough. I was excited at the prospect and she couldn't stop smiling. The whole idea made me very happy.

So we took Carlisle's car and went into town. I had already made up my mind that I wanted this to be a memorable day for her and that I was going to spoil her every way possible. We started walking out on the main street going window shopping and occasionally inside any store that had women's clothing (though it was very often difficult to find her size in adult clothes). The first one we went into was very cutting edge in fashion and Alice seemed enthralled at all the types of clothes and styles to look at.

Now that she was feeling better her personality was coming out more and more and I wasn't all that surprised when she took a liking to the new shorter flapper style dresses. She tried one on and it showed off her legs from the knees down and I couldn't stop staring at them. I saw her smile at me as I looked and I realized that she wasn't one bit embarrassed at the thought of showing them, though I would have been blushing hard if I still had the ability. Many of the outfits she chose were attention grabbing, in my opinion, but it made her happy and they looked good on her (everything did) so I didn't protest.

By lunch, we had gone to four stores and had five large shopping bags full of new clothes for her to prove it. She was beaming from ear to ear and so excited that she could barely sit still to eat. I can't say how it made me feel to see her that happy. We had lunch at a soda fountain in the middle of the square.

Looking at the menu, she said "I would like the cheese burger, french fried potatoes, and a strawberry malt, please." I was surprised that she ordered so much food, and so was the waitress, but it made me happy anytime I saw her eat a lot. I took it as a sign of her improving health. She lowered the menu to peek over it at me like a small child would and I laughed, taking the menu from her and putting it down flat on the table so that I could see her pretty face. Her gray/blue eyes were gleaming and I couldn't take my eyes off of them.

"I want to thank you for lunch…and all the clothes…and everything else you've been doing for me." She remarked, suddenly sporting a serious tone- that was a rare thing for Alice.

I nodded and grinned. "It's been my pleasure."

The waitress came back and put the food down in front of my little Alice, whose feet couldn't quite touch the floor from the unusually tall chair where she sat. She kicked them around like a small child as she ate.

"Did you know that this is the first time anyone has ever taken me out to eat at a real restaurant?"

I shook my head "no."

She eyed me curiously as if she wasn't sure whether to believe me or not. "For someone who can read minds, you sure don't pay much attention." She giggled. She didn't say it in a mean way and I knew she only meant it to tease me. I grinned at her, still watching her eat.

"It's not anything fancy. I'll take you to your first fancy restaurant as well one day." I stated.

"Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised about it. You are going to be my first everything." She stated without thinking, and then blushed hard once she realized exactly what she had let slip out.

I already knew this, of course, I had seen the vision right along with her when she got it, but that didn't make the idea any less awkward for me. Besides knowing the future, I knew my feelings for her and it just didn't matter to me that I hadn't known her for that long. Alice was easy to read for anyone who couldn't read her mind- she wore her heart on her sleeve and wasn't afraid to tell anyone what she thought about anything. To me, she was like an open book. I didn't need to be in a relationship with her for years to get to know her heart and soul inside and out. I already did and I loved everything about it. I loved everything about her.

_Carlisle, by that point, already had a pretty good idea of how serious I thought of her as well. But, I guess I'm getting ahead of the story, aren't I?_

After she had finished her lunch (and she had eaten ALL of it), I decided to take her to do another thing I knew from her thoughts that she had never experienced. We went to watch a movie. Back then, all movies were in black and white and only had captions instead of sound, but I liked to watch them occasionally anyway and we knew no different. This one was about pirates and noble people and the whole time Alice's eyes were glued to the screen. In many ways, I guess, she really was still a child and only beginning to experience life. It made me happy and a little smug that I was the one who had the privilege of introducing her to the world.

She couldn't quit taking about the movie as we walked out leisurely on the sidewalk until she came to a place that was holding a boxing match. She turned to go in, but I quickly stopped her.

"What are you doing?" I asked, confused at why she would want to go in such a place.

She smiled "They're placing bets and the little one with the blue shorts is going to win and nobody knows it. If you put money on him, you'll win a lot and it will make up for all those clothes you had to buy me." The idea of paying me back had her very excited but I shook my head, not wanting her to go into a place like that.

"Please Edward? Don't you want me to be able to take care of myself?"

I glared at her, knowing very well that she already knew that I didn't think it at all necessary for her to provide for herself, given my intentions. But she insisted and it is always nearly impossible to say no to Alice.

"How much do you want?" I asked, taking out my wallet.

She grinned. "Five dollars." I handed the bills to her and she leaned up on her tip toes to kiss me on the cheek. I still had to lean down a bit for her to be able to reach.

"I'll pay you back in just a minute." She winked, going over to the booth to place her bet. The man working there looked very amused with her, like a small child picking out which horse they want to bet on based on their favorite color. But he took her bet and laughed. I noticed behind him a pale man with long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail. I was about to go over to him...he was staring at Alice like she was something to eat, but Alice turned and headed in my direction.

She sauntered back to me grinning devilishly. "He thinks I'm going to lose." She said. We both waited for the match to start.

Unsurprisingly, the man Alice bet on won, and she collected more money out of that five dollar investment than I would have thought possible as the odds were all stacked up against her. The man who took her bet stared at her in disbelief.

There was a clear message here that I've made a motto of ever since: _never bet against Alice._

She tried to hand me my five dollars back but I wouldn't take it, insisting to her to use it instead to buy something she wanted. She was stubborn and continued trying for a moment, but after getting a vision letting her know that I was not going to give in she quickly stopped bothering and simply asked me to hold all of it for her as she had nowhere to keep it.

I obliged.


	9. The ballerina

_Author's note: Thank you all for sending feedback.. I love getting suggestions and often try to work them into the story. The more involved readers are the more I listen and the quicker I update, so don't be shy about corrections or suggestions. One suggestion I have received is about the possibility of Alice having a baby like Bella did in the books. I would like it if I could email that person or they email or PM me because I would like to discuss the idea in detail without giving away the story to everyone...unfortunately their reviews have been anonymous so I can't send a reply. If you have sent that suggestion and are reading this, please sign in or leave an email to contact you with so that I can discuss it. Thank you to everyone who has read this far. This is the longest chapter to date. I hope you enjoy it._

When we were almost home, we stopped to pick up an elderly woman that lived beside us. She was just about to drop all of the grocery bags she had been carrying and it was obvious she was just too old to do it herself. I pulled the car over and Alice jumped out to assist her, taking one of her bags while I took the other two and helped her to the car to give her a ride the rest of the way.

She looked to be in her eighties and, when she smiled at us, I noticed nearly all of her teeth were gone.

"Thank you children so much. It's so nice to see that there are still respectful young people these days!" She looked over to me and then to Alice, who was sitting between us (there was no backseat). "My what a gentleman you are, and how pretty a little girl. Are you two siblings or courting?"

"Courting." I quickly answered. It wasn't unusual for people to assume Alice was my little sister based on her size, though physically she was actually a year or so older at this point. No one could tell. We reached to woman's house and I opened her door and helped her out before taking her bags to carry. She stopped when Alice got out as well as if to watch the girl a moment while she walked.

"My, my. Well you certainly have a natural grace, don't you? You know, my granddaughter Cecilia owns a school of dance across town. They teach ballet. You should go, you'd be a beautiful dancer…" she looked up to me quickly "that is, if your fiancé approves of that sort of thing." She smiled down sadly "I could have been a world class ballerina if my husband would have let me, but he just wouldn't approve, you know."

I chose not to think about the fiancé title, but secretly liked the way it sounded. Alice looked up at me hopefully, elated at the idea and I grinned. "Alice may do anything she wishes as long as it's safe and makes her happy."

"Oh! Really, Edward? Thank you, thank you! I would love that!" She turned back to the woman who was thinking about how doting of a husband I would be. She smiled sadly to herself, wishing she was young and beautiful again as she looked at Alice.

"Yes, yes. And don't worry about the cost, all of that is on me. Such good young folks deserve a little reward every now and then and there are just so few left nowadays. Well now, you two love birds go on off on your way, I don't want to hold you- I'm sure that young lady's parents will want her home soon."

Alice's face faltered a little bit at that statement and she thought briefly on how much her parents didn't want her home- ever, but forced the thought away and managed a small smile. The woman didn't notice.

We thanked her and went home, being sure that the old woman didn't spy Alice going into the house as that would ruin any thoughts she had of us being 'nice young folk'. We were already pushing it just being alone in the car together with no chaperone. I brought her shopping bags in and went to the kitchen to fix her dinner. I was beginning to become decently good at cooking and it was a skill I was very proud of…though I had no use for it other than to serve Alice. She washed and hung up all of her new clothes on the line outside, and that filled in all the time she had before I insisted she go to bed.

She closed the door to change into her ankle length nightgown and then opened the door so that I could come in. She lay down, still squirming and I sat on the edge of the mattress, leaning over to tuck her in.

"I love you, my visitor." She mumbled to me sweetly as she drifted off to sleep almost at once. She still called me her 'visitor' sometimes even though it seemed odd. I didn't mind. She could call me anything she pleased if it made her happy.

I kissed my little Alice on the forehead and replied "I love you too, sweet dreams." Hopefully, for once her dreams would be sweet and not about all of the horrible things that had happened to her before. She still often awoke shaking and screaming from nightmares like the one she had her first night out of the asylum. I knew that it was only something that would fade in time though, if at all. She had been through some pretty serious trauma and Carlisle said that many people never get over experiences like that. But, for now, she was sleeping soundly and I was content.

I stood at the foot of her bed and watched her, just in case she needed me or had a nightmare...she always did at least once. Anytime she would, I would wait to see what it was about first and then gently try to wake her much like I had the first night that she was home with me. She would ask me to sit on the bed with her and she would lie down and fall back asleep with her head on my lap. At first I always pried myself up and away after she began sleeping again, but I was finding it progressively harder to move her away from me. Actually it wasn't getting harder to move her, I suppose, it was simply harder to make myself move. I liked the excuse to be so close to her too much.

The very next day, Alice just had to go to the ballet school. Bouncing out of bed at eight o'clock in the morning she whirled to the kitchen where I had eggs and biscuits on the table for her. I nodded "yes" to the question she hadn't asked out loud yet about going. It was rainy, thankfully, so she was able to attend- there was no way that I would let her go anywhere by herself because she was still recovering and I didn't think it safe without someone to protect her. I didn't like the idea of her being out alone as a girl her size. The class was to start an hour after we got there and Cecilia, the old woman's granddaughter, had already apparently been told all about us. She thanked both of us again for helping the woman and welcomed Alice to her school, placing her in the beginner's class.

Cecilia looked at Alice's dress, however, and frowned. "You'll need a dancing uniform. I have some in the storeroom for sale, you'll need to purchase one. Let's find your size…you'll need a children's size, won't you?" She spoke more to herself than to Alice.

Alice only nodded and picked out a light pink dancing uniform (after going through practically every other uniform there) that fit very tightly and left practically nothing to the imagination. Of course, all the dancers were dressed that way. Still, she looked beautiful…and I had a very hard time remaining calm and not staring at certain unmentionable parts of her body.

The class began and I sat back in a wooden chair towards a corner to watch. An older woman sat down at a beautiful baby grand piano and began playing the classical music for the girls. The instructor never had to tell Alice how to do anything twice, or correct anything she did as the woman did the other girls. My Alice had a grace all her own that was almost unnatural in its beauty. It was only her first class, but I could see how quickly she caught on and took to all of it as naturally as breathing.

I knew that this was going to become part of who she was and I would never be able to tear her away from it. I knew this because, as I watched her graceful form move across the dance floor, for the first time ever it was as if her body was completely at ease. It was as if she were suddenly free from all that traumatized and tore down her life and, with each move; she was rebuilding a new one that was more solid, more confident, and more beautiful than either of us ever thought possible. For the first time since I had become a vampire, I was truly elated. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Cecilia came to stand over close to me without my noticing.

"I'm going to marry that girl." I breathed, just loud enough for myself I had thought, but Cecilia must have heard me because she moved closer to me and smiled, looking at Alice.

"I wouldn't blame you, young man, she is a beautiful, sweet young lady." She patted me on the shoulder and then moved to correct one of the other girls who was half a second behind everyone else.

I watched as Alice danced and danced for over an hour and then the woman called the class to a close. As everyone was exiting Cecilia pulled Alice aside.

"You could be a professional dancer, you know. My grandmother has a real eye for talent, even if you are too short for the stage. Are you interested in pursuing this?"

Alice gave an infectious smile and nodded enthusiastically.

"Well then," the woman continued "my class only meets twice a week. You'll need to practice on your own everyday to music."

Alice frowned and I could read clearly in her mind that she knew we had no piano player at home, but then decided that I would just have to do it and seemed pretty convinced that the problem was solved. I became nervous, very aware that I only had been taught a few cords in my human life and wasn't shall we say, exactly talented at playing the giant instrument. I hoped Alice wouldn't be too disappointed when she learned that I couldn't play for her. I wondered if she would settle for me buying her a gramophone player.

I congratulated her as we walked out from the fancy studio and walked her towards the car. Her smile was infectious and I could tell that she was still riding her sort of high that dancing had given her.

"Edward?"

"Yes, my sweet?"

"Could you take me into town? There's something I want to buy with my boxing money."

Cringing in my seat at the knowledge of what she was planning to buy, I drove her to the destination she had asked for without comment. The store that she looked for one in was old and most of the pianos were used. She looked at each one and ended up buying an older upright one with dark stained wood, ivory keys, and very ornate carvings all over it. The store owner promised to have it delivered later on that very day and Alice seemed excited about it.

I wasn't sure why, since I had already seen her have a vision about me trying desperately to play it to no avail, but it was her money and I had told her to keep it for something she wanted. If a piano was the thing she wanted to buy, that was fine by me as long as it made her happy. But, still, I worried.


	10. piano lessons

Later that day after the store owner's son had made the delivery and I had moved it to the spot in the living room Alice wanted, I ended up doing exactly as I had in the vision, trying hard but merely bumbling over the keys. I wasn't as if couldn't learn, of course, it's just that I couldn't learn instantly like I wanted to please Alice and help her practice.

Finally Alice quit practicing her newly learned moves and came over to where I was sitting on the bench smiling. She motioned for me to move over and plopped down beside me, close enough where our sides were touching. She placed a graceful hand over the keys and began playing as if she were an old pro.

I stared at her incredulously and she smiled sadly at me. "My grandfather taught me and my sister how to play a little before he died. I only know the notes and just a few songs." She began playing again and I watched her fingers intently, and then I tried to replicate what she had done. It actually seemed to work pretty well; I only made one mistake the whole time.

"Your grandfather was kind to you then?"

"Yes, he was the only one that didn't think I was satanic- other than my sister. Actually, you're a little bit like him. He would always do anything to get me and Cynthia to smile." She looked up at me mischievously. "But I think of you in quite different terms than I did him."

I grinned.

"I knew you were going to be good at this." She stated a little smugly and then coughed. "You just need to know the basics, here-" She placed her own hands over mine and hit a patterned row of keys. "Just remember- Every Good Boy Does Fine." It was obviously an anagram. She laughed and kissed me on the cheek before playing something else. It was a slow, very pretty song that I had never heard before and sounded something like a wind up music box might play.

"That is my favorite." She stated.

"What's it called?" I asked.

Her mind searched and came up empty. The only thing she could remember about it other than when she was taught was being over at her grandparents house as a young child. She could remember her grandmother and grandfather sitting on the bench playing it together, her grandfather's free hand wound lovingly around his wife's waist. I smiled at her memory. It was the first good one I had seen in her mind, other than ones of her sister. It made me happy to know that, at least as a young child, there were people that loved her.

She knew that I had seen it, so she didn't bother to answer verbally.

I was surprised she could remember how to play after all of those years locked away, but she seemed to have no trouble. We sat there for about an hour with her helping me get started and then she began practicing her dance again. I kept playing, growing more confident in my ability to learn by the second.

After a while I noticed how late it was getting. It was nine o'clock and Alice still hadn't had her dinner yet. I felt ashamed of myself for getting carried away and neglecting her needs. Quickly I ushered her into the kitchen and almost had to force her to eat. She kept insisting that she wasn't hungry but I would have none of it and told her that we would just sit there all night until she ate. She finally did, begrudgingly. I tucked her into bed and kissed her forehead goodnight. Then I went back out into the living room and, very softly, began to practice again. I didn't stop playing all night.

After that Alice practiced dancing everyday and I practiced playing the piano for her every night. Before long, I could play the music for her to dance to and then even began making up my own music. I could see that she knew, of course, she would never be a stage performer- though she had the talent. She just loved doing it anyways. Our days were happy and complete. I would tuck her in every night and kiss her forehead and she would drift to sleep listening to me play my lullabies for her. I couldn't imagine a happier life than the one we had together. Most importantly, I could see that she was truly happy and, at last, healthy. So, I shouldn't think it would be a surprise to anyone what I finally did one night.

It was her birthday and I had taken her to ballet practice earlier in the day and then out to eat to celebrate. Carlisle came as well and we even got a small cake for her with nineteen candles to blow out and sang happy birthday to her. She was so excited and happy that she actually cried with we did that.

Carlisle gave her his present first- which I was still a little surprised about, even after I helped him build it while Alice was busy practicing. When we went home and took her to her room, Carlisle opened the door to what used to be his room (it was by far the largest) and had completely transformed it. Now there were huge glass mirrors covering the walls along with a wooden rail and the piano set up in a corner. It looked just like a ballet studio.

She turned around to face Carlisle in fake amazement. Of course, she knew this was coming, but I see that she did her best to make Carlisle think he had surprised her. She really did love it with all her heart, however, I could plainly tell that much. She cried when she walked inside and then turned around to hug Carlisle's neck.

"Thank you so much, Carlisle. You're better than a father to me." We smiled at her and watched as she danced around in there for a moment, testing out the bars and having fun.

I called to her. "Don't you want to open my present?" I asked, though I was a little worried. My little gift could hardly compare with what Carlisle had already done. Her eyes lit up and she ran over to me, taking the box, and telling me how much she loved them before she even had it unwrapped. Carlisle and I laughed. Once she did get the gift unwrapped and out of the box she gazed at the pair of light pink wooden toe ballet shoes that tied on her legs. I had been assured by Cecilia that they were the highest quality that could be bought. Immediately she put them on and resumed dancing; now taking it up to a whole new level.

Carlisle watched her with me for another moment and then told me that he had to go or he'd be late for his shift at the hospital. He would be working in the emergency room tonight. He wished me good luck. I thanked him and turned back around to continue watching my beautiful little ballerina as she danced with magical grace around the room. I fiddled with the object in my pocket and glanced at my watch.

"I hate to interrupt you, Alice, but if we don't leave soon we'll miss that other part of your present." She stopped in her tracks and immediately changed back into her regular shoes to go to the show in. As luck would have it a professional ballet show that was touring the country was in town that night and, as Alice already knew from her visions, I had bought tickets for us to see it in the front row center. She ran over to me and kissed my cheek before eyeing me curiously, as if measuring how much she thought she could get away with. I couldn't get a read, however, because currently she was singing Amazing Grace as loud as she could inside her mind. She had figured out a while ago that doing things like that were the best way to block me out on the rare occasion she wanted to.

Confused, I leaned down to her level to look her in the eye and ask what was going on but, before I had the chance, she kissed me on the lips so passionately that I had a very hard time keeping my mouth shut and staying in control of myself. After allowing it for a moment I broke away quickly and stared at her bewildered as she flashed me one of her infectious smiles and then ran to the car. Carlisle had taken to walking back and forth to work and letting me keep the car around in case I needed to take Alice somewhere. She couldn't travel nearly as fast or far as us, after all.

The show lasted for nearly three hours and was easily, according to Alice's thoughts, "the most fabulous thing I have ever seen". I was just happy it pleased her. I was very nervous and wanted everything to go so right tonight. After the show, I brought her home and asked her if she would like to take a walk with me. It was late march by that time, and unusually warm, but I still insisted she wear her shawl out. After seeing her in the state I met her in it would be over my dead body for her to ever skip a meal, go without sleep, or risked getting chilled for the rest of her life. I couldn't bear the thought of her ever catching an illness and losing her, though by this time she was completely healthy. Even her stubborn cough Carlisle and I had been so worried about had finally gone away. Humans were just so fragile.

We walked around back and I sat down on a large rock, pulling her up to sit in my lap. Immediately she snuggled up against me and lay her head against my chest. For once, I was very glad I didn't have a heartbeat. I knew that she knew, but as silly as it was I didn't want to give myself away. If I had a heart that still beat at all, it would have been pounding. We sat there quietly for several minutes before I decided to start saying anything.

"Alice?"

"Yes?" Her beautiful bell like voice sent chills down my spine.

"I need to talk to you about something…something I have been thinking about for a long time." I stroked the back of her short hair as I spoke. "You know how I feel about you. But I need to know how you feel about me and everything else."

She laughed. "Edward, you're a mind reader and I'm a psychic. Don't you think that we can skip over this part?"

I shook my head, still very serious.

She leaned up and pecked me on the mouth. _Yes, Edward. I'm fine with it…all of it. I know what I'm giving up and it's no sacrifice to be with you, my visitor._

I was still terrified about what I about to say. I would die if she changed her mind on me, though she had every right to. I was so selfish. "I could never give you children. I'm not sure I could even ever make love to you. I'm too afraid that I might hurt you if I tried. How could you really want…"

She smiled gently and took my face in her hands. "Edward, listen to me. I'm nineteen years old now, that's more than adult. I…" She took in a breath as if what she was about to say was too hard to get out "I-I've been through a lot. You rescued me. You were like my white knight from the fairytales who came and carried me from a dungeon into heaven." She giggled nervously. "I've been…I've..." She stumbled over her words. "frankly, the idea of never having to have sex again suits me just fine."

_I cringed hearing her try her best to unsuccessfully block out all of the vile, brutal things that had been done to her…getting raped so many times...the shock treatments...her screaming._ Her voice brought me back out of her scarred inner mind.

"For the record though, I know you would never hurt me." She finally looked up and met my eyes again. "I don't see any of this as a sacrifice; I see it as God paying me back tenfold for being patient with him as I suffered." She smiled again. "I never blamed him and now just look at my life and everything I have…with you."

I swallowed hard. That had been very difficult to listen to and it felt so out of character for my Alice to say all of that, but there she had. "Are you sure?" I managed to ask.

She nodded. "What about you? Are you sure you're still going to want me when I'm old and toothless and ugly?"

I laughed. "You could never be ugly Alice, especially not to me."

I moved her from my lap and got up to face her, bending down to one knee on the grass and reaching in my pocket…


	11. Esme

...and that was when we both turned in shock to hear a woman's agonized screaming. I looked over to see Carlisle carrying a petite woman (though not compared to Alice) who seemed to be withering in pain into the house. I knew that look of pain very well…I recalled suffering through it only a few years ago myself. Alice turned to look at me in shock.

"Did you?" I questioned, wondering how I had missed something like that inside her thoughts.

Her face was a little white and she shook her head no. "He must have just did it on impulse."

I sighed and put what I had been retrieving back in my pocket before quickly standing up and helping Alice off of the rock. We ran inside to find Carlisle laying the woman down on my bed…that was the only one that wasn't being used since he had just made his into Alice's new ballet room. The woman looked to be in her mid twenties and pretty, with caramel colored hair.

"Carlisle?" I asked.

He turned to me from where he sat, waiting patiently beside her. "They were so sure she was dead…they brought her straight back to the morgue." He glanced at her as if he knew and cared for her already. "I treated her a few years ago when she broke her leg. Her name is Esme."

I felt shocked…and, truthfully, a little bit betrayed. Not because I didn't want Carlisle to have someone, a partner, lover, wife…no that I had hoped for him many times. I very much wanted Carlisle to have love like that Alice and I shared together. What upset me about it was the timing. Out of all the hundreds of years of his existence he chooses to bring a newborn vampire bride for himself in the house now? What would we do about Alice? A newborn wouldn't be able to control their thirst around her. This woman…Esme, could kill my sweet little fiance.

I looked up at Carlisle's face, however, and knew it wasn't the time to question him on it. He was too worried about the woman. Honestly, now that I was seeing how it looked from his view I couldn't really blame him for worrying. She looked…she looked like humpy dumpty after he fell off the wall. And she was screaming in agony because of all the venom coursing through her at the moment.

I felt a hand on my arm and knew that it was Alice, standing behind me. I quickly turned to her and ushered her from the room, wrapping my arms around her waist. I led her to her room, knowing that the transformation was just beginning and the woman would be out for several days and wasn't a threat until she was awake.

"Is Carlisle turning her into a vampire?" She eagerly asked.

I nodded, pulling back the covers and motioning for her to get into bed.

"How many people has he made into vampires, Edward?" Her tone sounded strangely childlike and innocent.

"She'll be his second. I was his first."

"Oh." Was all she said. Then a thought came into her mind. She looked at me intently. "You want to save the formal asking for another night now, I suppose. But just so you'll know my answer is yes."

I couldn't hold back my gleeful smile after that. I turned around to face the wall as she changed into her nightgown and then got back into bed. I went over to her again as she lay down and I began covering her up…fixing the blankets just so over her.

"You know, my visitor, that if neither one of us has any intention of doing anything and we're going to be married anyway…I really don't see the harm in you laying with me instead of standing at the foot of my bed and just watching to be more proper."

I could see where that made sense and I really liked the excuse to get to lie beside her all night. I wasted no time in climbing into the bed with her. She turned away from me and then backed up until our entire bodies were touching. Mine suddenly felt like it was on fire…and not just because she had a warmer temperature than me. It was as if my body had a mind of its own and I suddenly had a…reaction to her that absolutely mortified me. I quickly scooted back away from her but she turned around to look at me smirking.

"Edward, come back here. I know you're attracted to me…obviously. You want me to marry you, so don't be so embarrassed about what you can't control." She laughed. "I'm not _that _traumatized. Just don't try to pin me down in my sleep or anything and I'll be just fine."

I was a bit taken aback by her choice of words, but did as she said and tried not to think about it. I really wished that I was human so that I could make love to her once we were married…if and when she decided she felt comfortable with it. I was a virgin, so I knew that I might not be perfect on my first try. But I was fairly certain that, though she might have been made to fear the act, I could show her that it wasn't always brutal; I could do it in a slow and soft enough way for her to enjoy it. I would have traded anything for the chance.

I finally worked up the courage to scoot back up to her and wrap an arm over her, placing my hand at her skinny belly. She rubbed against me approvingly and took hold of my hand. Once she had, I decided to take out the ring I had tried to give her earlier of my mother's. Without making a big to do over it, I simply slipped it onto the correct finger. She didn't move much or reply to the act other than touch it with her other hand and smile sweetly. I kissed the back of her head and neck several times, worried that Alice wouldn't be able to sleep for all of Esme's screaming in the next room over.

"Is the screaming bothering you?" I asked.

For a moment Alice didn't reply. "No…no. It just kind of reminds me of the asylum. I'm used to screaming, but I'm afraid that if I go to sleep I'll dream that I'm there." Her hand went over the ring again. "And I'm just so excited. This is beautiful, Edward."

I was content to feel her heart beat next to me and get to hold her so closely. It was more than I'd ever hoped for. _My beautiful little Alice. _I didn't want to move, let alone get up, but I knew that it was the only way. I gently got out of bed and retrieved the piano from the other room. It just barely fit in this one. Hoping to drown out the noise, I played every song I knew, over and over for Alice while she slept. Then, once I had run out, I began making up new ones.

I had made up my mind to move with Alice the next day so Esme's new born thirst wouldn't endanger her, but Carlisle insisted that he and Esme move instead…especially since he had just given Alice her ballet room. He didn't want to take anything away from her. I took Alice out with me and found a good one for him on the other side of town- as happy as I was for Carlisle, I didn't want Alice anywhere near a newborn.

We made all the necessary preparations for him so that he wouldn't have to leave her during the transformation. It took us two days to have a house purchased and all the furniture and everything they would need moved in. It was a big job and both nights Alice was wiped out- she was asleep before her head could hit her pillow. I played the piano again both nights to block the screaming. On the third morning early before sunrise Carlisle left to the new house with her.

I vaguely wondered what she would think of all of it once she woke up. Would she like Carlisle? Would they get along? Alice said they would. She'd seen them kissing. I was glad I hadn't seen that one with her. While I couldn't imagine anyone disliking or disrespecting Carlisle, he was like my parent and the idea of them doing things made me a little sick.

Time passed. Esme had awoke the day Carlisle moved them to the new house. Alice and I set a date to be married- April 28th. The wedding was to be a month from then. Alice wanted enough time to shop for the perfect dress and I cringed at how long that might take. Honestly, I didn't mind so much. The only part of it that bothered me was that she insisted on going alone since I wasn't supposed to see the dress until the day of. I hated her going anywhere alone. Lately, however, it had been very sunny outside and I wouldn't have been able to be seen in town even if she had allowed me to accompany her.

It became a habit for Alice to ask me to take her to ballet practice and them drop in town to go shopping. I had given her my checkbook so that she would have access to howver much she would need to buy her wedding gown or anything else she wanted. I didn't like letting her walk around town alone, but I didn't have an alternative and couldn't deprive her of her wedding dress. If it had been up to me we would have just gone to the courthouse the day after I had sort of proposed and made it official, but I coud see that doing the wedding just so was very important to her.

On the day Alice finally came home with a large bag I assumed to be a wedding dress she seemed troubled. She was singing Yanke Doodle, so I had no idea what she was thinking other than that it was something she didn't want me to hear.

"I don't want you to accidentally see my dress in my head." She had insisted, saying that she was just too excited about it to not picture it on her in the shop.

I had a feeling it was something else, but who was I to question the little bit of privacy she insisted on, it wasn't as if she had much with me being a mind reader. Against my better judgement, I left it alone.

Esme was doing remarkable well as a vegetarian. She still had her red eyes, as she would for another several months. She even met Alice- from a distance, of course, so that she couldn't be tempted by my Alice's exquisite smell. The major advantage we had was that Alice would see her coming if Esme decided to attack and, therefore, so would I. The two talked over the phone constantly.

She had taken to Carlisle immediately and we were all hoping that the separation was only to be temporary. After a few years, we could all move back in together and Esme could play Alice or I's parent along with Carlisle. She was a very sweet woman. I could see how compassionate she was in her mind. Apparently she had jumped off a cliff because her baby died. Carlisle told me that she had been in hiding from an abusive husband and the baby only lived a few days after birth...lung infection. I felt sorry for her.

The night before our wedding, I was staying over at Carlisle and Esme's to give Alice her privacy. Carlisle had promised to check on her on the way to his hospital shift. He was going to stay the rest of the night and the next morning over there once he got off of work. Esme was on the phone with Alice when I arrived at their house. Both women were chatting away about floral arrangements and how pretty Alice would look and just about the whole deal of tomorrow. I could see how excited Esme was and knew that part of it was because she looked forward to making plans for her own wedding with Carlisle. He had not asked her yet, of course, but it was extremely obvious that this woman was going to be my mother. She already acted like it often times. It didn't bother me really because I could see in her mind that she was a natural caregiver. She just needed children to care for and I was the only one available that she wasn't tempted to eat.

"Don't worry about tomorrow, dear. Everything will go perfect. I've been hunting all day and I know that I'll be alright to come. Oh, yes. I promise! You are going to be so beautiful."

"Yes, he just walked in, would you like to talk to him? Oh, yes of course. Tomorrow then. Well, goodnight dear. Don't forget that Carlisle will be coming to check on you later- yes. Okay, you too. Bye." Esme smiled and hung up the phone.

_She was the last person to ever talk to my Alice alive._


	12. just one day

_Author's note: This is what happened earlier before Edward left Alice to go to Carlisle and Esme's house...Kind of a rewind on their day together. PART OF THIS CHAPTER IS M RATED! THIS MATERIAL IS MARKED AND CONTAINED BETWEEN TWO BAR LINES SO THAT IT CAN BE SKIPPED OVER FOR ANYONE UNCOMFORTABLE OR TOO YOUNG TO READ IT. This will be the only M rated material for several chapters and there may not be any more after this at all, so don't be too offended. (This was more awkward for me to write than it could possibly be for you to read, trust me, I'm a straight girl and it's from Edward's perspective.) This chapter is also about twice as long as my longest regular chapter, so enjoy and remember to review (that way I'll know whether most people liked it or were too offended for future chapters)._

_Earlier the day- April 27th, 1921_

Alice was glowing from the moment she awoke beside me. She breathed in the scent of the newly washed sheets and snuggled up closer in my arms, thinking about how she could never get close enough. I understood the feeling completely. I kissed the back of her short ebony hair and smiled, thinking about how lucky I was. I couldn't believe that this beautiful sweet angel whom I had the privilege of holding tightly in my arms was going to be my wife tomorrow. Something in me almost wouldn't let me really believe it. It was just too good to be true. What had I ever done to deserve this? I was a monster, why would God grant me such happiness? My mind came up completely blank. I kissed the back of her neck and smiled, nestling my face into her short ebony hair.

I kissed the back of her head again and she turned around to look at me with an odd expression, though I didn't know why because she was humming her grandfather's tune inside her mind. Lately, she had been doing a lot of that. Passing it off as simple nerves and other things about the wedding she didn't want to give away, I never mentioned it. Though it really drove me insane, I knew she deserved her privacy.

She kissed me square on the lips and I let her, responding and and brushing the side of her face with the tips of my fingers. I knew that self control in these sort of situations was just something that I would have to get used to...there would be at least kissing every single day for the next sixty or seventy years. I would get to keep her for that long. I didn't let myself think about what I would do after that. It was both inevitable and the most horrible thing I could imagine. I never thought long about it, however, because I refused to waste any of those sixty to seventy years I did have. I couldn't kiss with my mouth open, even though I wanted to deepen the kiss and knew she did as well. It was extremely frustrating, but I couldn't risk getting venom in her mouth at all.

When I broke away I thought of a good distraction. I had been very excited about and couldn't wait to give it to her any longer anyways, so I slipped out of bed and walked over to the dresser on the other side of the room. It faced the foot of the bed. I opened one of the top drawers and pulled out a box, walking back towards Alice. I stopped in my tracks as soon as I turned back around to her, though. Alice was sitting propped up with pillows in the bed with her legs tucked to the side of her body. She was wearing her white satin nightgown with short little cap sleeves that swept to her ankles. Her ebony hair shined in the sunlight that flowed through the yellow cotton curtains that were popular in that era of time. In this light, she truely looked like an angel. I could smell her incredible scent from where I stood and I would have had to hold my breath if the sight of her hadn't taken it away already. I froze, taking in the sight fully and making sure to preserve it perfectly in my mind.

She flashed an infectious smile at me. "Good morning."

I smiled back at her and said the same. "Stay right like for a second, Alice." I asked as I took the large, clumsy camera out from the tiny closet and set it up, snapping a picture of her just like that. For the first time ever I remember wishing that the picture would be in its real color. Black and white simply couldn't do justice to my Alice's gorgeous light blue eyes, or show the way the yellow reflected on her skin and hair. Still, it would have to do. I wanted to document how I felt at that exact moment. It wasn't the first or only picture I had taken of her, but it was my favorite.

Picking up the box off the dresser again, I walked back over to the bed and crawled into the center of it with Alice. She took the package and eyed it with curious confusion.

"You didn't see it already?" I asked, excited at the prospect of actually surprising her for once.

She just barely shook her head. "I've just been...distracted lately, is all, I guess."

"Its your wedding present. I can't stand to wait to give it to you any longer."

She took it and delicately peeled back the wrapping paper first, then lifted the wooden lid and reached down into the heavy padding to pull out a small jewelry box. The outside was fourteen carat gold with an intricate design engraved all over it. I had ordered it from London not long after Alice gave me her first piano lesson.

"Edward..." She gasped at it looking so expensive, but the outside wasn't what I was concerned with. I took it and gently wound the crank on the back several times before handing the box back to her.

"Open it." I gently encouraged.

Very slowly, she lifted the lid back fully and music started playing at the same time a delicate little porcelain ballerina began twirling around inside. The ballerina was situated in front of the built in mirror on the inside of the lid. The song was no other than the one her grandfather used to play.

Her eyes had become huge at this point. I heard within her mind that she never knew such things existed. The winder and spinning ballerina was newer, this was only the second I had ever seen, but I had asked what the best the company could do was and this was it. The inside was lined with dark green velvet and was otherwise empty.

Tears started to form in her eyes as she listened to the music box play her song and watched the little spinning ballerina for another several minutes.

"I wanted you to have it for tonight when I won't be here to play for you. You could put it on as you go to sleep." The tears started to run down her cheeks even though she was smiling. I honestly couldn't tell if she were in bliss or torment right then...it sort looked like both, really. I was confused, but still couldn't get much of a read on her thoughts.

"I know it's empty...but I thought we could work on that when we're traveling around on our honeymoon. Do you like it?" I asked, getting nervous.

She turned to me. "It's beautiful, Edward." She breathed. "Only you would do something like this..." She continued looking at it for the longest, running her thin little fingers over every part of it, then she sat it on the nightstand beside our bed and cranked it up again, enough for it to play for a long time.

Alice turned back to me. Her expression was just so tortured that I almost couldn't stand it, even if she was smiling at me. Then she crawled over so that she was sitting in front of me and had her back to the foot of the bed. Reaching up with her hand to touch my face, her fingers traced over my skin, like a blind person trying to see what I look like.

"I love you. You know that, don't you?" The pain in her voice was unmistakable.

"Of course I do. What's wrong Alice? Are you okay?"

She vigorously nodded her head. "Just prewedding jitters, I suppose."

"Cold feet?" I prayed the answer was no. I didn't know what I would do if she changed her mind. I was much too selfish to try to live without her.

She looked up to meet my eyes though her heavy lashes and took both of my hands with hers. "Its not soon enough." She all but cried.

"Tomorrow?" I asked, confused.

She nodded, humming in her head faster now. "I want to marry you now."

I cracked a smile and wrapped my hands around hers-enveloping them almost completely, feeling relieved.

"Can't we just...have a run through? Maybe we can be married now- just between the two of us...until the real wedding tomorrow. Will you?"

I kissed her forehead. "You want to hear me go ahead and say it, then? Is that what you're asking?"

She nodded. I let out a breath. I felt silly, but if it made her feel better I was more than happy to do it.

"I, Edward, take you to be my wife. To love you, comfort you, and keep you all the days of my life" I took in a breath, getting to the part I didn't like. "until death do us part."

I watched her face intently as she slowly and carefully said every word of her vow. I leaned in and kissed her and she wrapped her arms around to hug me as we kissed. I could feel her need to be close to me radiating from her body. We kissed until somehow we ended up laying down again with her back to the bed under me and my body stretching over hers.

I broke away until she spoke "Don't you dare say we're being inappropriate." Her tone softened and for the first time I grasped how serious she was when she had us say our vows early a few minutes ago "We're married now, okay? I have be brave. It has to be now." She grasped the collar of my shirt and pulled me back down even closer to her and leaned her head up the rest of the distance to kiss me. "I love you." I heard her whisper.

I whispered back "I love you too, my wife." As we continued to kiss.

_**From this line down to the next the chapter contains M Rated material- namely sexual content. If you don't want to read it or aren't old enough just skip down until you see another line- I promise you won't miss anything pivotal to understanding the rest of the story.**_

* * *

I felt her begin to unbutton my shirt. I opened my eyes and watched her do it as she stared at me intensely.

"Please." She begged so quietly that I barely heard her even with my vampire enhanced hearing. Though I was terrified for a multitude of reasons, I didn't stop her. She leaned up and I sat back up and put a hand at her back to bring her with me so she would have an easier time. Finally all the buttons were undone and my shirt hung open to reveal nothing but my bare chest. She gently pushed it off from my shoulders and I put it on the beside table.

I reached a shaky hand out to touch her face "Alice are you sure...I don't know if I... I don't want to hurt you." I finally reached by the end of my stuttering. She quit humming and I saw what she did in her mind...us cuddling without any clothes. It was very clear that she had no bruises or anything. I sighed with relief and nodded. I was willing to at least try...after all, she was the one who would be afraid. I wanted this just as bad as any man who was in love, except for much more because I was more in love with Alice than anyone I had ever gotten a read on before.

I kissed her again, first on the mouth and then I continued on in a line over her jaw, her cheek, her neck. She tilted her head to the side to give me better access. I continued, spending a lot of time there as I could tell that Alice was enjoying it especially. I slowly moved south to the base of her neck and exposed collarbone. Alice never seemed to pick out terribly old fashioned or conservative clothes and her nightgown was no exception, even if it did reach her ankles. I traced my fingers over the skin on her upper arms before bringing my hand back behind her to untie the bow on her nightgown.

I could feel Alice's eyes boring into me as she decided to just take it off herself. Remembering her memories of a man ripping them off her before I could understand why she would rather be the one to do it. I could see then that the key to getting her to enjoy the experience and not make her afraid in any way would be to let her take more control than I would have otherwise given her. I decided to make sure everything that was done was done on her terms, that I would do nothing that could possibly be mistaken as forcible or controlling.

I could tell that she was nervous as she slowly lifted the gown over her head. She was afraid that I wouldn't like what she looked like. I could hear a million little insecurities begin to leak into her head as she self consciously recovered her chest with the wadded up night gown. I leaned in closer to her and kissed her lips until I felt her begin to relax a little and then I placed my hand back at her shoulder and rubbed up and down her right arm, using my free hand to hold the back of her head. Slowly, I reached down with my left hand to her hand that was holding the gown to her chest and took it, making sure that it was okay with her first. Her hand because slack that held it and I tossed it to the floor beside the bed. I put my hand back to her hand and squeezed it for assurance, holding it like I had a million times before and ignored the rest of her body as best as I could for the moment.

Still kissing her, I reached down to remove my pants. I thought it might make her more comfortable if she weren't the only one that was practically naked. As soon as she heard the zipper creak, however, she reacted differently than I expected and jumped, clearly afraid all of the sudden.

I froze. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll slow down." I re zipped and buttoned my pants quickly. Her expression was a mixture of fear and embarrassment. I slowly reached out to touch her face again, going slow enough so that she could stop me before I touched her if she wanted. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her. She didn't stop me.

"Let me do it." She finally said, eyeing me curiously and wondering why I hadn't looked at her body yet. I hadn't looked yet- not once. So far I had kept my eyes firmly focused on her face. This was something that was right up there with her blood to test my restraint. I wanted to look so badly but I refused to do so until I felt like she wanted me to.

I nodded and she leaned forward and unbuttoned and zipped my pants. I took them off quickly and tossed them to the floor with her nightgown. Her eyes raked over my body.

_Wow. _Was all I heard her think for a moment and I couldn't help but laugh. Her eyes came back up to my eyes. _Look at me Edward. I want you to look at me. _

I finally allowed my eyes to travel downwards. That was the first time I had ever seen a real woman without clothes, though I had a pretty good idea of what they looked like, of course. Back then teenage boys didn't have nude women on television to watch or magazines. My wife was absolutely breathtaking. There wasn't an inch of her that I would change anything about.

"You are the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. You're gorgeous, Alice." The last part came out almost as low as a whisper. Strangely, I felt out of breath even though I didn't need it. It was almost difficult to talk because there just were no words to convey what I was thinking at the moment. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever had to do up to that point in my life to keep my hands off of her. I could see her body begin to relax more as she became more convinced that I loved what I saw. She leaned forward until we were kissing again and then scooted the rest of her little body to match so that she was sitting on my lap facing me.

I dared to place my hands at the sides of her bare waist. Alice kissed me harder and wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her breasts up to my chest. Like the rest of her, they were small- but proportionally they looked right on her. I liked them the way they were. My hands traveled up the expanse of her back and I loved just the feel of getting to run my hands over her warm, smooth bare skin.

Her hands roamed over my top half as well, exploring my back and chest as we kissed. When we broke apart again I began to kiss her neck and reached down to put my arm underneath her....not to feel her butt or anything yet, but just to lift her body up so that I could readjust myself and the way I was sitting. Sensing no fear in her thoughts or body language I tilted her backwards until she was laying down again, except this time I was on top of her and laying in between her legs. I trailed kisses down her neck and collarbone, and then finally her breasts. I reached up to touch one with my hand as I continued to kiss the other. Placing my chin on her belly I looked up to her. She smiled and I kissed her on her belly several more times in a playful manner before coming back up to her face to kiss her lips again.

I felt her shaky hands reach down to remove someones underwear though I wasn't sure at first if it was going to be mine or hers. It was hers. I felt her toss the panties across the room and then tug at mine once as a sign for me to remove them. I happily complied. I could feel my sensitive length against her warm, soft thigh and I was having to try very, very, very hard to remain calm.

_Don't do anything yet, ok? _I heard her think to me.

I nodded and kissed her again, but otherwise remained still. Then she did something I didn't expect. She pushed me to flip over where she was on top of me. I took in the sight of her and my jaw dropped a little.

"Alice, I don't know what will happen if I get...carried away." I stated, still worried despite the vision of not hurting her.

"That's why it should be like this." She stated factually. I won't feel trapped and you won't have to worry about hurting me because I'll be the one moving. If you hurt me I can just stop and move off you quickly." I laughed, realizing that she had given this a lot of previous thought.

"Okay, Alice. Do whatever you think is best." I reached back up to caress one of her breasts again. She leaned down and kissed me and then touched me for the first time. A noise escaped my lips and I surprised myself.

Noticing her worried look I stroked the side of her face. "I love you."

She smiled and then took me in, slowly. "I love you too." The whole process was very slow. I was enjoying it more than I ever imagined, and Alice seemed to be enjoying it as well, but with Alice's tiny body at stake I was able to keep firm control over myself and knew there that there was really no risk of me hurting her. Hurting Alice would be like a human resting their hand on a hot oven top- after the first millisecond, your body just reacts and your hand jerks away. I smiled at this new knowledge and asked her if it would be alright if we tried it the traditional way for a moment. She didn't object and I am happy to say that she never seemed to be afraid of me...even with me on top of her like that.

For the next several hours we came together over and over again. I could not seem to get enough of her, but and then, when she was finally worn out, I snuggled up to her on her side and wrapped my arms around her, pulling the covers up around us so she wouldn't get too cold with my cold skin against hers. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep.

**_End of M Content._**

* * *

When Alice finally woke up from her nap it was past lunch time, but I insisted on her eating lunch anyways because she had also missed breakfast. It all made me feel kind of guilty really. She was still so skinny, even with me making sure she ate all the time. She told me once that it was just how all the women in her family were. I got up and made her a sandwich and bought it back to her on a tray along with a glass of lemonade. She ate quicker than usual and then went into the bathroom to clean up as I had done a little earlier. She came back in and got dressed.

The humming had resumed inside her mind and she gave me a curious look. "If you only had one day to do everything that you wanted to do, what would you pick?" She asked.

"I'd spend it with you." I answered automatically.

I couldn't quite understand the expression she held in her eyes when she responded. "Me too." She came over to me and took my hand, leading me out to the car.

"Will you take me out for a drive?" She asked.

I shook my head. It was too sunny, though I would have otherwise. After a morning like I had I would have driven her to China if she asked. She frowned, looking up at the sky as if noticing the sun for the first time.

"Why don't you go practice your dance?" I asked, knowing that she had already missed class that day. "I'll play for you."

She smiled in a way I suspected to be fake and walked inside, changing into her dance uniform and wooden toed shoes. I watched her stretch and then began playing for her as she practiced. We stopped at six for dinner and I decided to put everything in a picnic basket and surprise her. It would be nice to eat outside. I thought about getting blankets and maybe a few candles to go with the food until Alice came running into the room after changing back to her regular clothes.

"What are you doing?" She yelled at me. Alice...had yelled at me. _Huh. _

I gave her an innocent look. "I was just planning a picnic, I thought you would enjoy..." I could tell by her face that this wasn't going well.

The humming in her head had turned into an all out buzzard. I had never felt her try so hard to keep me out of her head before.

"Is everything okay?"

"No, everything is not okay!" She yelled before forcing herself to breathe and calm down. I had never seen this side of her temper before. She started again, more calmly this time. "I'm sorry Edward, I'm just stressed out about the wedding...I'm afraid my dress in going to be too long and I'm going to trip or something tomorrow."

That made no sense to me. Alice was the more graceful person I had ever seen, nothing but extreme illness could make that girl fall.

She tried again. "I just had a vision of us outside and I ruin my dress in the mud. Can I just eat in here? We could set up the picnic on the living room floor."

I nodded and brought everything to set up in the living room, reminding myself once again about her right to privacy and how it would all be over tomorrow.

I left after she was through eating. She walked me to the door and leaned up to kiss me. I noticed that she had tears in her eyes and I thought that she was sad to be separated from me. I asked if she wanted me to stay...I was more than willing- it had been her idea for me to go, but she insisted she was fine and that I had to go.

"I'll always love you." She told me in the doorway as I left.

I kissed her. "I'll always love you too...nothing could ever make me stop loving you, Alice. There is nothing that you could do to make me stop...not even trip over your dress. I'll see you in the church tomorrow. Tell Carlisle to phone me when he gets here so I know everyhting is alright. I don't like leaving you here alone."

Her smile became crooked snd she nodded and said good bye. I looked back and watched her lock the door as I walked away.

_Tomorrow, _I thought, _tomorrow she'll be all mine for good-legally and all. She was already mine in every other sense of the word._


	13. Becoming a monster

It was five o'clock in the morning when I got the call from Carlisle. He had came over to the house on his way home from work like I had asked to check on Alice.

When the phone rang, Esme answered it. I remember that I was polishing my shoes to wear at the ceremony at the kitchen table. At first I didn't think much about it. I didn't realize anything was wrong until I looked over to Esme after her second "Oh, dear." But as soon as I saw her face I knew something was very wrong.

"What's wrong, Esme? Is Alice sick?"

No answer.

"Is she having second thoughts?"

Esme still didn't respond to my questions but instead just continued listening to Carlisle with terror struck into her facial features. If she had human still I imagined that she would have probably fainted by this point. Finally, I couldn't stand waiting anymore and ran out of the house, sprinting over my Alice and I's house as fast as I possibly could by foot-which was faster than I could have driven in the cars of those days anyway. It didn't take me long to get there, I'm sure, but to me it felt like a year. A million terrors filled my mind on the way but none of them even compared to reality of the situation that I found as soon as I ran through the open door back to our bedroom.

Alice wasn't there. It was just Carlisle standing inside the room with his back to me. He had one hand on the dresser next to Alice's jewelry box. Blood was splattered all over it. I stared at the little porcelain ballerina that was now covered in bloody spots. It only took one sniff to know beyond question that the blood had to be Alice's. My mind shut down for a moment. Carlisle turned around and studied my expression carefully, as if trying to measure what I was going to do. But I was completely frozen and unable to do anything. It was as if my brain refused to comprehend it and would rather be a statue forever instead.

_My Alice was gone_…my brain slowly realized…_and someone had hurt her. _

I looked around at the rest of the room as Carlisle spoke to me.

"I already searched the house and yard…" I didn't get anything he said after that as I realized exactly how much blood was everywhere. The room was painted in it. There was no way anyone could survive losing that much blood, I realized as I saw everything. One of the night stands were knocked over and a lamp was shattered at the floor of the door as you entered the room. _Someone had killed my Alice. And she had put up one hell of a fight. _Carlisle approached me, still very carefully watching my reactions as if he expected me to become violent.

"We should search the woods and the rest of the town. Whoever did this had to leave her…body…somewhere. Esme's on her way. I asked her to check the woods south of the town, you should check the north. I'll search the town." I could tell Carlisle was just giving me the northern woods because it was the farthest away from any people. He knew better than to put anyone capable of being killed in my sight for the moment.

Four days later after constant searching- no one had dared to stop- we found nothing. Both Carlisle and I suspected it to be another vampire, even though we were at a loss for why they would leave so much blood instead of drink it all. There was no evidence to be found of who attacked her or why. There were only three things that were obvious: 1) someone had broken into the house (the lock on the door had been broken) and attacked Alice, 2) Alice had fought back- that much was very obvious between the blood smears and knocked over furniture, and 3) she had been dragged out through the back door into the woods. We could tell this from the blood and from the fact that I had found Alice's engagement ring in the dirt as the yard turned to woods. She would have never taken that off willingly.

A week and a half later I still hadn't stopped looking, for even a minute, not even to hunt. I was terrified to stop because I knew that as soon as I did she would really be gone. The whole thing just didn't make sense, why would anyone want to hurt my sweet little Alice? She had never done anything to anyone. She didn't even really know anyone in town except for over at the ballet studio. It made no sense for any human to kill her.

There was just nothing. No evidence. No reason. No answers. It was as if God decided to pluck her from this earth sheerly to punish me. I was so angry with myself. She had been acting so strangely earlier that day...or really for the past several days. She must have known about whatever happened. Why hadn't she come to me about it? Why had she blocked me out? I hated to think about how alone and terrified she must have felt for the days before it happened...knowing what was coming for her.

Esme thought that maybe she hadn't said anything to protect me or them. She said that Alice could have had a vision of what would have happened if she had told us. That did seem like something Alice would do. If she had told us we would have fought to the death defending her. At least I would have. But I couldn't get over how stupid I was for letting it happen just to be courteous to her privacy. To hell with privacy! I should have demanded to know what was going on with her. I should have scared her into telling me if necessary. I should have made her quit all that damn humming in her head.

Esme and Carlisle tried to comfort me, but I would have none of it. I lashed out, blaming both of them though I knew deep down that it was not their fault. But I was in pain and it made me cruel, saying that I wished Carlisle had never brought Esme home. That Esme was the reason Alice was left alone with no protection because of her blood lust, even if she had been a much better newborn than I. I yelled at Carlisle for not checking on her soon enough. Finally, I yelled at Carlisle for refusing to help me end my suffering by tearing me to pieces. They both took it without any response, though I know that I really hurt Esme.

I knew that it was wrong, but I didn't know how to handle it. I lost all patience with the world. Everyone, above all myself, was responsible for my Alice's death. Everyone deserved to suffer…especially me. _What was the point to being good anyways? _Carlisle and his religious talks did me no good anymore because I was now absolutely convinced that he was wrong. There could only be one of two explanations: A) there is no God or B) God doesn't care about us because, as vampires we really are monsters with no souls. The second option made more sense to me, after all, I certainly felt like my soul was missing.

It was two months later when I had made my way up to Chicago, still looking for Alice that I acted like a monster for the first time. I was walking down an alley in a bad section of town when I began to overhear the thoughts of a man who was following a young woman oblivious to his presence. His thoughts about the woman began to disturb me and I found myself trailing him, unable to bring myself to walk away.

It wasn't until I actually heard him anticipate what he was going to do to the woman in his mind that I went into action. Men like him disgusted me and he brought back very unwelcome memories of men like him hurting my Alice back in the mental institution. Anger swept over me as I remembered seeing her nightmares, hearing her desperate cries for help that didn't come for four years. And now she was gone, stolen from me and the anguish I felt over it was enough to make me want to rip the pervert in front of me to pieces.

I didn't really think as I did it, it was as if my anger and my body just sort of took over. I didn't bother to snap the man's neck as I drank from him. I didn't want his suffering to end so quickly. I wanted him to feel pain like I felt, like Alice had felt, like that woman would have felt if I hadn't killed the pervert first. His blood made my eyes turn red like they had been when Carlisle had first changed me. Part of me felt disgusted to even touch the man, part felt good for ridding society of the menace, and part only cared about how human blood tasted so much better than what I was used to. He was the first human that I had ever killed. It was while I was disposing his body underneath a tree that I simply ripped up and then placed back down over him that I realized why I could not find Alice. There were a million options for deposing bodies anywhere; it was just too easy with our kind of strength. So I would probably never find her. I walked around wondering what I should do.

I finally decided that if I was meant to be a monster, fine, I would be a monster. But I would never kill an innocent person...a peson that could mean to someone else what Alice had meant to me. No, I would spend my time killoing only other monsters. Sick people that I thought of as more monster than myself. After that it became my personal crusade to kill any man that that I knew had hurt women like Alice had been hurt. Deep down, I think I knew it was wrong, but I convinced myself that I was saving many more lives than I was taking. Mathematically I'm sure I was right about that part but still…

I wandered the continent for about eight years before I found myself in Biloxi. I had been trying to avoid going back there and it was really quite literally the last place on the continent I scoured. This was the site where I committed my worst atrocities- although I still have trouble regretting most of them. I hung around the asylum twenty four seven, listening in on every worker's thoughts. I very slowly killed most of the workers there. I had already killed countless numbers of people before I came there, but my feelings in doing so came nowhere near the hatred I felt for the people of Biloxi. Nearly all of the asylum workers were corrupt. When I ran out of the ones still working there I decided to go through the files and look up any that had left or retired…including the two that I had caught with Alice the day I broke her out of the asylum. Apparently they had both quit the next day after my little scare. By that next night I had also found and killed them both. Only one former employee that I suspected got away... he must have moved because I could track him down, but he had also quit not long after I took Alice. There were so many disappearances around the place that the city actually closed the mental institution. By this point I had truly become a monster.


	14. waking up

_Winter, 1930_

I went to Alice's old family home to kill them all. It was something that had been eating at me for a long time by then… to set my eyes on the heartless people who sentenced Alice to that hell of an asylum. They killed her just as much as I did. She would have died even sooner if I had left her there...sick and mistreated and starving.

It was a rainy day and my feet made mud prints as I slugged along on the dirt road to their house. The farm she had grown up on was very small…maybe fifteen acres. The house looked run down. I could see that they weren't the most well off people around.

I went around to the window and looked in like a peeping tom. What I saw surprised me. I had been expecting to find Alice's heartless parents, but instead I only saw a young couple. The man was tall and strapping and unmistakably Irish with fiery red hair and a moustache. But the young woman, who was clearly with child, was tiny. I would have thought Alice's family had moved away and a new family in…if the woman didn't look nearly identical to Alice. She had the exact same grey/blue eyes and ebony hair, only hers was long and pinned up in a conservative way. I felt a twinge of pain float through me at the sight and suddenly my lust for blood disappeared and my stomach dropped.

Finally, I knocked on the door on impulse. The man answered.

"Hello, can I help you, sir?" He asked cheerfully with a thick Irish accent.

"Um…" I panicked. Why hadn't I thought of what I was going to say before I knocked?! "I was just wondering if this is the residence of Mary Alice Brandon's family?

He gave me a quizzical look that was laced with worry. _If the lad is here about Cindy's sister, she'll be upset for weeks…._He mind turned, wondering if he should lie to me or not. Finally he decided to tell the truth.

This threw me back a little. I remembered Alice speaking very fondly of her sister, but I hadn't given much thought to whether Cynthia would have missed Alice as much. I couldn't decide if it made me feel better or worse…after all, it was my fault that she was dead.

"Um, yes sir, come in."

I stepped through the door and thanked him. Cynthia walked into the room at the same time I did. Her belly was huge- but that was the only part of her that wasn't tiny. She looked just as Alice might have if she'd ever been given the chance to have children. I gulped and tried not to think about it.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch your name, lad." The man inquired.

"Edward." I replied. "Edward Mason." I looked about the room to find it clean, but rather bare.

"Ah, well, I'm Shannon and this is my wife, Cindy. It's her sister you're inquiring about, yes?"

I nodded and saw Cindy's eyes all but burst into tears at just the mention. "You knew my sister?" She asked, walking towards me swiftly with hope in her voice.

I knew I had to lie. "No, ma'am. I actually came by to talk to you about her, though. Is there anything you can tell me about her?"

"She died twelve years ago. My parents took her to a hospital because they said she had a cold…but I knew something was wrong." She sat down while talking on the couch, motioning for me to also sit. I complied. "She died the next day after we left her. She was only fourteen."

I didn't know what to say to that. I scanned her thoughts, over and over, remaining quiet longer than would be customary and was sure that I must seem odd to them, but I had to know whether or not she really thought that was the truth. She really believed it.

Finally, deciding to fill the awkward silence, she spoke again. "We buried her in the cemetery across town."

Shannon walked up behind his wife, placing a supportive hand on her shoulder as it was obvious this conversation was upsetting her. "She goes up there every month to tend to the grave sight." He quietly told me. "What is it that you're after, sir? I'm afraid my wife isn't in any condition to-"

I quickly nodded, agreeing with him that I didn't want to upset the woman. "I'm here on behalf of the hospital your sister was at." I lied. "They recently closed it due to evidence of patient maltreatment. Since your sister was a patient, she is entitled to compensation. Now, our records show that she listed you as her closest kin?"

By this point her sister was sobbing. It was strange since I came here to kill her parents, but I felt like an ass for upsetting the poor woman. "Yes, um, yes sir. My sister and I were very close even though our parents thought-" She weighed in her mind how to describe her insane sister to me and what her parents had thought of it, deciding to just leave that out of the conversation. "Well, Alice was a good person. It didn't matter what anyone said about her. She was the best sister anyone could ask for."

"Where are her parents, if you don't mind me asking?" I knew I had already upset the woman too much, but I could help it. Curiosity was eating at me.

Cindy just looked down at the floor. I could tell I had pushed much too far at this point.

"Sir, my wife is really-" but Cindy interrupted him, speaking bluntly.

"My dad shot himself in the head the day after my sister's funeral and mother went off and married some man a few months later." She looked down at the floor again. "I was twelve when she left. My aunt raised me. I don't know where she is and I don't care to know." She crossed her arms into herself and I could tell that her husband had every intention of immediately throwing me out. I honestly couldn't blame him because I would have done the same in his place. I stood up and spoke quickly before he had the chance.

"That's really too bad. Well," I pulled out my checkbook and pen and scribbled quickly. "Here's the check. As Alice's closest kin, it belongs to you." I handed the check to Shannan, as Cindy still had her hands wrapped up at her belly…like Alice used to whenever she got very upset.

I turned to leave and wanted to get out quickly but Shannon caught me before I had the chance. "Wait, lad, you've made a mistake." I knew, of course that he was referring to the number of zeros on the check amount. I had written it for fifty thousand. Back then, especially after the stock market crash the year before, it may as well have been a million.

I knew how much Alice had loved her little sister. Now that I was sure Cindy had loved Alice too, I wanted to give them something. They were obviously poor and about to have a baby…a baby that would have been Alice's niece. This was the only thing left that I could do for my Alice. That money would ensure Alice's sister and niece or nephew were well cared for.

But Shannon thought that I had meant to put five hundred, or even only fifty. He tried to hand the check back to me and I wouldn't take it, only shaking my head.

"No sir, there's no mistake. That money is yours free and clear." I looked past him to speak directly to Cindy. "Just think of it as a gift from Alice." I quickly walked out the door and left. I had a lot to think about and began to walk in the direction of the cemetery Cindy had talked about.

Her grave was there, near the middle next to her father's and I could tell that Shannon wasn't lying about Cindy visiting so often. The grave site was well kept compared to the rest around it. The grass was kept cut, weeds pulled, and a lovely white rose vine grew over the tombstone. I had to move the leaves to see the engraving.

_Mary Alice Brandon_

_March 27th, 1901- May 12__th__, 1915_

There was no inscription below it or anything. Just her name, birth date and false death date. But seeing it still lifted an odd weight from my shoulders. I couldn't fathom her parents' behavior, but seeing her sister and how much she had loved Alice…how much she still cared for her in the one way she could with the grave…it brought back emotions that had been lost in me for years. There were good people in the world and it felt good to have helped her little family. I felt responsibility for the child Cynthia carried and made a silent vow to look in on him or her throughout their life. It felt as if I had just woken up. Silently, I walked to the train station to finally go home.

By that time, of course, Carlisle and Esme had been married and moved. I didn't even go to their wedding. There was a lot of emotions in the last eight years that I had forgotten and I had neglected to keep any kind of steady contact with my "parents". Of course, they weren't in Ashland, but Alice and I's house still was and everything was left inside just the way I had left it…save for the piano Alice bought and the dried blood. Somehow, Carlisle or Esme had managed to remove all of it. I walked through the empty dust filled home in a daze. Esme left a note on the counter with their new address in case I wanted to find them.

It felt creepy to be back there where Alice had been killed after so long.

I went straight back to our old bedroom and began packing the few things I wanted to keep. Opening my suitcase, I packed all of the pictures of Alice and me inside, along with her jewelry box that still had a few dried up crimson stains on the little porcelain ballerina figure. While I was rooting through the closet checking for anything else I might want, I came across the bag Alice brought home with her wedding dress. That was when I broke down. It is an unsettling feeling, to cry, when you can't produce tears. It didn't satisfy the need to get anything out. Slowly and very carefully, I removed the bag. The dress was there, and it looked just like something Alice would have picked- fashion forward and all. She would have been beautiful in it.

I could just picture what my beautiful, sweet Alice would have looked like walking down the aisle toward me in this with her infectious smile. But there was something odd on this dress, a note was pinned at the bottom, inconspicuously. I picked it up to read.

_Edward, please don't be mad at me. He would have killed you too if I told. I love you. _

_~Your wife,_

_Alice_

I shook my head at the note. _Damn you, Alice. You should have told me. I wish that I had died with you. _I never could be mad at her, but this was the one thing she ever did I really regretted. I finished packing quickly and left, taking the deed to the house and leaving it at Cecilia's studio. I attacked a note saying that Alice left it to her in her will. I wasn't sure what she would use it for, but she was the only one I knew to give it to and I didn't want to stay around long enough to sell it.

I had to go to Carlisle and Esme. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to them after all this time, or if I would even be welcomed back, but I had to try.


	15. Waste

_Author's note: parts of this chapter contains actual lines from the book. No copyright infringement is intended. _

It was New Year 's Day when I arrived at Carlisle and Esme's new address in Rochester, New York. I was nervous. It wasn't out of fear for what they would do to me, but shame for how I had treated them. The last time I saw either of them was three weeks after Alice had disappeared and I had been nothing but rude and hurtful. I was afraid that Carlisle would never look at me the same way…that I had permanently hurt Esme's feelings toward me.

But less than a minute after I knocked on their door Esme was hugging and fretting over me as if I were a small child she had lost in a crowd somewhere and just found…doing what would have been crying and then fussing at me for scaring her and then repeating the process. I began to wonder if she would simply continue to hug me and cry for the next year, but finally she let go and stepped back to take a good look at me with a smile creeping onto her face.

"We had the piano placed in the living room, we've even kept it tuned for you and we made a room for you upstairs." She was bubbling over with excitement. I could hear in her mind how she had decorated my bedroom herself with colors she thought I would like and shelves for the books that they had bought me in my absence. This was the second place they had moved to since I left (Esme had a slip up after the first move, tallying her up to drinking three humans in total) and the other house had a room for me too. It was as if they had been expecting me to show up any day all along. I smiled and thanked her, moving to Carlisle.

Carlisle gave me more space, but patted me on the shoulder. "Welcome back son, we missed you."

Neither one of them said anything about my red eyes, they just welcomed me back with open arms like the prodigal son that I apparently was. Neither one asked where I had been either, but I assumed they could tell after one look at me and my eyes. I never drank human blood again.

It was hard to fall into a rhythm when I first came back. Being around them made it even more difficult to live without Alice. I knew that moving on with them was necessary and that Alice would have been angry at me if she had known what I had done for the past eight years. I wanted to live the right way for her…but trying to actually live was very difficult. Before I hadn't needed to think; I had just lost myself because just walking around without her existing anymore was hard enough. Trying to find myself now…it was nearly impossible.

Depression overtook me. It didn't help seeing Carlisle and Esme together either…or hearing them together at night. They tried to be discrete, and I was thankful to them for that, but between vampire hearing and my extra abilities with mind reading that just didn't help much. I still knew everything they did as well as they did. It was pretty disgusting…that isn't something anyone wants to know about their parents.

Eventually, however, I adjusted. I took to playing the piano Alice bought me every night again…this time mostly composing my own music, to help block out Esme and Carlisle's bonding activities. I bought my first car. I even enrolled in the local high school at Esme's suggestion since I never had the opportunity to graduate as a human. We told everyone that I was her younger brother that came to live with them because our father died. It seemed to be believable enough. It explained why they looked at me with such sorrow in their eyes and why I never seemed very happy.

But I drudged through school everyday anyways…pretending to be a sophomore. It is an interesting thing, going to high school when you can read minds. Every day I had to go and listen to all of it, the gossip the rumors, who had made up the rumors and why, who had crushes on who… I imagined that if God ever sent me to hell, it would be very similar. The worst part was knowing that half of the girls around secretly wanted me. They fantasized that I would come calling on them and ask their father if I could sweep them away to some exotic place.

All I could do was shake my head at it and try to keep to myself. I knew what drew them to me- my face, smell, everything that made me vampire, and it made me yearn for someone real to talk to. I missed Alice. I missed her companionship and how she loved me just because I was myself. There wasn't a single girl in the entire school that could halfway compare to her, though there was one that thought herself superior to everyone. Her name was Rosalie Hale. She was sixteen, beautiful, and the most stuck up, shallow girl I had ever come across.

For a while, she fantasized about me too, until I didn't show any interest back. Of course, she never said anything to anyone…she acted as if she were disgusted at the thought of me because I was too far beneath her. But secretly it drove her nuts that I didn't fawn over her like all the other guys in school. I just did my best to ignore her and went about my business and soon enough she forgot all about me when, shortly after graduation, she became engaged to a man named Royce King.

He was the son of a prominent banker that owned half of the town and I could see that she was very pleased with herself about the situation, though it was obvious the couple of times I was around both that neither really loved each other. I didn't like Royce, he was so spoiled and stuck on himself that he had no concept about the needs of other people…but Rosalie was so shallow that I really kind of figured they deserved each other. _I feel very badly about that now, of course. _

The night in late April when Carlisle brought her home my first reaction was rage at Carlisle for sentencing me to everlasting annoyance. I didn't want to put up with her or her thoughts at school let alone in my home for eternity. He had bitten her as I came from my room upstairs to see what was going on. Before that he had been working furiously to save her, but her body was a mess. She was bleeding out from places I tried not to look at and her face seemed swollen from being hit.

"What were you thinking, Carlisle? Rosalie Hale?" I let out a breath as he bit her again at the wrists and ankles to make the process faster.

Carlisle turned to me with a look on his face that was half way between apologetic and agony. "I couldn't just let her die. It was too much- too horrible, too much waste." I watched in horror as he thought back through the last fifteen minutes or so since he found her…lying on the street in the snow with her clothes ripped, practically naked, bleeding…

"I know." I said softly, trying not to think about it and wishing Carlisle hadn't come across her at all. I couldn't deal with something like this right now. I couldn't deal with something like this ever, not after Alice. Why did he have to bring home a girl that died like that? Didn't he think I had been tortured enough? I had spent the last eight years killing scumbags like Royce and now what was I supposed to do? I just stared at him incredulously.

Carlisle begged my forgiveness in his eyes. "It was too much waste. I couldn't leave her." He whispered. That was when the horrifying realization hit me: he had changed her for me. She was to be my companion. At that moment I wished I still had the ability to throw up.

I heard Esme reassure him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder and saying "Of course you couldn't."

"People die all the time." I heard myself say in a harsher voice than necessary. "Don't you think she's just a little recognizable, though? The Kings will have put up a huge search- not that anyone suspects the fiend." I tried very hard to keep a handle on myself as I wanted nothing more at the moment than to go kill him.

"What are we going to do with her?" I asked, making it very clear in my tone that I didn't want her.

Carlisle sighed, obviously disappointed that I wouldn't even give her a chance. "That's up to her, of course. She may want to go her own way."

Rosalie began to scream from where she lay on the couch and Carlisle held her hand, telling her that he was sorry and that it would all be over soon. Esme sat down beside him and rubbed his knee. I stormed out and went hunting in the woods. I didn't return until four days later and, by that time, the transformation was over with and Carlisle had already explained everything to her. I rolled my eyes at her as I walked into the room where she sat and stared at herself in the mirror, smiling at her own unbelievable beauty.

It was true that she was probably that most beautiful creature on earth…but it didn't go far in endearing her to me. I was very unhappy with Carlisle for doing this to me. He knew that I wouldn't be able to hate her completely…not after what had happened to her. But for him to even think that anyone could ever replace Alice to me was blasphemy. So what if I wanted to mope and mourn for her for the rest of eternity? It was my choice and my right. Anyone who ever loved anyone the way I did Alice and then lost them like that would do the same…there isn't anything else to do. And he brings in this shallow stuck up model and just expects me to forget Alice and fall in love with her?

Rosalie stared at my reflection behind hers in the mirror carefully, as if measuring what I was going to do. I could hear in her thoughts that she was afraid of me. I laughed silently as I realized that she didn't know she could break me in two with her newborn strength if she wanted to…I decided not to mention that to her. It did hurt a little to feel the fear and emotional pain she was in at her loss and what had happened to her. I didn't like Rosalie Hale, but no girl deserves that.

"Get out of my room."

"Happily." I replied, turning to leave. I stopped halfway out of the door, after hearing her thoughts. I was surprised that she had caught on this quickly that she had been changed for me. She was horrified that I would expect her to…do things. She didn't want anyone touching her like that after what happened. But her worry disgusted me just as much as it did her, if not more so. I didn't want her to fear me like that. She was reminding me how Alice had acted when I had first brought her out of the asylum. "Don't worry; I have no interest in you."

She jerked around from where she sat, obviously furious. "Excuse me?" She looked as if she wanted to break me into two and I tried not to laugh at the realistic possibility. Maybe Carlisle bringing her here was a good idea after all.

"I have no interest in you the way Carlisle does Esme, so don't worry."

"Are you gay?" She asked me seriously in a low voice.

I shook my head uncomfortably. That was the first time anyone had ever thought that of me, but not the last after my years of disinterest in women. "Why would you think that?"

Her eyes grew wide. _What do you mean why would I think that? Look at me! I'm beautiful, how could you not be attracted to me? Are you blind, you idiot?_

I laughed without humor. "My vision is as perfect as yours."

"What- how did you…?" She looked dumb stricken and this time I laughed at her for real.

"Carlisle didn't tell you? I read minds."

She turned up her nose. "When will I be able to do that?"

"You can't, princess. That's just a little talent of mine. I guess you'll just have to settle for being beautiful."

_Ha! So I am beautiful. Well, then, as long as you admit it. _

Just rolled my eyes and walked out the door. That was the beginning of Rosalie and I's…interesting little relationship. We might not have been biological siblings, but we certainly fought like we were.


	16. not a word

I didn't say a word when she killed Royce and his friends. I knew she was planning to do it in advance, of course. She had every overly done theatrical detail planned out. She would start with his friends, let him hear about it, know what was coming for him, and then pounce. Carlisle and Esme wouldn't approve, of course, and neither should I really, but how could I say or do anything after the way I had just spent eight years of my life? After I had seen Carlisle and Rosalie's memories…though I tried to avoid it at all costs. It reminded me of what Alice had gone through too much. No, I couldn't blame her. The monster inside of me wanted to do it myself and it wasn't as if they all didn't deserve it.

So I let her. And, even worse, I watched her relive the memories of murdering each one so that I could secretly relish in the satisfaction with her. I knew it wouldn't erase her hurt…or fix her personality problems I was now sentenced to put up with for eternity, but it might help her to feel some relief. As for me, I would know that the scumbags were at least dead so they could never repeat their actions.

Sometimes it amazed me how many sick people there were in the country. I had killed so many…countless numbers and yet there was still more hurting girls right under my nose. It was a hard thing to accept that it would always be this way.

So when she came in the night after she had slaughtered Royce still in her pristine stolen wedding gown without a hair out of place I didn't pay much attention. I knew it was done and that was all cared about. I continued on with my reading on the couch in my room.

She stood in the doorway staring at me. I knew she thought it was strange, and a bit suspicious, that I hadn't said anything or told on her to Carlisle. She knew that I must have known the moment she came up with the plan weeks ago. Slowly, she walked inside the room until she was standing only about two feet away and staring at me.

She looked like a princess out of the pages of a fairy tale book. But it wasn't like Carlisle and Esme still held hopes for- it was more like looking at a younger and very annoying sister. The beauty was still obvious, but there was absolutely no attraction in between us. I'd no sooner want to kiss her than I would Esme, and the thought made me a little nauseous- though I wasn't sure how that was really possible.

"Feeling better now?" I asked, feeling her stare intensify.

"Why didn't you tell on me?" There was accusation in her voice, as if I were the one that had done something. Her voice lowered. "You know what I've been doing."

I just shrugged. "I'm sure they'll figure it out." My tone made it clear that I wasn't concerned about it. If they had welcomed me back into their home after all I have done, there was no way they would be angry with Rosalie.

_But why did you just let me do it? I know you don't approve of killing humans or you'd drink from them. Do you really just not care what I do or…why didn't you tell on me?_

I still didn't look up. "It's done now."

She snatched the book away from me with her greater strength and I rolled my eyes at her overly dramatic ways. I looked up at her. "I thought they deserved what was coming to them."

She let out a breath as she realized I wasn't holding it for blackmail and began to turn around to walk out the door when I added "I've done a lot worse…you were just saving me the trouble."

"What?"

I motioned for her to sit on the couch next to me but she remained standing, staring at me.

Knowing that she heard me perfectly I didn't bother to repeat myself.

"Carlisle is the only saint here. Esme's made a couple of mistakes when she was a newborn and I went on an eight year killing spree right before I moved here."

I could see that I actually surprised her. She had thought that what she had done was worse than any one else's mess ups. She handed the book back. "You….why?"

I finally gave up on reading altogether and put it down. She still remained standing, though I motioned again for her to sit. I smiled sadly.

"You, know, you're incredibly annoying. But you're not as alone as you think you are. I do have some idea how you feel."

I could tell I had unintentionally hit a nerve. "Oh, just because you read minds you know how I feel? Have you ever been raped Edward? I had everything taken away! Those…they…UGH!" By this point she was near yelling at me.

I remained sitting calmly, shaking my head. "No, obviously I haven't. But I do understand your pain."

"No you don't! How dare you? How could you possibly understand what I've been through?"

I had to raise me voice just slightly to even get her attention she was so livid at this point. "Because my wife went through the same thing- except over and over for years. And I had to see it every time she remembered, every time they did it in her nightmares. I used to have to wake her up and hold her for hours because she couldn't stop crying. There were times she was terrified to even let me touch her. Over and over I saw it in her mind until…" I stopped, unable to continue with it all because it hurt too much to think of her when she was happy let alone when she was like that.

Rosalie had calmed down, listening to me and I noticed that her thoughts and expression veered from anger to curiosity. She finally sat down on the couch beside me.

"You're married?!"

I nodded and she stared at me incredulously.

"What happened to her? Where is she?" I could hear her piecing it together in her mind, suddenly understanding why I had no interest in her beauty.

I looked straight at her. "She was murdered."

"Oh, I'm…sorry. When?"

"About ten years ago. I don't know why or who did it or anything. It just…happened. Her name was Alice."

Rosalie stared at me, with something between pity and jealousy in her eyes. She was suddenly upset that I'd had someone I truly loved and she didn't. She felt cheated and even more alone. Then a realization hit her.

"Wait…she was human?" _Obviously, if she was murdered…can our kind even die?_

I nodded in response to both questions.

"Why didn't you change her?"

"Despite what you may think, Rosalie, we don't just go around turning people. Esme and I have never changed anybody and you're only Carlisle's third one in two hundred years. He would never have done that if you weren't dying."

"But if you were married…what were you going to do when she grew old? Did she grow old?" I could tell she was repulsed by the idea of me and some old ugly grandmother like woman kissing. I wished she could understand about unconditional love that wasn't based on looks, but I knew it would go right over her head.

"I would have loved her, just the same as when she was young. She was only a year older than yourself when she died." I felt myself begin to forget she was there and only think of Alice. "She was so beautiful and sweet. I loved her so much-" I felt myself being interrupted.

"So what was I supposed to be, a replacement?" She began to fume again. I half wondered whether she was capable of thinking about anything other than herself for more than a millisecond. There was a word for people like her…I had read it in one of Carlisle's psychology books: _narcissistic_.

"I don't know what Carlisle was thinking. Trust me, I had nothing to do with it."

She stood up in a huff and quickly slapped me across the face before storming out of the room. She was so worried that she would never have anyone...that we were just stuck together and I didn't even grovel at her like any sane man would have done. That worry turned out to be unnecessary, however, when she found Emmett two years later and brought him to Carlisle after a run in with a grizzly.

The two of us were on a hunting trip out in the Tennessee mountains when she found him. We had separated and I ended up searching for her for four days before going home without her. When I arrived I found that I had a new brother. The whole matter actually gave me a new respect for Rosalie on one hand…and on the other it just reinforced exactly how selfish and self centered she was.

I found out from talk and seeing it replayed in both Rosalie and Emmett's minds that Rosalie had apparently found him after a run in with a grizzly bear. She had carried him covered in blood (and she hadn't fed) over a hundred miles to Carlisle to save him. That kind of restraint, compassion, and dedication really improved my opinion of her. But the fact that she had him changed when she seemed so sour about her fate soured it again… though I still thought more of her than I had previously. She'd had to beg Carlisle to change him (he didn't want to after the fit she had thrown and is still throwing about how she wished he hadn't).

Of course, Carlisle finally gave into her and did it. He reasoned that he couldn't sentence her to eternity alone after making her so unhappy. Emmett and I bonded as brothers immediately and I found that I was thankful to Rose for adding him to the family as he could always bring out my playful side. He slid into his new life with no objections- however we did have to move many times in the following years as his restraint wasn't as good as the rest of the family's. The little family that was once composed of only Carlisle and me had really grown in the past twenty or so years.

It wasn't long before it was obvious that (as luck or God would have it) Rosalie happened to save the one person who was perfect for her in this world. Not only did he see her as a beautiful angel when she had saved him, he actually didn't mind her self centered shallowness! He was such a- physical- man that she worked perfectly for him and he worshipped the ground she stood on. Not quite a six months later they were married (for the first time out of- I've lost count).

The wedding was huge, lavish, showy, and paid for by Carlisle and myself as neither of them had any income. Neither of us minded at all, we were just happy that Emmett made Rosalie so happy and, therefore, gave us a break from all the complaining. The whole town showed up and Rosalie arranged for everything to be just so- the wedding she had always dreamed of. Carlisle walked her down the aisle like a good adopted father and I stood as Emmett's best man. Rosalie lit up and never quit smiling…she loved that no one could take their eyes off from her.

There were only two downsides to the deal that we found later: 1) Rosalie was still semi unhappy because she could never have the babies she wanted. 2) Her and Emmett were the loudest, most destructive pair me- or my parents- have ever heard in the bedroom. No amount to piano playing could drown it out it seemed. Carlisle bought them a house- well two houses really- they tore the first one up with the antics- literally. The neighbors would call and complain. It took them fifteen years calm down enough (though they are still loud and rough) to move back in with us again. So to sum it up, everything was great and everyone was happy…except for me.

And then I saw her again.


	17. You're going to love me

_Author's note: vacation, school…other stuff…I know it's taken me forever to update. I'm sorry for the delay…now here is a warning…these last few chapters and this one kind of follow along with the book…maybe they are even predictable, but that will change within the next several chapters…so just hang with me, because all this is necessary in the long run._

I had been spending the sunny morning wrestling with Emmett outside in our forest surrounded backyard before it happened. Our fights were always interesting considering his overwhelming power and my talent of reading his moves. It was very rare that either of us won, but occasionally someone did and- much to Emmett's dismay- it was usually me. He kept saying how he wished someone were around to take me on that I couldn't cheat with- someone that would know my moves right back. He fought like a bear.

"You're cheating!" He accused, insisting I turn off the mind reading thing only to hear the same response I always gave him.

"I can't"

Still, anytime I won he insisted on a rematch, so we had been out there for a few hours…and both of us had been giving it our all…so we were covered in mud and ripped clothing when they came.

Her face held the same sweetness as it had before, though a few of her features had changed a little in becoming a vampire. She smelled exactly the same as the last time I hugged her…not the blood, of course, that was forever gone- much to my relief. But the general smell of Alice was still there…mixed in with all the other vampire smells. It was like seeing an angel in the flesh. Her green eyes, now red, had changed their color but not beauty or sense of wonder. Her skin had had changed little, considering how pale she had been to begin with. Every move she made seemed like a dance- only less ordinary. No other creature on earth could come to replicating it.

All the pictures I had kept guarded of her through the years hadn't come close to doing her justice. I had already known that, of course, when I got them developed the first time back in 1921, but I had looked at each of them several times every day since then- having to make many new copies and reprints over the years to keep them from wearing away completely. Now the difference just seemed criminal and I wondered to myself what I was thinking to assume that some stupid camera could possibly replicate something as beyond beautiful as my Alice.

Rosalie took a dislike to her immediately- as she did to just about anything new that hadn't been her decision. She inspected her from head to foot…checking to make absolutely sure that she was still by far the prettiest. After a few seconds looking at the girl's dark cropped hair, tiny size, and more angular features she grinned widely- deciding she had had nothing to worry about…that Alice could not compare to herself in anyway. In my mind, I begged to differ on that judgment.

I wasn't an idiot. I didn't run up and scoop her into my arms, covering every inch of her face with kisses and swearing I would never let her out of my sight again. I had known instantly that she had absolutely no idea who any of us were- not even her sort of or, at least, would-have-been-husband. Still, the first feeling that came in waves throughout my body was the simple fact that she was alive- in a way. I had thought that I would never see her again- even my initial searching had been only for her body because there was so much blood. I always felt that I had been robbed of so much in never finding it so that I could have some closure, so that I could at least gaze at her features one last time, so that I could give be a proper burial. But now that I understood why there was no body I instantly begun apologizing to God in my head and thanking him over and over for his mercy.

All I wanted was to touch her. But I saw the man standing behind her, hanging in the doorway reluctantly and I understood that whatever Alice had been doing in the last thirty years did not involve waiting for me. I simply refused to process what they were to each other and focused only on the fact that my beloved Alice was here and that I could stand here and look at her all I wanted.

Carlisle and Esme kept glancing over at me as they welcomed the pair inside- just perplexed as I was. Alice laughed as she sat down and I thought once again about how the sound was like bells ringing. Jasper must have picked up on how I was looking at Alice, because he remained silent, but placed an arm around her and shot me a look that very clearly meant _stay away, she's mine. _I did stay away. In fact, I never approached or even said a word the entire first day they were there, but I did not- could not- ever take my eyes off her either.

I explained it later to Jasper when Alice was off hunting with Rosalie and Emmett, and I had Carlisle and Esme there to give witness that I wasn't lying. He didn't take it well, unsurprisingly, but he didn't attack me either…which did surprise me. He wanted to leave immediately after he found out but there was no way in hell that I was going to allow anyone to take her away from me again, so we struck a compromise: As long as Alice was happy with him I wouldn't intrude. As long as she didn't remember the past on her own I would say nothing, nor would I ever make any advances on her. But in return Jasper had to allow her to stay with us for as long as she wanted to- he could never even suggest they leave. He also could never use his little talents on her to alter her feelings for either one of us- if he did I would know and I would show her the photographs and tell her everything. If she ever remembered we would leave the choice up to her and respect it.

Emmett and Rosalie were clueless. Alice was a common name and Rosalie never thought twice about the coincidence…a relief to me as I wasn't sure I could trust her with such a secret.

It disgusted me and broke my heart to even watch Jasper look at her, but who was I to intrude on my Alice's happiness? All I ever wanted was for her to be happy…I just never imagined that her happiness would be with another man. It might kill me- being around the two of them when they were so obviously in love, but Alice was alive and happy and I could watch her be happy everyday without the burden of so many bad memories on her shoulders. Just having her around, getting to look at her, watch out for her, maybe spoil her on occasion- even if it wasn't as a lover- was still more than I ever thought that I would have again.

The first night she was there I sat alone playing a sad melody on my ancient piano. It constantly needed repairs- but what could I expect? Alice had bought it second hand for me back in nineteen twenty one and it was probably already forty years old at that point. Now it was nearing ninety. How many more worn out parts could I replace before it wasn't even Alice's piano anymore? She seemed more ghost than vampire as she glided down the stairs so gracefully it seemed more like floating to me. She no longer wore her sweet little white ankle length night gowns…she had no need for them anymore. Instead she just a dress. Designer and fashion forward as always…I couldn't help but let out a relieved chuckle at the fact that at least a few things about her would never change.

"You sound so sad." She stated, eyes observant and somber. It seemed unusual; she had always been so chipper. It was already very obvious to me that she played the lighter role in her and Jasper's relationship.

I didn't respond to the comment but instead asked her where her…Jasper was.

"He's hunting. Carlisle said he'd go with him the first time….he isn't quite convinced about the whole animal only diet thing yet." She laughed and sat down on the old bench next to me, gazing thoughtfully at the piano in front of us.

"You should think about getting a grand next time. I like the black ones, much more elegant than this thing. It looks so decrepit." Her tone made her opinion of the old falling apart piano even clearer than her words.

My hands instantly went to touch the piano protectively. I wanted to cry. I wanted go tear something apart…anything…except the piano in front of me. Did God just enjoy toying with me…making me miserable in every way possible? Honestly there was only so much a man can take and I could feel myself slipping closer and closer to the brink. I wished I could just shake her memories of us back. How could she forget this? How could she forget me?

"It has sentimental value" I choked out. I searched her face for something, anything to give me some sort of hope. Her mind held no signs of any kind of recognition.

"I'm sorry." She offered, knowing that she had obviously hit a nerve. "I'm just trying to get to know everybody. After all," She said as she stood up from the bench in a chipper voice "_You're going to love me..._I'm going to be your favorite sister." I don't think she could have picked any other words in the English language that would have made me feel worse. I felt that strange nauseous gag reflex again that no longer worked and quickly left the room.

The first few days I was sure she would remember eventually…she just needed the right spark. I am a selfish creature and wasn't above hinting. I hinted a lot. I asked whether she liked ballet. She said that she had never been to one, but she loved the Broadway plays Jasper had taken her to when they passed through New York. I sat down at the piano she had bought me and intentionally hit the wrong keys- playing badly- to see if she would still play or correct me. She clearly had no idea how to play the piano, though I re-taught her a little over the next few decades. I played her old ballet music: nothing.

I always played the piano all night and adopted vigor on it that I had never before known. Thankfully for me, Jasper and her were quiet during their night time activities…but that didn't change the fact that I could still hear she and Jasper's every thought throughout and I needed something to concentrate on so that I wouldn't go insane. Jasper was quite experienced and his thoughts ran dirtier than mine. It bothered me, but I couldn't argue with the fact that he treated her well and did truly love her. She loved him back.

I played my old piano religiously until one night things got a little more rambunctious between them than I was used to and I ended up playing so hard that the poor old piano finally gave way and broke for good. I just sat there and stared at it, finally letting my anguish overcome me. I had nothing left. Every piece of our old life was gone, stolen, and Jasper was reaping all of the benefits. I knew it wasn't really his fault. I certainly couldn't blame him for falling in love with her…who wouldn't? But I finally reached the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I sat there and stared and wished that I could still cry. There was no relief… nothing that anyone could ever do to make my world run right side up again. My wife was happily married to another man and I had just broken her piano because I couldn't block out them having sex right above me. God was punishing me for all the guilty lives I had taken. I was nothing but a demon for him…a demon that needed to be punished.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped around, surprised at being surprised. It didn't happen often. I had been too absorbed in my own anguish to know she was approaching. She was dressed in a short silk robe and walked barefoot. I was astonished that she would actually come out of her room like that for others to see her. Then I chuckled to myself, my Alice never really was the most conservative dresser in town. I could still picture her perfectly in her little flopper clothes that almost always needed to be tailored to be made small enough to fit her. Even now, she was still so little and skinny. I was very glad that she had been changed only after Carlisle and I had a chance to get her to gain the weight we had or she would have forever looked anorexic. It made me happy inside to at least see some of the positive benefits she'd received from being with me still with her...even if it was completely unbeknownst to Alice.

Her hand felt cold now on my shoulder…even for a vampire. She kept her voice low and comforting. "I had a vision that it was about to break but it was too late to doing anything about it. I'm sorry." She looked at the piano in reverence, knowing that, for whatever reason, I was very attached to it.

"It's all broken." I just stated in shock.

She nodded and patted my shoulder like one might do to a crying child. "Can it be fixed?" She asked hopefully in an effort to calm me down.

I shook my head no.

She sat down beside me and for the briefest moment I felt her side touch mine until she settled farther away. "Try to look on the bright side."

"There is no bright side." I took in a gulp of air before I could talk again. "It's gone."

"It can be replaced." She said so low it sounded almost like a whisper. She hugged me and then got up to go back upstairs.

I just shook my head and quickly decided that I needed to get out of the house, so I left to hunt.

Two days later when I finally forced myself to go back home there was a shiny black grand piano sitting in the place of my old broken one.

No one said anything about it.


	18. PART 2 another lifetime

Part Two

Alice

_Author's note: this chapter contains M-rated material. Message me if you cannot or do not want to read it for any reason and I will be happy to send you a K+ rated version of it instead._

_His hands smoothed over my thighs so carefully I could barely feel it…but at the same time it was ice and fire and every other impossible sensation imaginable. He looked worried, though I couldn't tell why as he pressed soft little kisses on my neck, my collarbone, my breasts. I wasn't sure why…it was a very unfamiliar sensation- but I felt like I wasn't getting enough air. He was taking my breath away and I would suffocate if I couldn't get it back…and yet I didn't care. The only things I could focus on were the man making love to me and all unbelievably wonderful sensations that it brought. It wasn't me…it couldn't be my body that I in. It was as if I was dreaming someone else's dream and, in that dream, I was that person. But I had no idea who it was. I gasped for air and the man stopped all the marvelous things he was doing to me and looked up into my eyes as if he could see straight through them. He said something then…and I replied…but I had no idea what either one of us were saying._

_Suddenly, we flipped over, though I wasn't sure why exactly and he spoke again with a small smile as he stoked the side of my face with his cold, gentle hand as if to smooth a crying child. I stared at the man who was taking me over and the claiming the body as his own and I knew that I should feel badly for being stuck in such an intimate dream with him…with Edward...with the man that was supposed to be my new brother. But I was dreaming awake somehow, and in here, this man was certainly not a relative…but a lover, a mate, a lifelong partner. Someone from another lifetime…a secret lifetime that no one but the girl who really owned this body could remember. So this is why Edward is always alone... he must have loved whoever this girl...this human is or was. The way I felt him look and touch this body made me sure of it. Who was the owner of this body...this human girl that Edward loved so much?_

_I couldn't be sure...but soon all thoughts left when I felt him come into me…and I- I felt…I felt virgin and more nervous than I could ever recall being in my entire existence. But that didn't make any sense either because there was no pain of first times as he filled me and we began moving together. There was no pain at all...just a fullness from the small body trying to adjust to him. He was not a small man by any means. My body bent down to his face and kissed him and he tasted strangely familiar, though nothing like anything I could ever remember. He went slow and the strange body I inhabited relaxed and let out a quiet little moan as the man carefully rolled us over and took me in the most traditional way. My back arched and every inch ached for more contact as if even this connection wasn't enough._

_I could feel a build up and surprise overtook me at the sensation- though it didn't seem to be coming from me so much as from the body I was in. It was obviously not used to anything like this. And as we continued moving together and kissing, and spreading our hands over every imaginable inch of the other's body with agonizing slowness I could feel the orgasm overtake the body with such intensity that I wondered briefly if this body was strong enough to handle it or if it would just wilt over and die in ecstasy with me in it. I didn't think that I would be able to bring myself to care if it did in my current state. And when I felt him give in to his body as I had already done to mine we shook together until it was all over…and then not more a moment later he was inside of me again and I began to grow sure that I would die of pleasure long before any of it was over with by a long shot._

"Darlin', Darlin'…are you alright? Hey…come back to me." Jasper's voice echoed from outside of my mind, bringing me back from depths that I had been trapped inside. I opened my opens to find myself staring at the wall in our bedroom with my husband kneeling beside me, his hand on my knee, obviously worried. His concerned face was still beautiful and I stared for a moment at his still crimson colored eyes. Mine had already begun to fade into gold, but he was having a harder time adjusting than I was. Poor Jasper, he already had it so hard and I was inadvertently making him worry more.

I smiled at him reassuringly and tried to put on my usual chipper face. These headaches I had been getting more often since we moved here really worried him…and they seemed to completely immobilize me even though every time I snapped out of them I could never remember a thing. The only thing I felt was the sharp pain from deep inside my head and a dull ache in my chest. I tried not to let on the pain. I was the only vampire I knew of that ever got headaches and I didn't like to see Jasper so worried about me all the time.

"Sorry Jasper…I'm fine." Vampires couldn't get disease or anything, so I was sure I wasn't lying to him. It was probably just a vision or something that I was straining too hard to see. Had I been looking for anything? I couldn't remember, but that didn't matter now. My loving husband was kneeling beside me next to the bed and I was suddenly overtaken with lust…though I couldn't at all put my finger on exactly why. I laughed at myself…as if I needed a reason to want my good looking husband. Maybe he was just using his talent to let me know he wanted me. _Well,_ I smiled and giggled to myself, _I can fix that_….

Jasper seemed so surprised at me when I practically jumped his bones…if wasn't as if I wasn't usually enthusiastic…but right then I felt a deep primal demand that threatened to drive me insane if I allowed it to continue to build. Maybe he was just surprised at the suddenness of it. Regardless, I couldn't remember the last time I felt such desire and ended up ravaging his body like there was no tomorrow…until a vision hit me.

Edward's piano was going to break. I could hear him downstairs playing loudly at that moment and knew that it would happen before I could do anything...it would happen during the song he was playing now. The old thing would give out and he would be heartbroken. I rolled away from Jasper and quickly threw on my short silk robe before hurrying down the stairs. And there he sat with the crumbled piano in front of him just like in my vision. I felt a strange and unfamiliar sadness as I looked at the old and ugly broken down piano. I wasn't sure why it bothered me so much to it like this…but something inside just didn't feel right. My new brother sat in his own little grief stricken world oblivious to my presence and did the closest thing to what we vampires could to crying. I wanted to hug him and tell him that it would be ok, but something told me that whatever pain he was in went far deeper than just that piano and I decided back off because something about the situation felt wrong and even dangerous to me.

So instead, I merely placed a hand on his shoulder and explained about my vision, apologizing for the lack of help I had given and tried to assure him that the piano could be replaced even though I knew that it wasn't really the problem. He left for a few days then and I bought him a new piano…a far better one that was absolutely beautiful with glossy black paint. It was a grand and took up four times the space of the old upright…but the sound quality to it was amazing. I knew that getting it probably wouldn't make him feel any better, but the truth was that I just didn't want him to quit playing. I loved listening to his music and how he played all night long so that the rest of us could go about our activities with a sound barrier to each other…silly as that reason sounds- things could get quite awkward otherwise with our heightened hearing. But he was alone and probably didn't want to hear any of it either. Still, he played beautifully and something about the sound always seemed to relax me.

_Author's note: okay so someone asked if this is the ending to the story and the answer to that is no...not by a long shot actually. Edward's had his chance to tell the story up to now and I think it's only fair to give Alice her turn for a little while...besides, I'm not cruel enough to end it this way with everyone tormented. Everyone will have to just wait to see what happens as the story progresses. If you have any ideas or feed back or critisim don't forget to leave it because it is extremely appreciated. Thank you for reading!_


	19. Things I can't remember

_Late March, 1951_

I had been standing there, trying to cut the too long light pink roses for the centerpiece of Esme's dinner table, listening to Rosalie yelling at me again silently for over ten minutes and finally I'd had enough. I wanted to make her understand and be reasonable.

"But Jasper is getting so much better at this. He hasn't tried to kill-"

Rosalie cut me off. "He better not this time. I am SICK of moving just because he can't control himself! Tell me again why you can't see this coming?" She asked to critically, even accusingly…as if I knew when he would attack someone and just refused to do anything about it or tell anybody.

"It's a little hard, Rosalie. It's not like he makes up his mind ahead of time and plans on losing it. I can't see anything until he decides to do it and-"

"And then it's too late! Did you not hear me, I'm sick of this!"

"He's doing the best he can and so am I." I replied, defensive tone evident in my voice. She acted as if I just didn't care if someone got killed. She might have been in this to look good, to boast of her purity, but I was in because I really, honestly cared about humans. To her and Emmett and even Jasper this might be a test of willpower, but to the rest of us- Carlisle, Esme, Edward, and I it was because of our conscience. Rosalie didn't want to look bad to anyone or disappoint Carlisle, plus, she hated what we are. Emmett just went whatever situation he happened to be in and at the moment it was a vegetarian family. Jasper did it- or at least gave his all- to please me and try to make me happy. But I purposely tracked this family down and signed up for this lifestyle because I wanted to and for no other reason except that. I think that what we are trying to do here is right. Jasper is doing the best that he can- he can't help himself. His life up until now just wasn't as easy…he'll adjust eventually.

Rosalie was about to say something else when Edward came strolling into the living room with us, obviously completely aware of everything that had been said- or even thought. His harsh stare settled on Rosalie.

"What?!" She barked at him.

"That's enough." He lowered his voice to a low growl. "Don't."

By his tone I could tell that he was giving her a clear warning not to say whatever it was she had in her head to say. Rosalie sent a death glare at him and motioned toward me with her hand.

"Why do you always take her side? I'm your sister too, you know, and I have been for a lot longer!"

"I know you are." Edward said, his voice low and steady even though I got the feeling that he was suddenly a bit nervous.

They seemed to be having a stare down. "You know that I'm right!" Rosalie almost yelled, before giving in and storming out of the room, announcing that she was going hunting and taking Emmett with her. I met Edward's eyes for a moment, silently thanking him and was just about to go on with my business of decorating for Esme's tea party when another headache hit me.

_My wrists hurt, there is something cutting into them but I can't get up or move to see. It's isn't me…it's someone else. There is something underneath…cold and hard…like metal. My wrists and ankles are tied down to it with something…I have no idea what. The room is cold and I am freezing. There is something else…something on my head and I can see all these wires and a big old looking machine. The body I am in is shaking and terrified and I can feel the hot tears rolling down her cheeks and neck. But the only thing I can see now…the only thing that the body is looking at, is Edward's eyes. Everything was silent, although it seemed like there should have been noise all around me. The body was staring into those eyes of his with everything it had, focusing on nothing else. I couldn't even see what he was doing, but whoever the body belonged to was relieved. _

_He walked over to me and began what felt like unbuckling whatever was holding my ankles and wrists down, but his eyes never left mine. I felt his hands on my head, taking off sticky feeling things that hurt and rubbing the skin over afterwards to try to soothe it, before I was lifted up into his arms. He carried me away, out of there- wherever that was- and outside and the body still couldn't take its eyes off of his. And there was rain and I felt weightless, and cold, and wet- but the only thing that mattered were the eyes of the white knight of a man carrying me away somewhere. I was free and yet I belonged to him at the same time and I- I wanted- no-no not me, not me… the body wanted nothing except for him. And it knew that it already had him anyways. It was content out in the freezing rain and the world started to blur…_

I could feel the couch. Edward was bent down beside me staring, his expression intense and worried…but different than Jasper's usually was when this happened. Rosalie was there too, rolling her eyes at the scene as Carlisle shined his medical flashlight into my eyes to see how dilated they were. I blinked a couple times and everyone backed off a little.

"Are you okay?" Emmett asked, as I looked around to realize that practically the whole family- with the exception of Esme and Jasper, who were out hunting before the party started- were huddled around me. This was incredibly embarrassing.

I sat up and nodded with a plastered smile on my face. "Yeah, I'm sorry, it was just a little headache."

"Can we get headaches?" I heard Emmett ask Rosalie as if just discovering something he thought he should have already known and felt stupid.

Rosalie shook her head and shot him a look of annoyance. "No, Emmett, some people just don't know how to get attention." He took his hand and led him away out the back door and into the woods.

I was wondering how long I had been this way for everyone to gather up like this. Carlisle seemed to be staring at the back of Edward's head while Edward nodded and continued to watch me. I was practiced enough with having silent conversations with Edward by this point to know that it was what he and Carlisle were currently doing…but as soon as this thought ran through my head Edward abruptly stopped responding to Carlisle. I wished I knew what the two were talking about if it was me.

"I couldn't hear a thing. It's like you weren't there for a few minutes." Edward whispered in response to my mental questioning, his breath quickened and eyes widened with fear.

I stood up and walked a few feet away from them, I wasn't sure why, but for some reason it didn't seem right to have Edward so close. "I'm fine." I said with a smile and comforting voice. I didn't want anyone worrying about me, although my head was pounding and chest constricted and I knew very well that Edward knew this. I could tell that he at least attempted a smile back, although it came out looking more like a grimace. Carlisle just stayed in his original position and continued staring at him as I resumed fixing the table cloth and arranging flowers around the china dishes in the dining room.

It was two days after that incident that Edward insisted on taking me shopping. He said that he needed some new clothes and could use a fashion consultant. I knew that he would ask me weeks ago. It seemed very out of character for Edward to ever let me have control over his wardrobe like that- usually he shied away from my shopping expeditions as Emmett tended to do, but I agreed happily. He knew that I could never pass up a shopping trip- especially when it meant that I could pick out clothes for someone else. I got bored just dressing myself and Jasper all the time.

"So what's the occasion? I don't see a date in your immediate future." I asked teasingly as we drove into New York's trendiest fashion district through the pouring rain.

"Nothing in particular…just wanted to spend the day with my sister and get some new clothes."

We parked the car and walked down the sidewalk towards the first store. On the way to our left there was a small card and gift shop that he walked toward. "It will be Esme's birthday in a month or so, you know." He mentioned, picking up a random card to read from the rack.

I nodded, smiling gleefully. "That's great! I'll throw her a party!" I loved planning events.

"What about your birthday?" He asked in an odd tone that sounded uncomfortable. "When is it, again?"

I looked down at my stylish high heels. "I don't know. I can't remember things from my human life like that. But I guess it doesn't really matter."

"That isn't fair." He stated seriously. His expression seemed nervous. "Why don't we just say that this is your birthday then? March 23rd."

"I don't know….I always imagined that I would have a summer birthday, actually. But okay, sure. Today is now my birthday."

I could hear Edward laughing at me as if something was incredibly funny to him, but whatever it was must have gone right over my head because I had no idea of why he was laughing so hard. He finally managed to choke out an "okay" before buying Esme's card and walking out of the store with me trailing behind him. Seven stores and twenty shopping bags (half of which ended up being for me that Edward insisted on paying for) later we headed back to the house just outside the city. It was when we were about halfway there that Edward suddenly decided to ask me something that I had heard him ask in visions several times. He had always changed his mind at the last second before and I had never mentioned it. It wasn't something that I was really comfortable discussing or thinking about.

"Why is it that you can't remember anything, Alice?" His tone was as serious as I had ever heard him, as if whatever my answer was of pivotal importance.

I answered honestly, while still trying not to think too much about it. The memory was painful for me and somewhat embarrassing and I didn't want him to have to see it all. "All I can remember is a lot of pain and then waking up alone. I didn't know what I was or anything. It took me a while to even remember my name. So I ended up wandering around by myself for a little while before seeing my first human-"

"Where were you?" He interrupted. The pain in his voice was unmistakable.

I shook my head. "I don't know…it was warm outside. Some forest or something, I suppose."

"You have no idea where on the continent you were?" He asked critically. I was getting confused at the mean tone in his voice, as if he were accusing me of something and he sped up his driving.

My voice pleaded with him. "I was confused. I didn't know anything…I didn't even know myself. I was just…lost."

"And you never saw the vampire that changed you?"

I looked down at my lap, growing more and more uncomfortable with the conversation. I didn't understand why it seemed so important to him and wished that he would just leave it alone.

"No."

Neither one of us said anything for the rest of the drive home. I wasn't sure why, but I got the strangest feel that I should be comforting him about it. Instead I just forced myself to think of what I would match my new clothes with and kept my mouth shut.


	20. light that burns

_Woods. Blur. Woods. Woods. Woods everywhere. Blurry and starless. There is no moon here. Just the dark red blur. The dirt is cold against my skin and the blood is warmer on my face. I can feel the fingernails scratching along my skin as the blurriness turns to red and I can no longer see through the caked blood over my eyes. The body is getting colder and I am afraid that if it dies I'll go with it. I can't think correctly…nothing makes sense. _

_The feet are shuffling near my face and I notice that there are more than one pair before the owners of the brown ones picks me up again and tosses me roughly over his shoulder, running with me and letting the blood drip. The trees blur, but it's no longer pretty like it was when it was Edward carrying me… I snap my eyes open forcefully and know that it was something I that did it instead of this body that used to feel so foreign. I want to scream, but I can't figure out how to. I'm trapped in this body and I can't hear a thing. Maybe I am screaming…I don't know anymore. I want Edward. He'll come for me…I know he'll come for me. Except that he won't find me because these people…or vampires…know where he'll look. Edward is looking for me, I realize suddenly, and not just the body I'm in. I can remember something. Why does everything have to blur? Why can't I think straight? How long will he look? He won't find me. _

_And then there was nothing except for pain. I had lost so much blood earlier that I had been losing consciousness up to this point…the point when I feel the bite. It's on my upper thigh where I feel it…the part of me closest to the vampire's face. And then, for the first time, I can hear something. I can hear myself screaming. And the sound is as familiar to me as my own voice. And there is someone else…I can't see them, but I know they are there…behind us. I continue to shriek as the man biting me and draining me of the little blood I have left begins to scream too and drops me to the rocky ground. Fire fills my veins and I beg and scream for it to be put out. I had been afraid of dying before…but now it's what I am screaming for someone to have enough mercy to do. What is happening to me? _

_All I know is the pain and then I hear it. My Edward is calling for me._

"Alice? Alice!"

_My body is being shaken by someone…but there is no one around me. His voice sounds wrong. The fire fades as I can feel the hands shaking my shoulders roughly and I can't decide if I want to follow the voice out of the pain or stay where Edward might find me. I can feel my world involuntarily dissipate._

"Alice, darlin', come back to me! Alice!" Panic was evident in his voice.

"Edward?" I mumble incoherently…eyes still shut and fire still evident in my veins. The hands let go instantly and I try to blink my eyes open…but the first hint of light proves so painful that I snap them shut again before I can see anything.

It takes him several moments to touch me again and then I feel him pulling me into his lap between his legs, tentatively. His hands touch my temples and rub gentle circles where the most pain always is after these attacks. I try blinking my eyes open again and begin to wonder what I had just been doing. It still hurts too much so I try instead to focus on getting my erratic breathing under control. It amazed me how much a heart that didn't even work anymore could still hurt me when it wanted to. Waves of calmness circulated through me from my husband's body and I silently thanked him by placing a hand on his knee. He just held me like that motionlessly for what must have been several hours as the next time I opened my eyes the room was dark. It didn't hurt this time. I stayed still and looked around a bit. We were in our bedroom in the middle of the planked wooden floor.

My head still hurt, but at least now the pain was manageable and my head no longer felt as if it were about to explode. Jasper kisses the top of my head, letting me know that he knows I am fully awake and I reach up and put my hand behind me at his cheek. I can feel it when this simple gesture makes him smile. I smile too knowing that he is there. I have a good husband... he's always there to take care of me. He gets up slowly and then picks me up as well, cradling me to his chest and carrying me over to the bed.

As he placed me under the comforter and tucked me in as if I were a human child about to go to sleep, I noticed something strange that I could not quite make out in his eyes. It was pain of some kind. I reached up to his face again and stroked the side of his cheek, silently asking him what was wrong. He just shook his head and covered my hand with his own, walked out of the dark room, and left me alone.

Sensing that he would be back…that he just needed to go do something, I did not go after him. My head still ached and I wished that I could sleep so that I could escape it for a while. Instead I settled on straining to listen in to the conversation I could hear a few minutes later downstairs.

"We're leaving, Edward." Jasper said, tone flat in tone that was always accompanied by him crossing his arms.

"No. You can't." Edward stated as if he had already knew this was coming and his mind was made up.

"You know what this is doing to her!" Jasper practically roared. "You can feel just as well as I do! Didn't you feel that pain? It's getting worse and it's happening more. You know you're the cause of that! Now you tell me what the hell is going on with MY wife or I'll carry her out of here right now. I don't care what you tell her."

"You think I want to see Alice in pain? Do you really think that there is ANYTHING I would do to ever put her in pain?!"

Esme and Carlisle must have been with them because they now joined in their conversation. "Boys, both of you, calm down. For heaven sake, if she didn't have a headache before she will after all of your yelling."

"May I suggest we take this conversation somewhere else? She may be able to hear you." Carlisle put in.

Hear what? What couldn't I hear? Why was Jasper blaming Edward for this? There was no way he could be making me sick. I sank back down into the bed and held the pillow up to my head. It was really beginning to feel much better now. I decided to get up and find something to do. Talking to everyone else was obviously not an option right now. But we were supposed to move to our new tomorrow a few states away and Jasper and I still hadn't finished packing because of my headache earlier. There wasn't much left except for the bed and a few boxes and it didn't take me very long to have all of the bedding folded and packed and the bed disassembled.

I was on a roll with the packing and didn't want to stop. There was nothing else to do and I didn't want to think about what was going on with Jasper for fear the headache would return, so I went into Edward's room and looked around to see if he still had anything that needed to be packed up. His room was mostly empty but it looked as though he hadn't even touched his closet yet so I went to work.

I had just finished packing up the rest of the things in his closet and there was only one single thing left…an old cardboard box shoved in the very back corner. Before I had moved everything around it was hidden beneath a mountain of other things. It wasn't really that I was trying to snoop…okay so maybe I was, but it needed to be stored in a newer box…and I was just about to open it when Edward walked in, his face becoming panic stricken the second he saw me.

"What are you doing?!" Edward yelled, running up to me and taking it away from as if it were a baby instead of an old box.

"Reorganizing your things for the move. I was bored and thought you'd appreciate-"

"I don't appreciate anything! You have no business in my things! Don't you understand?" He was shaking me by the shoulders at this point, not in any way that could hurt, but enough to get his message across.

"Oh Edward, don't be so dramatic." I managed to giggle, trying not to let myself become unhinged at the strange situation. How was I to know he would mind?

"Alice, you can't! You- you…just stay out of my stuff! You don't know what you could have done. You- you…you could have hurt yourself!" He was in full scale panic at this point and I could think of nothing except how I couldn't have possibly gotten hurt going through his junk.

As this thought passed through my head, his expression changed dramatically, as if something had just pulled him back into reality. He tried visibly to calm down.

"You couldn't have, of course. I'm just being silly. I apologize, Alice. I overreacted quite a bit. But could you please just do me one big favor and agree to stay away from this one specific box? It has a lot of old sentimental things that are very…private."

I nodded and managed a smile, though both of us knew that was the stupidest thing in the world he could have said if he really wanted me to stay away…and I knew that Edward already regretted phrasing it that way. I glanced at the box one more time and could see something light pink through a hole in the corner, but Edward quickly covered it with his finger. I walked out of his room and decided to go hunting.

It only took me a few seconds to run deep into the woods out back. The forest air was thick and I drank in the smell of fox blood the gentle breeze carried in my direction. It wasn't the most appetizing thing out there, but the only other non vegetarian animals were a few human hikers and eating them wasn't an option I allowed for myself. The rain splattered lightly in my short hair as I ran through the trees feeling freer than I had in quite a while.

We would have to move again, but this time not for Jasper, thankfully. We can't get much older here…it wouldn't look right and Edward and I couldn't pass for more than our early twenties. He had been seventeen when he was changed and I know I must have been somewhere in my late teens as well. Everyone was beginning to push their own limit with age appearances. Plus, Carlisle was expecting some visitors in a few days at the new house. Cauis was coming along with a couple of the Volturi gaurd for an informal visit to catch up. Apparently, there was something he wanted to discuss with Carlisle.

I ate quickly, careful not to get my designer dress dirty as I did so, before taking my time going home. I wasn't in any hurry. Edward was mad at me, even though I had no idea what for and Jasper was acting weird. I was only trying to help him organize his things before moving them again and one old box he had in his closet looked so old that it might fall apart. Having secrets from people you've lived with for over a decade is ridiculous if you ask me. He doesn't allow any of the rest of us secrecy. But I know that isn't his fault. Still, it hurt for him to snap at me like that when he saw me holding it. Edward has never spoken crossly to me before…I'm his favorite sibling and we've always been best friends. What could he possibly have inside the box that I shouldn't be allowed to see? What was Edward hiding from me? I thought briefly that it could just be a Christmas present for me and he didn't want the surprise spoiled…but even if it had been he would not have become that defensive.

Jasper waited for me pensively on a log and I realized that he had been watching me all along as I hunted. I slowly went over to him and let him take me home.


	21. Alice Awake

_Author's note: I added in some things that I didn't realize weren't in the last chapter. I'm not sure how, but a rather pivotal couple of sentences got deleted and I had to go back and add it in. Make sure you go back and read that before you read this chapter if you read it before this one was posted! _

**Winter, 1962**

The floor was cold, though it didn't bother my bare feet as I padded through to the other side of the dark house to Edward's room. I couldn't tell Jasper what I had seen. Without bothering to knock, I opened the door to his room and stood in the doorway, staring at him silently. I didn't need to say anything. He had seen right along with me, even if I had been busy and more than a few rooms away in this monstrous house. He stared back at me differently than I him, looking at me as if I were a ghost.

Then he just shook his head slightly and grimaced at me. "I won't let it happen." He stated bitterly. He seemed in more shock than I was, if that were even possible. I stepped a few feet forward and sat down next to him on the edge of the only couch in the room.

"I've already run through as many scenarios as I can by just changing my mind. Nothing stops it…some of them just makes it worse. I get you killed, or Jasper, or Rosalie, or all of you."

His fists clenched into the edge of the couch and I watched as the leather tore beneath his fingers. He was obviously trying very hard to keep his temper. "It isn't happening." He restated forcefully. "I'll hide you in Antarctica if that is what's necessary. I don't care if they do kill me, but they aren't taking you."

His big eyes settled on my face and I felt awkward...like I was doing something wrong or betraying Jasper somehow just being in here, but I knew that was silly. It was strange though, like he was trying to tell me something with just his eyes. I noticed his t-shirt and pants and thought briefly about trying to lighten things up by commenting on his lack of style or ability to match before his hand caught onto mine and he made a disapproving face.

"Edward, why would they even want me? My visions must be like parlor tricks to them. I thought that everyone in the guard was there voluntarily."

"Don't underestimate how valuable you are. If they could use you to see the future…to see the outcome of every battle before they fight it…"

"They want you too. They want-" My words spilled out like a glass of knocked over milk…messy and sour and too hard to clean.

"I don't care what they want. We'll talk to Carlisle, maybe he can get us out of this mess somehow. The Volturi have a lot of respect for him."

"Don't you pay any attention?" I asked, feeling slightly panicked. "I already thought of that."

"And?"

I looked to the floor, not wanting to meet his eyes. "We all fight and Japer…doesn't make it. Neither does Emmett. I thought about running off with Jasper, but they end up killing him if I do that and if run off alone he still dies and then you do too."

"Why now?" Edward asks, more to himself than to me. "You and Jasper have been with us for a dozen years. It was Caius in your…OH MY GOD." Abruptly standing up and darting, he still managed to yell a hurried "stay here!" before leaving the room.

I barely had time to even wonder what was going on before I go the very unpleasant vision of Edward walking, or rather, running in on Carlisle and Esme going at it with each other in their room. I was positive that I would have gagged if I were still human. Edward didn't even make it funny with all the disgusted faces and apologizes that he normally would. In my vision, he barley even seemed to notice and certainly didn't seem to care. For once, I wished I was the mind reader so I could finally know what was actually going on around here. I wasn't stupid. I knew they hid things…especially Edward and I knew that whatever it was they hid, they hid more from me than anyone else.

I didn't bother trying to follow Edward; they would only stop talking if I did. They wouldn't explain anything. I slowly paced back to Jasper and made up some stupid excuse for leaving before finding other ways to get my mind off of things with him. Thankfully, he didn't probe too hard.

Nothing anyone came up with worked. It was two days later. Apparently the Volturi had planned ahead to deal with someone like me because they seemed to have every scenario covered. Edward was upset at me for some reason again. He hadn't come near me since I talked to him in his room. There was no way out, no way my family wouldn't suffer because of me…except for one. I would have to leave them, not to run off, but to go and give myself up to the Volturi…and I would have to do it now.

Jasper wouldn't take his eyes off of me. I had to lose him while we were hunting. It was a terrible thing for me to do…to lie and not say goodbye, but I didn't have a choice if I wanted to keep everyone alive. I had no idea why this was happening, but I knew that it was somehow because of me. It was all coming so fast. I tried not to think of never seeing Jasper again, of never seeing my family again, of never seeing Edward again. The thought was more painful than death. I continued running through the woods to meet them. The rest of the family didn't know, but the Volturi were already on the continent. If I kept running and managed to leave with them before any of them caught up with us maybe no one else would be hurt.

I kept running…running until I didn't even have the faintest clue at all where I was even, except that I was getting closer to the Volturi. It had to be that way- that even I didn't know where I was so that Edward couldn't follow me and get hurt. By this time I was sure everyone knew. Jasper wouldn't waste much time in the woods before looking for me and Edward always knew what I was thinking, so he probably had a much quicker head start than the others, though I received no visions of his future, indicating that he hadn't decided what to do yet.

I wasn't sure what they would do with me when I got to them, they didn't know I was coming so no decision could be made for me to see. I only knew that doing this meant losing everything I loved to keep my family alive. Would I be alone in Voltaire forever? Would I ever see my family again? My husband again? Edward again? It was funny that amidst thinking of all I was losing Edward simply wouldn't leave my mind. Jasper was…my life. I loved him so much and he is was wonderful husband. My heart was breaking at the thought of never seeing him again. But there was something stranger tugging at my insides about being away from Edward that was almost physically painful. This whole thing…being dragged away, the Volturi, this picture in my mind of Edward…I kept getting the strangest sense of déjà vu. I couldn't shake it, although there were so many other things that were more important. Why was it that when I was about to lose my husband, probably forever, all I could think of was my brother? I loved Jasper. There was no question about how much I loved Jasper. Something must be wrong with me.

The snow I am running through was getting deeper…it was already almost to my knees and I hated how it slowed me down. I decided to eat on the way…I didn't want the Volturi getting any ideas of me eating with them. Quickly, I caught a deer and ate it, knowing that I wasn't very far away at all now. I could even hear them in the distance…through the trees. Blood from the deer dripped onto the snow, staining its purity and I looked to see it run to the dirt ahead of me near the river bank. Caius stood watching me from the tree line in the distance. His blonde white hair blew in the freezing wind and I couldn't help to look down again to the blood droplets I had shed in the snow. Something wasn't right. It was happening again. I heard a voice yelling my name from a distance behind me and I knew it was happening over. The blood in the snow wasn't the deer's anymore, but mine dripping onto the dirt of this same forest 41 years ago.

_Caius was angry at the other vampire for biting me. He had wanted to bring me back to Voltaire to be changed. They knew about my gift. I wasn't sure how. It was when they were arguing that I crawled into the river from the muddy bank I laid on. I thought that I would drown. Caius fought and killed the other vampire. He tore off his head and saw him throw it somewhere. He was too busy to realize what I was doing. But I knew I had to get away. The water floated me about a mile before an undercurrent leading to English Bay caught hold of me. The freezing water incased me and drug me down to the bottom. There was no air to breathe and my lungs filled with the bloody water all around me. I could see nothing. Everything was dark and I…I died. I actually died before the venom had enough time to really change me. I stayed down there, in the bottom of the bay, until the current washed me up. How long was it that I stayed under? Hours? Days? Weeks? I can't remember because I was dead under there. Alone and frozen and dead. _

_The sun felt warm against my cold, wet skin. Sand and sea weed was all over me. The transformation wasn't totally complete and every inch of my body hurt as if it were on fire. I looked like a corpse…a body washed to shore twinkling in the sun and someone was bent over me, checking the pulse on my neck. The first instinct that came to me was to bite. I didn't know. God, I didn't know…and then I ran into the forest. That was the first thing I could always remember…the lonely forest. What was I? Was I alive, in purgatory, or in hell? What was my name? Was I human? My head throbbed at my first vision of a man sitting in a diner and I fell to my knees and covered my head…trying to hide from it. What were these pictures? What- what…_

_The man was still screaming for me was outside of my head and I wanted to answer him, I wanted to wake up. But I couldn't and memory after memory flooded my mind as if whatever damn that had been holding them back was broken and I couldn't breathe for all of them pouring over top of me. It felt as if I were drowning again, except in memories inside my mind instead of in the river. It was as if I were locked inside it and I couldn't come out to answer the voice…to answer Jasper, although his cry was desperate. More voices came around me soon. Jasper held my body, but I couldn't make it respond to him. I couldn't move and then I fell back into the deep, soft snow that still smelled of blood and smoke._


	22. always

__

Author's note: I got a few reviews saying that the last chapter was confusing. To answer you, yes, it was. I wanted it to be that way, because it was

1

_st__ person and Alice was very, very confused and didn't know what was going on anymore than you as the readers do or did. So, in short, don't worry about it, keep reading, and all will be explained- at least sort of. Also, I know that it took me forever and a day to get this chapter up, but that's because I wrote about four wildly different versions of it and couldn't decide between this one and one other. _

_I actually liked the other better and it seemed like more of an ending to me, but it was very…tragic and had a huge twist and I finally just decided to use this one instead for two reasons. A) This story has been sort of tragic all along and B) you all may have revolted against me if I posted the other considering what happened in it. This chapter is not the end, but it is shorter because it came to a point where I felt adding anything else would cheapen the moment it stops at. Since I do have the other version though, I will email it to anyone interested in reading it if you put in a request._

* * *

The memories held me under in my own subconciousness as I flowed along with them. The first few had swept me under like a rip tide and I had not been able to surface from them since. It was as if they were angry at me for being held back all those decades, and refused to let me wake up in case I tried to dam them back again. But there would be no doing that, not even if I wanted to. Too much of myself had been missing before. It felt somewhat like I've always heard happens before someone dies…their whole life replays, flashing itself before the person's eyes. My memories were not flashing however, but taking their sweet time replaying in their course human quality, with bits and pieces gone and others much too long for my liking. Most of it was too long for my liking. Most of it I would have rather kept forgotten, but I knew that if I had the option at this point, I could do it. Getting rid of all the bad memories about my family abandoning me and the cruelty at the asylum would mean getting rid of Edward as well.

Now, trapped inside of here, I could remember why he had been looking at me that way for the last decade and more that Jasper and I had been with the Cullen's. He hadn't forgotten. And I had been there every day right in front of him. I had been there every day with Jasper. I couldn't imagine what must that had felt like for my Edward...my visitor, my husband, my white knight, and my adoptive brother? Had Jasper known or had Edward kept it a secret? How could he live like that? Did he not love me anymore, after all those years? After seeing me with Jasper? Did he ever truly love me at all? A sense of panic fell over me and I felt as if I were being pulled down deeper to avoid escaping myself.

How long had I been this way? Struggling even harder against the current, I managed to get closer to the surface. My surroundings were too warm for me to still be lying in the snow. There was also no breeze. The air smelled dank. Was I inside somewhere? I felt a hand holding mine and it squeezed once as a sort of unasked answer. Somehow I knew that the hand had been here for as long as I had, still as a statue and waiting for me to wake. He knew I was getting closer. I knew it was Edward. He was with me and he would not leave me. But what about Jasper? I knew him too well to consider that he might have left me either.

The hand traced over my frozen face, as if to comfort me from news I had yet to receive. When I thought about it, I thought that I might know already. Jasper would never drop me. But he did and I remembered the smell of him and the smoke and I couldn't let myself think about it anymore. Drowning in the cold current was easier and I let myself sink back into it…seeing horrible memories of the asylum instead. Even that, even the rapes and the doctors and the shock treatments were easier to handle than what I knew I had coming for me if I woke up. I didn't know how to deal with Jasper being gone. It had to have been my fault.

Could I just stay asleep? Couldn't Edward find his way to me here and we just forget reality? He squeezed twice and then continued stroking my face. But I could feel him now, even in the deep, even in the dark scary asylum. Maybe I wasn't as deep as I thought I was. His hand traced over mine as I remembered humming to myself, half crazy, in my sour smelling bed in the dark cell. I could feel him always holding my hand as I remembered the worst of it.

The first few weeks that I was locked up, I wasn't used to the dark…and I had never been alone in it in my life as I had always shared a room with my sister. I could hear the screaming from the others in rooms around me echoing through the narrow corridors and I felt sure I would die any second from mere panic. The man that delivered the food to the prisoners- that was what I knew we were- not patients, peaked into my room from the opening at the door he was supposed to slide the plate through. Something as wrong with him, but I didn't know what. I noticed that he had a cleft lip as he grinned at me. I stared at him, mostly because he was the first person I had seen since they put me in this room. I felt as if I had been there for days already.

The door creaked as it opened in the kind of ear splitting noise you heard from nails running against a chalk board. I cringed away from it and the man grew angry at me, taking it as me showing my repulsion to him. He stared as he crept forward, laughing but never saying a word. I had never been touched by a man before that and he disgusted me. In a matter of about forty seconds I began to understand why the screaming around me sounded so constant…and then in another moment I began screaming too. I was screaming, and fighting, and throwing up, but I could still feel Edward's hand grasping mine, squeezing it harder than was really comfortable, but only because he saw what I was and it hurt him. His hand kept me anchored. It kept me from being swept away anymore and I knew that for Edward's sake I should wake up, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it if the news of Jasper's death was waiting for me when I did. I knew it was, and I struggled to find something in my mind more painful to try to make me forget. But I couldn't forget and, eventually, under the tide and amist all the memories I slowly began to have to deal with it.

It took awhile for my mind to replay everything. I noticed that, as time went by and I had remembered more, the current began to slow. Eventually, the once raging river dried up and then I sat on the cracked river bed like a desperate fish suffocating and baking in the sun. Jasper was gone and I needed to be able to sink again, but with no water left, there was nothing else to do but stand up and move on away from the dry bed. The day that I finally knew that I had to wake up Edward's hand was still holding mine. However long I had been lost and hiding there, he had never left. His face was the first thing I saw when I finally dared to open my eyes. Our kind had never seemed so statue like to me until I saw him sitting there, frozen at the side of my bed. His expression changed finally, as I gazed at him, but his eyes continued to bore into my own.

I don't know how long it was before either of us spoke. It seemed to me like an eternity…but it was more peaceful than I could ever recall experiencing up to that point in my existence. A million things could have been said between us, but when I saw the way he looked at me I realized that none of it was needed. A fire crackled in the background of the big chilly stone room and the light coming from it behind Edward was beautiful. Slowly and tentatively, he reached out towards me with his other hand. I closed my eyes for a moment as his skin touched my face and, despite everything, I couldn't help but smile.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for you." His rich, handsome voice whispered softly to me, finally.

I opened my eyes and reached up with my hand to cover his where it brushed over my face and held there. Memorizing every little detail of what he looked like at that moment I opened my mouth to answer. Instead I just stared into his eyes. There were no words for that moment. Not for what I felt, but he knew what I meant. I didn't have to do anything. He would always be there, always waiting, and I would always come back to him. Slowly, he nodded his head to let me know he understood and, for the first time in over forty years, I saw him smile.

I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it softly, unable to shed the tears that I had lost the ability to make years ago.


	23. The sleeping beauty

_Author's note: I know this update has taken awhile; life just got crazy and all that. I received so many requests for emails of the alternate last chapter I've decided to just include it as a bonus at the end of the story. Hope you all enjoy the chapter!_

It could feel his hand at my face after I kissed it. His skin was so sweet…it smelled and tasted exactly the same as it had the first time I ever let him touch me over forty years ago. All the smells that should have been reserved just for heaven contained in his sweet skin. We were both so young then…though we look as though neither of us had aged a day. His eyes were the blackest I had ever seen with rings going around the base as if he had painted them with coal. How long had he sat there, depriving himself of anything and everything to stay with me?

"Edward…how long have we been here?" I had to ask because I was worried about him and, for the moment at least, he was the only thing I could think about. I reached my hand up to his face and the moment my skin touch his he closed his eyes as if basking in the sensation. He shook his head slightly, eyes still closed and smiling. Probably without realizing it, he leant farther forward closer to me.

"A couple of months. It doesn't matter." The tone of his voice let me know that he really did not care. I knew would have sat there frozen for years, until his body gave out before leaving me. His perfect face was only a foot or two away now and all I wanted was to touch it…to touch my visitor.

"You shouldn't have starved yourself." The expression in his eyes made it clear that, if he were human, tears would have been running. He let out an unnecessary breath I hadn't realized he had been holding.

"No, I have everything I need right here." I could feel his breath tickle my skin as his words fell and the familiarity of it comforted me even as my chest burned with sorrow, and worry, and need. My eyes followed his lips as he spoke to me and I remembered the last time they touched my own so long ago. When I finally tore my eyes away from them to connect with his eyes again I saw that his expression mirrored my own. It was almost painful…being so close to him and knowing and needing. I drank in the smell of his fresh breath as if it was a drug and my hand left his face to go down to his hand again. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his and I could feel my unnecessary breath become ragged and uneven with desire.

Would it be so wrong? Would be like betraying Jasper? I had been unknowingly betraying Edward for years. This man in front of me was my soul mate, but I had loved and still loved Jasper very much. Could I really do this with him dead because of me? Because he was trying to protect me and keep me from being forced to come here?

Edward's face twisted in pain and then he nodded slowly, reading my thoughts and showing me that it was okay. Leaning forward slowly, he kissed me softly on my forehead. I felt his lips at my skin and all I wanted was for the world to rewind so that we could have been together. So that Jasper wouldn't have to die. I wished that both of us could have just been human and that we could have grown old together. I could picture the two of us in that tiny old house we had with the yellow curtains, curled up in bed together, old and wrinkly but totally content. Things could never be simple that way again.

I couldn't go back to the night I was changed and think of something better, something that would have kept me human for him. Instead I planned to let them murder me to save Edward and all it did was make me a polygamist, hurt Edward, and get Jasper killed. Some psychic I am. I didn't deserve to be here, alive in Edward's arms. Jasper deserved so much better than me and so does Edward. I should have known better.

"Stop that." He whispered to me, disapproving of my self condemning thoughts. "You made Jasper's life. He had nothing until you and I know that he would rather it have been this way than never met you. I-I didn't want to share you, it killed me watching." He swallowed hard and tried to straighten his pained face. "But I don't blame him for not letting you go. That's something that would be impossible for any man that ever really knew you."

I opened my mouth to say that I was sorry…sorry for everything that I had done to him, but before I could get anything out his mouth was covering mine and I lost all of my senses completely.

It was the long, needy, open mouthed kiss that we had been waiting for all along. He didn't have to worry about his venom in my mouth any longer, nor did he have to worry much about hurting me. Finally, he could just let go. I had expected that he would compose himself after a moment and back off, muttering something about propriety. That's what my old Edward would have done, but I guess that years of frustration and watching me with another man changed him and he did not stop, but instead made the kiss even deeper.

My hands tangled in his hair as I automatically wrapped my arms around his neck and he moved over me onto the bed to get a better angle. The clothing he wore was thick and obviously made for winter, but I did not care as he stretched his body out atop mine. I felt his hands exploring my face, then my clothes covered body as if trying to memorize every detail. We stayed like that for a while, unable to break apart for the world, and then he slowed, backing away just enough to see me.

"I've wanted to touch you for so long, my Alice." He half whispered, half groaned.

I met his eyes, feeling apprehensive. "I'm not…ruined to you?" I asked, thinking back to all those nights that he had played the piano so loudly, trying to block us out. The idea of it now was mortifying.

His expression grew serious as he answered. "Nothing could ever make me stop loving you, Alice. There is nothing that you could do to make me stop." His words were exactly the same as I remembered hearing as I watched him leave that last day…and I wished so much that I could still cry so that there could be some kind of relief. I managed a smile and threw my head back unto the pillow as he began kissing me again, softer this time and not as hurried. He knew that I wasn't going anywhere. I was his…and this time I would stay his and his alone for the rest of eternity.

"My sweet visitor." I mumbled against his skin as he kissed my neck and I held his much larger body to my own. I had really loved Jasper, but when I felt Edward against me and saw him look up to where our eyes met, I felt truly at home for the first time since I was murdered. Nothing around us mattered…until the giant doors at the far side of the room interrupted us as they banged open to reveal the vampire that I hated most in this world. Edward was off me almost instantaneously as Caius walked in, followed by the little blonde girl I had heard about named Jane, but remained very close in a sort of protective stance.

Caius broke out a big smile as he entered the room and saw us. Edward took back my hand and I tried to sit up. Oddly, it seemed a difficult task to manage. Vampires do not really get sick or anything and I had never felt weak in this way since I had been changed. I attributed it to my lack of food and lengthy coma like state. I watched as the two Volturi vampires walked toward us and Edward grasped my hand tighter and emitted a low growl towards them.

Caius's smile did not fade even for a second. "So," he said as he stopped about ten feet away from us "our sleeping beauty has finally awakened!" He locked eyes with Edward. "I was beginning to think this day would never come. It is not something that has been heard of before- vampires who have physical weakness or who go into comas."

Whatever he was thinking must have really upset Edward as he began growling again, this time audibly. Finally, I managed to get myself into a sitting position so that I would hopefully not appear so weak as I felt.

Caius smiled bigger and it looked truly scary. "What? Will you not even allow us to welcome our newest family members? After all, you'll be with us for a long time."

Obviously growing tired of the unfriendliness Edward was showing, Caius motioned for Jane to step forward and not a second later, I felt the worst pain I had ever experienced in my life. Involuntarily, I began to scream and my whole body seemed to flop against the bed as if I was having a seizure. I had no idea of what was going on, but by the time the unbearable pain stopped Edward was kneeling on the floor in front of Caius, as if to beg him. It seemed as though they were having some sort of mental conversation because every now and then Edward would respond to him with a "yes" or "whatever" or "just leave Alice out of it".

Caius looked over to me. "Come here, Alice." He summoned, rather than asked.

I tried to sit up again as I had before. It was a slow process. When I finally had managed it, I leaned my feet over the side of the bed and tried to let them touch the floor before standing up. The bed was too tall for that, however, and I found myself falling to the floor out of weakness and seemingly exhaustion. I could hear Caius laughing as he finally allowed Edward to come back over to me. I felt scared and embarrassed- a vampire who cannot even stand by herself. It was humiliating, especially in this context. It was as if I was the human girl Edward had newly rescued from the asylum again, too weak to do anything for myself. I gave Edward an apologetic look as he bent down and lifted me up, carrying and cradling me bridal style to his chest as he slowly made our way back to Caius.

"Do not think, child, that whatever handicap you have will excuse you from your duties here. If you do not do as you are told, Jane will be sure to let Edward feel what you have just." I shuddered at the thought and Edward held me tighter to his body as Caius again began to smile. "Such an honor to be chosen for our guard, you two should be joyful. You two little lovebirds go…celebrate. As long as you stay inside the city walls, no one will bother you."

"You know that we have to leave the city to hunt." Edward demanded.

Caius laughed just slightly as if deciding whether to indulge a child's silly request for something ridiculous. "Yes, yes. I forgot…" He looked at Jane out of the side of his eyes as if sharing a funny joke he knew she would enjoy "members of Carlisle's coven. Alright, well, we'll know if either of you get too far and, trust me, that would not be good for either of you." At that, the two vampires turned and left the room, shutting the giant doors behind them.

Edward slowly walked us back toward the chair he had been sitting in for so long and sat back down, keeping me in his arms and wiping a few stray strands of hair from my face with his fingers. He smiled as if he were unaware or perhaps just did not care about the situation we were in at the moment. We were together again and our surroundings meant almost nothing. I put a hand to his chest on the inside of his jacket and felt him kiss the top of my head in reciprocation. His lips were gentle and inviting and I wanted to feel them on the rest of my body, but I could feel Edward shaking his head 'no' at the thought. I looked up at him, wondering if he could ever truly forgive me.

"We need to eat." He said softly while brushing his fingers through my short hair.

I nodded, smiling into his chest. He stood, holding me as before and began making his through the enormous castle that seemed to go on forever. Edward walked slowly, as if he were unsure about how to find his way out.

"I was only looking at you when they brought us in here…not the layout." He apologized as he walked. The castle was like a maze of windowless stone rooms and corridors. It was a dark, cold, drafty place, even by vampire standards. The whole thing seemed underground, but there was no way to know for sure. Finally, after about twenty minutes of wandering without ever seeing a soul, we found our way outside.

The hunting did not take too long. Edward sat me down on the first boulder we came to and quickly caught a large brown bear, somehow managing not to drink any of it before bring it back to me to eat. I could not imagine his restraint considering how badly he needed to drink. Somehow though, he brought the bear to me to drink without having spilled a drop. He refused to drink any until I began to drink as well. I felt pathetic, unable to hunt for myself. Still, I figured that I would probably feel much better after eating and so I let him, hoping that it would give me my strength back. We both drank and I hoped that it would be enough for Edward considering how bad off his eyes showed him to be. The blood was rich and briefly I thought about how much Emmett would enjoy this if he were here. It wasn't a grizzly, but to me it tasted very similar. I grew sad wondering when Edward and I would ever get to see him or Rosalie or Esme or Carlisle again.

After the bear was drained completely, Edward looked over at me and smiled reassuringly. "We're together again, that's all that matters. We can figure our way out of this predicament later." I stood, feeling much stronger after the meal, but still kept close to Edward, allowing him to guide my body as we slowly headed back toward the city. Part of it was that I still felt off and didn't want to scare Edward by falling, but most of it was just simply because I was not ready to be any farther from him and I knew he felt the same.

The ancient walled city of Volterra looked huge and imposing from where we stood now, but somehow, we would bring it and all who live there to their knees. Caius had murdered and taken decades of my life from me, separated me from Edward, and killed Jasper. Soon the Volturi would regret ever bringing us here and Caius would pay for what he has done. Taking Edward's free hand, I smiled as we reentered the city.


	24. princess in the tower

_Author's note: After a massive writer's block, I think I may have finally gotten my groove back on where this story is supposed to go. I deleted the last chapter where Alice and Edward got together because I think that I just happened too soon and decided to go a more adventurous route with things. I hope you like it. No promises on how quick my updates will be, but I am generally more motivated with reviews (hint, hint) and I do intend on finishing this story. Also, the lesser Volturi members names' and information was gathered from - hopefully it is accurate. All past Volturi events are canon. _

By the time we got back inside the underground part of the castle, Jane had found us. She came to "escort me" over to what could only be described as a large marble throne room. Edward followed, unwilling to leave me alone with Jane and probably afraid that I would end up falling or something. Jane kept a quick pace and I struggled to keep up…still wondering what was wrong with me. I had not even been awake for a day and they were already making demands of my "gift".

"I want to take my wife and go home." Edward stated forcefully as soon as we came to stand at the middle of the huge room, Felix standing behind us at the door.

"Your wife?" Aro asked, raising his eyebrow.

"You know we are married, Aro." Edward said, voice low and wearing an expression as if he were about to pounce on Aro.

"Ah yes, well, marriage is the strongest of bonds…however, if I am correct, you two never were actually married. Lived is sin, surely, for a while…but you were never married. Then the two of you were…separated…and the young lady married another suitor. A suitor whom she was married to for over a decade and a half. A young gentleman by the name of Jasper Whitlock. "

"Until you killed him" I replied, trying desperately to hold my body steady and not show emotion. _How dare they even say Jasper's name! He was such a good man and Cauis murdered him..or had him murdered by Felix or someone. _I had not actually seen it happen, so I did not know the particulars. That was probably a mercey anyways. I did not want to know about whatever suffering they put him through. Edward tried to move to put his arms around me, but Aro interceded.

"Oh well, let us not talk about that trivial matter now. We have a new arrangement for you that should be very pleasing. Have you met my wife?"

I shook my head 'no' while getting a sudden promotion of where this was going. Marcus- the one whose skin looked almost translucent- used to have a wife who had been killed by Aro. Now Cauis and Aro have decided that I would make a good replacement. They didn't want him to know what Aro had done. I was repulsed. Edward instantly tried to move to me again, obviously furious as he saw my vision, and this time Felix grabbed him to hold him down by his neck as Jane set her powers on him. Aro continued as if nothing had happened.

"Sulpicia." He called cooly. A women with the same onion white skin as Aro and Marcus appeared from somewhere behind the thrones with a serene expression on her face and walked forward to her husband unitl she was just a little behind him to one side. "Athenodora is sure to be lurking somewhere as well. She is Cauis's mate. You should be quite honored."

Edward yelled "no!" from the place he was withering on the floor. I knew that any attempts I made to help him would lead to his death at this point. My mind was running like a desperate hunted animal to try to see some way out of this. There had to be some decision that I could make...one to change Edwards' now impending death. Only one choice that I could make gave vision to a dimly hopeful outcome and I instantly went with it. I did nothing when a large vampire named Santiago forcibly led me to Marcus's side.

I knew I only had one shot and, after that, there would be none. I could not screw up. I had to wait for my chance to strike. Marcus did not look at me but only continued to stare forward with his bored expression.

"I'll do what you want, but only if you let Edward go out of Volterra and free."

Cauis laughed. "Why? He would only get himself killed trying futile rescue attempts. No, I think we'll keep him here until he is needed."

Edward finally managed to stand back up after Jane stopped torturing him. He stared at me and I tried to tell him what he needed to know. _He won't kill me, I'm too useful. Concentrate on reading them and finding allies. I know their weakness. Go get help. I love you. _

Edward nodded just ever so slightly to let me know he understood.

"Good, good, good. I'm so pleased this all worked out. I'm sure you will find your life here most comfortable. Besides, a women so delicate like yourself will find a life like Sulpicia and Athenodora's quite fitting. I even have someone that I think may be able to help you with your...weaknesses."

Edward's head jerked up to Aro as if he had just heard something in his mind that shocked him, however, he did not seem angry for that split second.

"You need to understand one thing. I can watch decisions if I choose, but I can also stay away from the decisions of anyone I do not wish to see. I will deny you of any use I may have, I will struggle, I will kick, and I will scream if Marcus so much as touches me…unless you let Edward go. I will make myself far more trouble than I am worth. Read my mind, Aro, if you do not believe me, but I will not fight you if you simply allow him his leave from this place."

"Alice, no!" Edward protested loudly.

"She is somewhat more useful to us considering your own mind reading abilities, Aro." Marcus remarked. It was the first time I had heard him talk.

"Go back home Edward. I don't love you anymore and I can't stand to see you here suffering for me anymore." _I love you Edward, go to Russia. I hear they have enemies there. I will be okay. Marcus does not plan to do anything to me. Find leverage. It's the only plan that could work. _

Edward looked anguished, but then finally gave just the slighest of nods.

I tried to smile as I watched him walk out, quickly and without looking back. Marcus took my arm and slowly began to lead me upwards into the maze of the ancient stone castle. I tried to be brave as he led me up to a tower and I walked straight forward to the window to watch the man that had visited me in the only place I have ever known to be darker than this one walk away. I knew he would be back for me someday. So, I decided to wait for him as any princess in a tower would until he came. Until then I would wait for him.

"Have no fear child." Marcus said from close behind me. "It is not any flesh that I am after today. I only go along with this because I can see that Aro would be eased by the union. I want no new wife. Do as we say. Tell us of the future and help us maintain our laws. No one will harm you or him as long as you do."

I turned around to face him. "I know something. Edward knows it too. If you only keep away from me, I will tell you something that you have needed to know for fifteen hundred years. Something that will change everything."

"I doubt very much child, that you know anything that would be of any personal interest to me." He said in the same bored, raspy, and unused voice that he always spoke with on the rare occasion that he spoke at all.

"I know what happened to your wife."


	25. Stone Walls and The Hourglass

_Author's note: The first half of this chapter was uploaded two days ago, but the second half is new...so if you've already read the first bit just skip down until you get to the new part. The reason for this is because I wanted to add a bit more of Alice's thoughts before the action starts in the next few chapters and the new addition just didn't quite seem like it should stand alone. Hope you enjoy and please, let me know what you think!_

The winter passed by slowly for me. Days passed as though they were years and weeks like decades. Marcus, thankfully, did keep his distance. He changed his mind a lot on what course of action he would take in revenge for his mate. He was pretty resolute that he wanted to kill Aro, but he was not resolute in the manner in which he would do so. The difference of whether Edward and I would live or die based on that future changed regularly and I became resigned to the idea that my life hinged upon it. Marcus wasn't the only one to make my future change either. Edward seemed to change his mind more and more the longer he was away as to how he would rescue me. Edward debated about who to beg assistance from and who not to. A cival war within the Voluturi was almost a definite and the sides that certain key vampires took make all the difference for my life and, far more importantly, for Edward's.

Cauis and Aro would come up to the room at the tower where Marcus had taken me that first day. I had taken that room up as my primary place of choice rather than the large bedroom Edward had watched over me in for so long. There were too many memories in that room for me the return there, especially alone. They would ask me questions about vampires they thought were being too conspicuous with their killing or other small things that they must have known I would have no reason to object to. The only reason for it that I could begin to guess was that they were trying to gain my trust or loyalty by only demanding things that I would not have conflicting interests about. I found their efforts ridiculous.

I wasn't confined there, in that room. I could come and go as I please, but I only did to hunt. Other than that, however, I stayed in that room, spending most of my time staring out the window at the Italian countryside where I watched Edward leave. I felt like a statue, like I was turning slowly to stone.

Once, in late March, Aro had called me down into one of the further reaching underground rooms. There was an older vampire there that I had never met. His expression was one of curiosity when he saw me. I had seen him before in my visions, of course, but I wasn't sure what exactly he was going to do.

"This is the girl?" He asked in a deep English accent.

Aro nodded. "I think you will find her quite intriguing."

He gave a small grin to Aro and turned towards me. "There are not many out there like you."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Vampires who sleep and physically ale."

"I don't sleep...that was just the one incident." I said, trying to make myself appear to be stronger. "You know why those things happen?" I hazarded, watching him circle me like a vulture.

"I have my thoughts on the matter." He stated quietly. "Can you do anything else, besides see the future?" He asked.

I shook my head 'no'. "Who are you?"

"I'm the doctor. Or well, I was in my human life. My gift is to see the problems one has. It was quite useful to me as a human, but although my powers are stronger now, I haven't many left to practice on." He turned back to Aro. "She'll be fine. She won't go into another coma again. She was turned into a vampire after she was already dead. Maybe not enough vemon was used as well as that can also have ill effects. In those situations, the outcomes are usually much worse than they are in this case."

"Ask Cauis how much penetration the vampire who bit her got. If less than the necessary amount of venom was injected and then she died before turning, it would explain the whole problem."

Aro nodded. Then I had a sudden vision. The doctor was about to tell Aro that, to resolve the issue, more venom should be injected. That would cause me to be bitten again, this time by one of the volturi…Cauis. Quickly, before the doctor said anything else I shot him a warning glare and shook my head a little to try to prevent him from speaking.

"Are you having a vision, my dear?" Aro asked, suddenly keenly interested.

"Yes." I answered, quickly searching for some crime in which I could report to cover up the real thing. "That vampire you asked me to watch in Montreal, Garuis, his mate wants an immortal child and he has decided to come to ask permission to change one…an older one…whom he hopes he will be able to control. Maybe one of eleven or twelve years?"

"May I go?" I asked, trying to keep my tone polite.

"Do as you will my darling little sister in law." Aro hissed.

I shot him a glare. "I am not your sister in law. My husband's name is Edward Mason and I don't believe he is at all related to you."

"You still fancy yourself married to him?" The old vampire asked angrily. "Well, we shall repair that notion" Aro snapped. I knew that I had made a mistake...a very stupid and careless one. I couldn't afford to have them seek vengence on Edward.

"Please, Aro, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." I spoke quietly, head slightly bowed.

Aro grabbed my chin and raised it up to force me to look at him. "Perhaps we need a ceremony, then? A... a consumation perhaps...well, I had really hoped it wouldn't come to all that, but if you insist..." I heard him clap his hands loudly.

"Jane?"

"Yes, master?" The blonde girl responded, walking up quickly to him from seemingly out of nowhere.

"It looks as though Alice is going to need preparations for a ceremony. Go, take her and see that whatever necessary actions are taken."

Jane smiled and the cruel expression on her face scared me. She enjoyed the suffering she inflicted. I listened to my steps as I walked through the corridors behind her, slowly. I was a fool to have acted so quickly without thinking, without seeing the consequences that resulted. I had been kept as a prisioner of Volterra now for four months and this was the first time I had ever spoken without using my gift to weigh the results.

The sound of each of my steps on the cold dark stone floors of the castle seemed to echo and come back empty. I felt like the farther I followed Jane through the ancient labyrinth the more I disapeared into it...into the stone and the nothingness...the more I felt like a lost ghost rather than a vampire. I wondered if I would be doomed to these dark stone rooms for eternity. The idea felt like the ultimate punishment...like a punishment far worse than any death. Unfortunately, suicide was not something that one vampire could accomplish by herself. I knew that if Edward died I would have to find a way to make them kill me. I would do anything necessary...expose myself to humans, or maybe even take one of them down with me...but I would not stay in this purgatory except to wait for my Edward. My white knight that took me away from that first dark prision so many years ago would have to rescue me just one more time...just one more time so that we could finally be together. I smiled at the mental picture of him storming through the doors of Volterra to carry me into the rain and the sweet smell of his skin just as he had that day at the asylum in my youth. No fairytale prince could ever compare to my sweet visitor.

The room Jane went into was in a different part of the castle than I had ever been to, not that I had really done much exploring. The room, like all the others, was candle lit and dim. There was a very old bed with a red velvet bedspread. Laid out on top of the blood red velvet was a long white flowing gown. I didn't move. Jane walked up to it and, in a very business like fashion, picked up the dress that, to me almost looked more like an old fashioned night gown than anything modern, and handed it to me.

"You'll need to change." She said simply, just standing there as if to wait for me to do so.

"Right now?" I asked, incredulously.

"For someone who can see the future, you sure do not seem to know much." Jane whispered from very close behind me. Her voice held a dark, threatening quality in it. I remained frozen. Jane began to roughly undo the buttons at the back of my shirt in order to make me put on the dress. I did as she wanted, knowing that she could use her gift at any time on me.

"This was planned, all along?" I gasped out.

Jane smiled brillantly and her red eyes shone in the dim candlelight to match the blood red velvet. "Their decisions were being watched so I...took care of things." She stated, obviously enjoying the tortured look that my face probably held.

She picked up an old wooden hourglass that was covered in intricate patterns. It looked as if it must have been very old and from a place I had never been. "I would hurry if I were you." Carefully, she turned the ancient hourglass.

I walked over to the heavy wooden hourglass and stared at it, tracing along the ancient carvings with the tips of my fingers. The situation I was in did not feel like it could possibly be real. I felt as though I was trapped in some sort of twisted fairytale. Suddenly, _The Wizard of OZ_ movie scene popped into my head where Dorothy pours water on the wicked witch. I chuckled a little, trying not to panic. _Too bad that trick wouldn't work here._ I went ahead and put on the gown that Jane had given me and then I turned to take in everything about the room I was in, hoping that some idea or premonition would come. The dark stone room was largely empty with only the large, crimson velvet covered bed, a small table holding the hourglass, a looking glass, and candle stands to add enough light to see.

I walked over to the looking glass. It was set in a wooden frame that stood free of the wall. My reflection came back seemingly brighter than the rest of the room. In the white gown, I felt as though I could have been the ghost of some ancient princess. It did not look bad on me, but it certainly was not current fashion design. The overall picture it presented with me in it did nothing to help my feeling of the situation being surreal.

The next thing I knew I was having a vision. The slightly fuzzy feeling it gave that always lingered for a moment felt pleasant to my pounding head. I smilied slightly to myself and closed my eyes, sighing as I heard far away footsteps on the stone. I imagined that Edward was standing behind me and looking into the reflection I made in the old fashioned white wedding gown. I could see how it all would have gone had he seen me in the white wedding dress I had picked out so many years ago. My visitor standing proudly at the altar, his smile so beautiful it made my knees feel weak. Carlisle would have been at my side, slowly walking me down the church asle and linking his elbow to my own. I would have had lavendar in my hair. Edward always loved the smell of lavendar. He said it mixed perfectly with the sweet smell of my skin and my blood. I would have been savoring every step I took that brought me closer to Edward and, when I reached him at the altar, I would have promised Edward, God, and everyone else in the world that would listen to give myself to him entirely, forever. I could picture the uncontrollable smile that he would had had on his face, with his slightly crooked white teeth showing and his eyes light and beautiful. Then he would have slipped his mother's heirloom ring on my finger and the preacher would have pronounced us man and wife. Then he would have kissed me and, swooping me up gracefully, carried me out from the church.

He didn't know it, but I had seen the future that would have brought us. We would have lived happily and the one thing that Edward said that he would never be able to give me, he would have anyways. It would have accidental, of course. Our one little girl would have had his coppery hair and my blue eyes. There would have been a few hiccups, of course, the pregnancy would have made me a little sick and Edward would have changed me into a vampire in order to keep me alive through the birth. But I was always ready for that. I was ready to spend forever with him and have him change me; his venom forever linking us together in a way that nothing could ever undo. Our little girl would have been beautiful would have had Edward wrapped around her little finger. She would have grown and married and made us doting grandparents many times over, despite the fact that we never looked older than the day I had given birth to her. I could see all the little babies in my mind, though it was foggy and only seen with the limited sight my human body had afforded me then. I could see so much happiness.

The blonde man that had walked in from the forest had changed everything. His words, both eloquent and viscious, had make that future dissipate into nothing. He had caught my happy future in his hard hand and crushed it into dust. Then everything I had left me, my past, my present, my once happy future... and he had brought me here into this prison of stone. I had been married to two different men in my life, both of which had been stolen from me by the Volturi, and now they expected me to marry one of them? They expected me to marry a man literally thousands of years my senior with translucent onion skin that I did not love. A man that wanted me here only to force the use of my gift. A man who took part in ripping my entire world from underneath me.

I walked through the reflection in the mirror when Jane came back into the room. She wore an expression on her face that suggested a mood slighter different than I had ever seen on her...confusion?

"Marcus wants to wait until tomorrow evening. You can stay here until then so you don't get any ideas. I'll have Felix stay outside the door."

I smiled happily at her, knowing that the confusion her face had hinted at was about to get much worse. "Okay" I replied, trying to keep the amusement out of my tone.


	26. all wrongs

The stone walls were oppressing as I walked past them, slowly. Jane walked behind me, as if to ensure that I did not try to make a run for it or do anything stupid. What she didn't know was that I had no intentions of trying to get out of this wedding. I had already seen my fate and I knew that there was nothing else to be done with it. As I walked I listened to the sound that the ends of the gauzy dress made dragging over the cold stone floor. In truth I felt like a ghost walking through those dark stone corridors in the white dress.

The cathedral inside the castle that I was led into was easily the largest and most imposing room that I had ever been inside in my life. The huge stained glass depicting various saints allowed soft moonlight to filter into the church and fell upon the space in front of the huge crucifix at the front were I was to stand and take my vows. The silver moonlight glittered in an unexpected way there, as if offering a solace to the otherwise dark and unforgiving cathedral. Even with vampire sight, it was difficult to see anyone in the darkness of the stone room. I felt Jane finally take leave of me and stand to the side and a little back. I stood where I was for several moments. A figure handed me a large spray of daises and lavender, which, given the circumstances should have been very strange. I took them with a smile, breathing ragged and unnecessary breaths to try and calm my nerves.

Easily, there were five hundred vampires in the cathedral, standing to both sides of the long center aisle. The groom a shadowy figure at the front too dark to make out, standing just outside the pool of silvery moonlight. I took one small step forward at Jane's stern push from her place beside where I stood, but then I stopped.

Suddenly I couldn't get the image of Edward's vows to me out of my mind…of that last morning when everything looked so differently…the yellow curtains turning the sunlight even more golden in our small room where he promised forever to love me. Did he know then how long forever would be? Could he have ever imagined the trails awaiting us to stand in the way of that promise? And still, through everything…all the doubt, the death, the betrayals, the time that stood perpetually in the way…he never strayed from that promise. Decades of him walking through a fire and he never flinched.

I could see him in front of me on that day of those vows as I moved my feet forward down the aisle slowly. Firmly, I kept his face in my mind, his gentle touch at my cheek, his velvet voice whispering softly in my ears. Even as I walked over the cold stones and looked forward into the silver moonlight, I kept these things with me, knowing that nothing could truly ever separate us.

I did not understand Latin, nor anything else that the vampire in front of the large cross said, but I knew the vows Edward and I had shared those years ago and, despite everything, I was not afraid. The pale hand that reached out to mine in the darkness touched me with surprising gentleness. I looked up the stained glass window that allowed the moonlight to filter though. The words, though in Latin, were something I recognized. Something I remembered from a very long time ago. Something my grandparents quoted to me once as a child after my mother had become afraid of my abilities. It was printed in cross-stitch in a frame hanging over the piano where I spent so much time. In English, it translated to ten words.

_Hatred my cause dissension, but love will cover all wrongs._

Other things in Latin were repeated, so quietly from both sides that no vampire standing more than a few feet away could have heard. The figure in front of me slipped on a very old and familiar ring onto my finger. I watched, feeling both extreme anxiety and the deepest clam somehow all at once. What happened next changed everything and also changed nothing. Still gently holding my outstretched hand, the figure next to me in the dark stepped into the silvery moonlight and, very gently, leaned forward to kiss me.

Sounds erupted from all over the cathedral behind us as well as the sound of fire exploding, but I didn't breakaway or turn to look. Some moments in time are meant to only be shared with one person and this was one moment that would have made me satisfied had it been my last. His kiss was soft, warm, and ever so gentle that, for that moment, I wasn't in Volterra. I wasn't surrounded by a civil war erupting within the Volturi. I was a young girl again and I was kissing my visitor and white knight at the alter of the little chruch in Ashton on our wedding day that we never made it to. I was surrounded with love. I was kissing my husband.

The kiss was something like a photograph...something that took only a short moment, but somehow managed to last forever. Edward finally and much too soon, for I could have gone on frozen that way forever, pulled away just slightly and caressed the side of my cheek. He leaned in closer so that I might be able to hear him over all the commotion of the Volturi and the Volutri gaurd killing each other and whispered softly in my ear "I love you, my wife."

With that, I took Edward's hand as he offered it to me again and, smiling happily, we ran out and and away from the church, back down the aisle, through the corridors, and out the first door we could find leading to the outside of the city. As we ran out, I saw from the corner of my eye Aro being pulled apart by Marcus and a few others and the remander of Jane's body being burnt in a large fire with her brother watching nearby. I put it all out of my mind though, the only thing that I wanted to think about now was running away with Edward. There were no cars or anything parked outside, but I didn't mind running. It was exhilerating to run, hand in hand with Edward, through the Itailan countryside in the moonlight. The moon was full and the sky clear and starry. The open landscape made it easy to run. After a while, we slowed to a walk beside a wine vineyard, knowing that no one would be following us and Edward began to explain.

"After you told Marcus about what Aro did to his wife, I plotted with Marcus for this. He has been gathering Volutri members to his side for months and, I would say, has a very good chance of taking over as a lone ruler. I offered my skills to him as a mind reader to help him get followers in exchange for you. He never intended on making you marry him."

I smiled, already having figured out most of this. "I knew you would come back for me."

Edward smiled shyly. "I have a place planned to take you. A place I meant for us to go for our honeymoon the first time. Come." He lead me over to a road not too far away and a car parked there that had Edward written all over it.

Opening the passenger side door for me, Edward smiled and I thanked him. He drove us for a few hours to a beach and I got out of the car, watching how the moonlight seemed to dance on the surface of the ocean as the waves came in peacefully. I smiled, thinking about how serene and beautiful the place was. The radio on Edward's car was still playing some sweet, slow Italian song. Though I could not understand the words, I got the worst itch to dance listening to it and watching the pale moon with the water. Edward simply stood where he was a little further from the water with an expression I couldn't quite read. His smile seemed happy but his eyes looked melancoly...it was an odd combination and I wondered if he too were reminicing back to my human days and the beginning of our relationship.

I danced in the surf of the ocean, the cool water feeling good to my feet and the bottom of my dress getting wet. I didn't care how ridiculous I looked. I just couldn't help it. The night was too wonderful and everything too beautiful for anything to be held back. I felt more myself than I think I ever had as I danced and twirled and laughed, drunken with the feeling of freedom and adventure and love.

Edward finally came over with me to the edge of the beach and I wound my arms around his shoulders, begging him to dance with me. With a quiet affectionate smile he did and my wild, carefree dancing changed into something slower and more personal. As he placed his hand at my hips and lower back to dance I felt a nervous shiver run through me. His touch left me wanting more and I pulled him closer, eventually placing my head on his chest and simply letting him lead me. He held his hand out, twirling and pulling me back into him and I couldn't imagine any being ever feeling so much alive right now as this.

I felt his hand leave my hip and I instantly began to miss the contact when he placed it under my chin to get me to look up into his eyes. Pushing up as high as I could on the tips of my toes, I met him for a kiss. At first I thought that it was going to be short, but it soon turned into something much longer and consuming. He was so gentle as he prodded into my mouth with his tongue, exploring as I did the same. Without really noticing until I was already in his arms, I realized that he had picked me up from the sand and had begun to cradle my body to his chest. Even as he began to walk we continued our kiss until I felt him opening a door to something and noticed that we were entering a small villa that sat to the side of where we had been dancing on the beach.

He carried me bridal style through the small villa to the only bedroom and placed me down carefully on the bed, kneeling down in front of me on the floor. As I looked around the room I had the strange urge to cry again, though I was no loger able. The room was small with dark wooden floors and a large open window that looked out to the ocean, but that was not what got me. On the wall, dresser, and nightstands in the room were all of the pictures of us together and me as a human and a few of us standing together after I had returned with Jasper as a vampire...thirty two in total. On the bed beside me there was also something else, a small gold plated music box. I gasped as I picked it up and twisted the crank. As I opened it that old tune of ours began to play and a tiny porcelin ballerina twirled in front of a mirror inside the boxed lined with emerald green velvet. Instead of being empty, however, like it was the last time I had opened it, it was very full of all sorts of expensive, glittering jewerly that looked as if it were more fit for a princess than anyone like myself. I looked up at Edward, speechless. There simply were no words for that moment in time.

"I hope you don't mind that I worked on it a little over the years. There's something for every year that I waited...I would go to pick it out on the anniversary of our private wedding." He said with a solemn but hopeful voice. I looked down at the open jewerly box again and the little ballerina that still had a few blood stains that Edward must not have been able to get out before placing it carefully onto the nightstand table beside me while it still played our sweet melody.

Leaning up, I touched Edward's face softly with my hand. "I love you, my visitor." I just barely whispered, as he leaned his forehead against mine. Smiling, I managed to say a little louder, "You will kiss me. I've seen it."

He chuckled a little and then kissed me sweetly yet more firmly than I was used to from him, leaning me ever further back unto the bed until I was laying down on my back in the white wedding dress.

"Oh, my beautiful wife," he smiled with a twinkle in his eyes "I intend to."

The End

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Author's note:

Wow, I can't believe that I have finally come to the end of this story! I didn't even know that this would be the last chapter until I was writing it. This story has definitely lead me more than I had lead it! Please let me know what you think, as I am, of course, a little sad to be at the end. For anyone who wants to know, as Alice wasn't really paying much attention at the time, the Volturi had a civil war that erupted when Aro and Cauis figured out just who was standing at the alter with Alice and many on both sides of the battle died, though the ultimate winner of it is unknown (funny that I don't even know, but I don't because I stayed with Alice and Edward in the story and, as I said, they were occupied, lol). The latin verse on the stained glass window, for anyone who doesn't know, is a quote from the Bible- Proverbs 10:12. I thought it an appropriate thing to sum up their relationship, especially since we all know how Edward is religious.


End file.
